Hiraeth
by ADHARYN
Summary: It's a terrible idea to date someone who'd been in love with someone else for years...even if it was fake. 7th year and James still couldn't get Lily to give him the time of day. In a last-ditch scheme to catch her attention, James enlists one of his dearest friends, Carina, to be his fake girlfriend. But will his heart recognize who he truly wants before the impending war?
1. Risky Proposals

✥ **Hiraeth **➾ _the concept of longing for home or a particular time, era, or person of significance_

**SUMMARY**

It was a terrible idea to date someone who'd been in love with someone else for years, even if it was fake...

Carina Lennox was a great friend- it was something she prided herself on. She'd miraculously managed to become the only girl to closely befriend all the Marauders, and somehow still retained her title 'Gryffindor Angel'. Everyone loved her- at least everyone worth while. But what was she supposed to say when one of her closest friends asked her to be his fake girlfriend in order to catch the eye of the girl he's been in love with for years?

It all started as a harmless last-ditch scheme to get Lily's attention, but he never anticipated there was more to Carina than he'd ever tried to understand...

James Potter was desperate. It was already their seventh year, and he still couldn't get Lily to give him the time of day. Carina was his last hope to catch her attention, and she also happened to be one of his closest and dearest friends. If she simply agreed to help him out, what's the worst that could happen?

* * *

**CHAPTER ONE: RISKY PROPOSALS**

"Oh come on, you bores! It's a Saturday morning, you can't possibly be working!"

"Unlike _some _people, Remus and I actually care about finishing our assignments," Carina rolled her eyes at Sirius.

To be fair, they weren't actually doing schoolwork; they were discussing the theory of time travel and the idea of a multiverse. It was quite fascinating, and Remus was one of the few people with whom she could have random intellectual conversations. She'd come to breakfast early as always, and the Great Hall was only ever sparsely occupied this early on the weekends. Luckily Remus had been there to keep her company.

"Why are you up this early anyway, Sirius?" Remus asked, genuinely baffled. "You're never out of bed before 10 o'clock on the weekends!"

"I know," he grumbled as if a dark cloud had settled itself over his head. "Prongs was practically leaping around the dorms this morning, talking about how he wanted to get a glimpse of Lily at the lake."

Carina couldn't help the chuckle that escaped her lips. "Oh, you poor baby," she teased. "Did someone not get his beauty sleep?"

"Oye," Sirius defensively brandished a banana at her. "I'll have you know it takes a routine to look as good as I do."

"Oh really, and that's why you're all out gallivanting around the castle most nights?" Carina raised an eyebrow knowingly.

"Erm... about that," Remus said sheepishly.

"Oh, please, Remus. I know you're out there right alongside them."

"You've known, and you haven't told anyone?" Sirius asked, taking a seat across from her, newfound respect shining in his eyes.

"I've known you boys for 7 years, you're not nearly as discreet as you like to think."

"But you're a prefect," Remus pointed out.

"So were you," she countered. "Besides, James is head boy, and that hardly stops him from participating in your shenanigans."

"Hey, _their _shenanigans," Remus argued. "I only show up to make sure no one dies."

"See, that's precisely why I don't tell anyone. You're hardly harming someone, they're just pranks," she shrugged.

"Merlin," Sirius whispered, looking at her in awe. "To think, all these years, we could've had a prefect safeguard our getaways."

"I wouldn't go that far," Carina chuckled.

Their light laughs faded as they heard stomping footsteps headed towards the Great Hall, which reverberated in the uncommonly quiet room this morning.

"For Merlin's sake, Potter! Leave me _alone," _Lily fumed, marching straight down the Gryffindor table.

"Evans, I'm telling you, us meeting out there was simply coincidence! Call it fate if you will!" James called out cockily after her.

Lily slowed as she came upon Carina, giving her a regretful smile when she noticed she was sitting with Remus and Sirius. Lily kept walking further down the table until she dropped herself into a seat next to Alice. Carina didn't blame her. James would come to sit with them since Remus and Sirius were already there, and Lily did not have the patience for one more second of the Potter show right now.

"She hates me," James groaned quietly, dropping into the empty seat beside Sirius once Lily was out of earshot.

No one bothered to try and tell him otherwise, knowing false hope would not help him now. After all, it had been seven bloody years of his pining after the vibrant redhead. And even their year of collaborating as Heads had not warmed her up to the outgoing Marauder.

"Rough morning?" Carina asked sympathetically, sliding a plate of treacle tarts his way.

"I just wanted to catch a glimpse of her!" He grumbled. "It's not _my _fault the twerp she was meeting spotted me and bolted." He bit into a tart angrily only to moan in joy. "Argh, Carina, you're a godsend."

"Maybe loosen up on the early morning stalking, yeah mate?" Remus suggested with a grin.

"I wasn't stalking!" James insisted indignantly. "This castle's only so big, and it's not like she reserved the lakeside!"

"Prongs, you were talking about looking for her all morning," Sirius said dryly, still bitter about being woken.

"Alright, fine!" He huffed petulantly. "But come on, guys, I've tried everything," he groaned desperately.

"Did you try giving her some space?" Carina suggesting with twinkling eyes. "Distance makes the heart grow fonder."

"Are you sure you don't belong in Ravenclaw?" Sirius eyed her up and down.

"And where would you lot be if I was?"

"Probably the bottom of the Black Lake," Remus reminded them pointedly.

Carina had been there for the boys a time or two over the years. It all started on one fateful morning back in second year when she'd woken much earlier than usual, sneaking down to the common room before the sun could even rise. She was simply reading at the time, and before she knew it, the sun had broken free over the horizon. It was around then that James, Sirius, and Peter came stumbling down the stairs.

"We need to go now!" Sirius insisted.

"But we'll get caught for sure," Peter said anxiously.

The boys argued between themselves, completely missing Carina, who was still curled up on a sofa by the fireplace.

"Where exactly do you need to go so early, and will it be losing us house points?" She asked from her perch.

The boys' eyes flew to her, all of them freezing. They'd been caught in the act. She was surprised to see Remus missing from their group; they were nearly always together. Except for when he was studying, usually with Carina herself or Lily. They'd become friends early on in the first year, recognizing the academic in each other. She knew Peter distantly from the few times he'd simply tagged along with his friend on their study sessions. But James and Sirius were practically strangers to her; she definitely knew of them, but they never ran in the same circles, and she couldn't remember a single time that they'd actually had a conversation.

"Look, Lennox," Sirius whispered urgently. "You can't try and tell on us, we need to go see Remus."

"Remus?" Her ears perked up. "What's wrong with Remus?"

"He's in the hospital wing," James said, his eyes flickering between the boys hesitantly. "He got really sick last night."

"Oh no!" She cried, genuinely concerned. "Why can't you go see him?"

"Because second years are not supposed to be roaming the castle this early, Madam Pomfrey would have our heads," Sirius gritted his teeth in annoyance.

Carina chewed on her bottom lip for a minute, considering the concerned and antsy boys in front of her.

"How important is it that you see him immediately? Can't it wait a few hours? He might be asleep anyway."

The boys shared a knowing look once again, and Carina had a distinct feeling that she was missing something. "We need to go now," Sirius insisted.

"Look, Lennox, you don't have to do anything but pretend you didn't see us, and we'll be on our way." James flashed her a pleading look.

"Now hold on," Carina stopped them, finally rising out of her chair. "Which one of you is best at defense?"

James and Sirius glanced at each other before James nodded to Sirius. "I guess that'd be me," Sirius said, stepping forward.

"Okay," she said, pushing her wand into his hand. "Hex me."

"What?" He balked. "Are you mad?"

"Keep up, Black. We learned the hex that makes your opponent sick this week. You cast it on me, and voila! You three have an excuse to escort me down to the hospital wing."

"That's brilliant," Sirius praised in shock.

"Yeah, but we can cast it on one of us," James insisted. "Seriously, Lennox, we're not about to hurt you."

"No," she insisted. "Everyone knows you four are attached at the hip, if you show up with one of you sick, they'll assume you did it to each other to see Remus and check your wands."

"Is that why you trusted me with your wand?" Sirius asked slowly.

Letting someone else use your wand in the wizarding world was a profound sign of trust, and it was not commonly done. It amazed Sirius even more that he hadn't felt any resistance from her wand when he'd closed his fingers around it. It was quite rare for magic to be as compatible among two people.

"Yes," she waved her hand to gesture them to get on with it. "Now, if you want to get to Remus, I suggest you hex me."

The boys all hesitantly glanced at each other. Sirius looked at her apologetically as he held up her wand to her stomach. "Sorry about this, Lennox."

The swell of pain in her abdomen was almost unbearable for her. At that moment, Carina wondered if she should've asked for the worst Defense student because Sirius' hex was definitely potent. But she was scared that they'd bollix the spell and do something much worse than what it was intended for. When she managed to collect herself, taking deep breaths against gritted teeth, she looked up to see all three boys studying her in concern.

"Come on then," James said regretfully, kneeling in front of her, wordlessly telling her to get on his back.

She climbed on haphazardly, and they rushed to the Hospital Wing, no longer faking the concern they felt for the girl. By the time they got there, Carina was pretty out of it, sweating from the pain. They dropped her in Madam Pomfrey's diligent hands, using the excuse to stay and visit Remus, who was, in fact, awake.

When she woke up a few hours later, the three were gathered at her bedside once again. She saw Remus a few beds away, and he looked very rough for wear. His healing wounds and pale face told her a very different story from what the boys had indicated, but she didn't ask. They would tell her if they wanted to. They merely thanked her for what she'd done.

But ever since then, she found all four boys inadvertently infiltrating her life. She'd always been friends with Remus, but now Peter felt more comfortable asking for her help or talking to her about his insecurities. Sirius was always a cocky boy, but even he seemed to view Carina as his personal moral compass. She was relaxed enough that she didn't get on their case, and respected their privacy and even some of their shenanigans, but she was genuine and kind enough that Sirius felt he could trust her advice. And let's face it, every boy needed that one girlfriend who could give him a rational insider's perspective on women. James was an interesting one. He wasn't like Remus, he was too cocky and flirtatious for that. He wasn't quite like Sirius either, as he trusted his own moral compass and was utterly head over heels for Lily. If Carina had to put a label on it, he almost felt like a brother. Always protective, always teasing her, but appreciative just the same.

"Carina!" Lily's voice snapped the young woman out of her memories. "You want to join us by the lake?"

"Sure," she smiled, collecting her stuff and heading over to join Lily and Alice. "See you boys later," she said affectionately.

"We see how it is, you little traitor," James scowled. "You better have a scoop for me when you get back."

"You wish, Potter," she called out, laughing as she walked away.

**~o~o~o~**

"Good lord, Carina!" Lily exclaimed, dropping to the soft grass at the lakeside. "What in the world do you see in that boy?"

"James?" Carina asked in amusement.

"Yeah! He's an arrogant, cocky, annoying little toe-rag!"

"Not so little anymore," Alice reminded her with a smirk.

"He's really not that bad once you really get to know him," Carina defended fondly. "The arrogance and jokester parts of him are just a way to make his friends laugh."

"He's so immature! He just had to go ruin my morning!" Lily whined.

"Oh yeah, what happened with that anyway?" Carina asked. "James said a boy you were meeting ran off when he saw him. Not going to lie though, Lily- If any boy runs at the sight of James, you deserve much better than him."

"She was trying to get with Diggory," Alice said with a shit-eating smirk.

"Diggory ran off at the sight of James?" Carina almost spewed out the water she'd just drank from her bottle. She had a hard time believing that; Diggory was almost as prideful as any of the Marauders, if not more so.

"Of course not!" Lily crossed her arms in annoyance at the memory. "I was meeting Davies to see if he knew anything about Diggory's interest, with them being close friends and all."

"And...?" Alice prompted.

"And nothing!" Lily threw her hands up in frustration. "Potter got in the way!"

Carina and Alice chuckled lightly at Lily's frustration. She'd tried to date a few boys over the last few years, but none of them seem to meet her incredibly high expectations. Though Carina could see Diggory being her type- smooth, polished, suave.

"I swear," Lily continued angrily. "Sometimes, I wish I'd been sorted into a different house so that he wouldn't have noticed me."

"You don't mean that," Alice said hesitantly.

"I do!" She insisted. "I've simply had enough of his constant attention, I can't even recall how much time I've wasted simply telling him off!"

Carina grimaced for her friend. Poor James.

"I know you think he's just arrogant, Lils. But the boy really does like you quite a lot."

"Unlikely," she scoffed. "It's probably just his ego because I keep saying no."

"I can see why you would think that. I do," Carina insisted, demanding Lily's attention. "But I've known that boy for years, like _really _known him. He cares about you so incredibly much."

"Come on, Carina, you're supposed to be on my side here," Lily deflated at her words.

"I am," she assured. "You know I support your decisions. If you choose not to date him, I'll back you up- it's your choice. But he's also not the complete jerk you're painting him to be, and I can't just sit by and watch you say that about my friend."

Lily's anger seeped out of her at Carina's wise words. She knew she was right. After all, Lily herself was juggling the precarious job of defending Severus Snape to all her other friends for years. Carina didn't enjoy being in the middle of all her friends, but she was always that person who could never fully take someone's side because she always knew the other side of the story. Perks of being approachable, she guessed, but it was a right pain in the arse sometimes.

"Are you sure a part of you isn't endeared by James?" Alice asked shyly.

"How do you figure?" Lily asked dryly.

"I mean, he has girls always chasing him, but the only one he's ever bothered to chase is you. You've got to admit, it's a little romantic," Alice pointed out.

"No," Lily said carefully, her voice devoid of anger or frustration. "I think we're growing at different paces, and I just think I need to find myself before I try and commit myself to another person. James Potter at that! We're hardly alike."

"Opposites attract!" Alice pointed out.

"Are you sure part of you wouldn't be put off if James just woke up one day and all his interest in you was gone? And he just stopped with _everything_ he'd been doing? All the attention? All the cute stunts?" Carina asked pointedly.

Lily hesitated for a brief second, but that moment sent a quirk to Carina's lips. _She had her there._

"No, I wouldn't," Lily insisted stubbornly. "I would be relieved if anything."

They decided to drop the matter since it seemed like they were talking in circles anyway. There was a soft shift in the leaves in the tree behind them, and Carina glanced over to see one of the branches swaying lightly. _Strange... there's no breeze._

**~o~o~o~**

It was almost noon when Carina left the girls to head back up to Gryffindor tower. They wanted to relax in the early spring sun for a little longer, but Carina wanted to delve back into a book she'd been reading all week but hadn't had enough time for. She was passing through the courtyard, her eyes closing in contentment at the cool breeze that'd picked up through the Scottish mountains. She was entirely caught off guard when a firm grip took hold of her arm and snatched her into an empty corridor.

A sharp gasp escaped her lips when she was pulled over to face the floating head of the one and only James Potter.

"Holy mother of Merlin, James!" She whisper-yelled, shoving him in the chest. Or she hoped it was his chest, but she couldn't quite tell since he was bloody invisible! "I swear you and that bloody cloak are going to give me a heart attack one day."

"Sorry," he grinned sheepishly, running his hand through his hair in what she'd learned was not a cocky move but, in fact, a nervous habit.

"Is there a reason you're accosting me in abandoned corridors instead of waiting until I returned to the common room?" She asked teasingly, crossing her arms.

"I heard what Lily said," James said thoughtfully, his expression looking as dim as she'd ever seen it.

"You were hiding behind the tree." Carina realized, the puzzle pieces finally falling into place.

James nodded wordlessly. He looked up at her, studying her critically for a moment before he pulled her over to sit on one of the open window sills.

"Carina, my shining star!"

"James, my trusty steed," Carina replied, smiling at his theatrics.

Her response gave him pause, though. Steed? Stag? Close enough, except for the slight matter that the Marauders had never told Carina about Moony and his Animagi. It wasn't that they didn't trust her, but they'd all just assumed it was a matter that would stay between them; after all, it was mainly Moony's secret.

"How much do you love me?" James asked with a puppy-like grin.

"Depends on what you want from me," she said cautiously. "But I have a feeling not at all today."

"Be my fake girlfriend," James blurted out ineloquently.

Carina merely raised an eyebrow. "Oh sure, and maybe let's get fake married while we're at it, that'll solve so many issues."

"I'm serious." James insisted.

"Why on earth would you want a fake girlfriend? Me at that?" Carina asked, completely baffled.

"Look, it's been seven years, and Lily still can't see past the arrogant prat she envisions whenever she looks at me," James said, genuinely hurt. "And I _heard _you all by the lake. You and Alice seem to think if I suddenly stop liking her, she'd miss me."

"So pretend like you've stopped," Carina said. "There's no need to fake date someone, that's just incredibly messy!"

"We only have like 3 months left until we graduate, Carina! We don't have enough time for Lily to realize I've stopped pursuing her, and then realize she doesn't like that, and then work up the guts to do something about it!"

"Whereas your plan...?"

"Okay," he said excitedly, turning to face her completely. "We fake date and I focus all my cuter attentions on you. Hopefully, Lily gets jealous. And on the side, I have the excuse to talk to her normally and show her the real me because it's not as if I'd be trying to get over her since I already have you! Then hopefully getting to know the real me, which let's admit it- I'm great, on top of seeing me with another girl will push her to react sooner!"

Carina studied James, half expecting him to jump up and shout 'jokes on you!'

"Alright, I see your point," she admitted. "So find another girl. Why _me_? I'm one of Lily's closest friends!"

"That's precisely why!" James insisted. "One, I don't trust any other girl with something this important. You're the only one I would ask for something as crazy as this."

"Well, thanks," she huffed, not knowing whether she should feel insulted or flattered.

"But also," he plowed on. "Me dating any other girl after years of chasing Lily just isn't believable! But you're one of my best friends and the only girl one at that! It makes much more sense that'd I'd fall for you despite Lily!"

Carina continued to stare at James incredulously. "You realize this plan is absolutely mad, right?"

"Please!" James pleaded desperately, coming around and dropping to his knees in front of her. "Please, Carina! This is my last hope to change Lily's mind!"

"I don't want to accidentally hurt Lily," Carina said hesitantly.

Understanding filled James's eyes, and he rose to his feet, towering over her suddenly. He gently grasped her hands, his large ones completely engulfing hers in warmth. "I don't either." He insisted. "We'll never let it get that far. And besides, if you help her realize she's wanted to be with me all along, won't you be helping your friend in the end?"

"I don't know," she said edgily.

"Please."

She melted at the sight of James' genuinely desperate gaze. She'd never heard him say 'please' this many times in her life; James Potter was not one to beg- ever. There was very little she wouldn't do to help her friends. And he was right. If Lily didn't like him, she wouldn't get hurt from their little plan. If she did, then maybe she'd manage to help her friend overcome her own stubbornness. Either way, she could help James get some closure.

Carina sighed helplessly.

"Alright, count me in."

**~o~o~o~**

**Early disclaimer: this story will be an emotional roller coaster. Don't underestimate it!  
****Let me know what you all think, I'd love some feedback.  
****~Mischief Managed**


	2. Testing the Waters

**CHAPTER TWO: TESTING THE WATERS**

Carina was already questioning her sanity by the time dinner rolled around. They were so close to leaving Hogwarts, and this entire scheme could blow up in her face. Yet she couldn't bring herself to change her mind when she thought of James' giddy excitement when he'd left her that afternoon.

"Everything alright?" Lily asked her curiously as they made their way down to the Great Hall.

"Fine!" Carina replied quickly.

"If you say so," shrugged Lily. "You seemed like you were a million miles away."

"Just a few hundred," Carina smiled, effortlessly easing Lily's suspicion.

To be fair, though, Carina did have a lot on her mind. She and James didn't discuss the details of the plan. She assumed he went to go and tell the boys about their idea because there was no way they would be able to fool them. She was internally praying he wouldn't merely plop down next to her and declare her his girlfriend because absolutely no one would believe that, _especially_ not Lily.

"Carina!" Remus greeted, waving them over to where he and Peter were sitting at the Gryffindor table.

With the absence of James and Sirius, Lily felt perfectly comfortable joining Carina next to the boys. It wasn't as if she had many other options since Frank had whisked Alice away for a moonlit picnic tonight.

"Have you seen James today?" Remus asked her curiously.

"Not since this afternoon," Carina said slowly. "Did he not go and find you guys after?"

"They haven't seen him since breakfast," Peter spoke up, digging into his meat pie.

_Oh great. So they had no idea. _She almost hoped she wouldn't run into James tonight because there was no telling what he'd do to push this absolutely mental plan into action.

"Where's Sirius?" Lily asked them. "Those two are bound to be together."

"No, Sirius was with Marlene for most of the afternoon," Remus told her.

"Oh! Here they come now!" Peter exclaimed, looking over the girls' shoulders toward the doors.

True to his word, James and Sirius were both striding towards them, their hair windswept as if they'd been outside recently. James' gaze lingered on her with a knowing look, and Carina could only feel an impending anxious dread pool in her stomach. She couldn't quite tell if Sirius knew or not; he threw a typical grin her way, but nothing in his demeanor seemed to hint at teasing. But as they got close, Carina remotely felt Lily stiffen next to her. She probably expected another spar of wills with James.

"Where have you two been?" Remus asked curiously.

"I just met him out in the hall," Sirius shrugged, slipping into the seat next to Remus. "I've been with Marlene."

"A marauder never tells," James winked, slipping into the remaining empty seat next to Carina.

"Except to your fellow marauders!" Sirius exclaimed. When James shrugged innocuously, Sirius raised an eyebrow disbelievingly. "You seriously won't tell us?"

"_Later,_" James insisted, at which they let the matter drop.

"Hey, Carina," Peter asked hesitantly. "Do you think you could help me with that charm we talked about later tonight?"

"Sure, Pete," Carina nodded warmly.

"Wait, what is _this_ about?" Remus asked in confusion.

"It's private," Peter mumbled, a blush stealing his cheeks.

"What's with all the secrets today?" Sirius scoffed, thoroughly amused.

Carina could feel her palms begin to get clammy. They didn't know the half of it.

They fell into an amicable conversation as the dinner went on. Even Lily seemed to relax eventually, striking up a conversation with Remus about their Defense class. As serene as Carina appeared on the outside, she was a nervous ball of anticipation on the inside. She was hyperaware of James sitting next to her, and yet he seemed completely relaxed as he and Sirius debated which broom would be better for the coming season of Quidditch.

They'd nearly gotten through dinner without a hitch. When dessert appeared before them, Carina was slightly disappointed that they were mostly fruit tarts. She always had a weakness for chocolate, but there wasn't any tonight. Out of the corner of her eye, she glimpsed James reach into his cloak pocket, bringing out a something rectangular and placing it on Carina's empty plate. The random conversations around her quieted as everyone looked at James and Carina in surprised confusion.

"James, how'd you get his?" She asked, lifting the bar of chocolate up.

It was her favorite: cherry-infused Belgian chocolate with caramel on the inside. It was a limited edition flavor at Honeydukes, and she usually only got them once every few months after pestering the owner to continue getting a supply for her. Not that anyone else knew about it- she hated seeming high maintenance, and she knew her particular insistence on having this sweet was a bit of a spoiled indulgence of hers.

"It's your favorite, isn't it?" James asked hesitantly.

"Yes, but how did you know? I have to beg the owner of Honeydukes to import a few bars of this every few months!"

"So he said," James smirked. "He usually keeps a few bars on hand for when his niece surprises him with visits, but I convinced him to part with his last one."

"You went to Hogsmeade and didn't get me any Firewhiskey?" Sirius exclaimed.

"I didn't go for you," James shrugged casually. Everyone paused at his unspoken words. _He went for Carina._

"Well, thank you," Carina beamed a genuine smile at him.

She shrugged subtly at the questioning look Lily threw her way. It was strange- James had gotten her her favorite sweet but had said nothing directly to Lily all night. She opened up her chocolate, breaking off a section and holding it out to Remus.

"Oh, I couldn't," Remus insisted, shaking his hand. "That's your special chocolate."

"Playing favorites, now?" Sirius whined. "I thought I was the favorite this month!"

Carina smiled knowingly at Remus. "I know you love chocolate even more than I do, Remus. Besides, you look a bit tired, and hopefully, this will be a good pick me up until tomorrow."

The Marauders all stiffened at her words. It was the full moon tomorrow, but Carina had no way of possibly knowing what that signified.

"You know, since there's nothing chocolate in the desserts tonight," Carina continued. "Honestly, Remus, please take it, I insist!"

Remus relaxed, taking the chocolate from her outstretched hand. "Thanks, Carina, you're the best."

"Thank James," she humbly deflected, bumping his shoulder playfully.

He bumped her shoulder right back, his gaze lingering on her long enough to make her shift uncomfortably. "Please, how many times have you surprised me with Treacle Tarts when I've been low or baked Peter lemon bars from his mother's recipe when he misses home?"

Carina blushed, shaking her head. "It's not a big deal."

"You've been making these fools food for years?" Sirius cried out. "Lennox, what the hell? Am I your least favorite or something?"

Remus rolled his eyes at his antics. "She goes out flying with you all the time when you need to clear your head, Pads."

"Oh right, you do," Sirius grinned sheepishly. "But I didn't know food was on the table!"

"Food's always on the table," James smirked. "The elves work quite hard to put it there."

Sirius threw a grape at James' head in retaliation, which James spoiled by catching it in his mouth. Always the chaser, that one.

"I'm going to head upstairs and read while I enjoy my chocolate," Carina spoke up, stepping away from the table. She didn't really know how to deal with compliments. She wasn't self-conscious, exactly. But those moments of kindness? She did it to see her friends smile at their lowest moments. It wasn't a conscious effort to go out of her way. Everyone still had their own unfinished desserts on their plates, so she figured it would be easy to escape them.

But as she made to move walk past, James caught her wrist, stuffing the rest of his Treacle Tart in his mouth when Carina looked back in surprise. He merely held up a finger while he finished chewing, still not letting go of her wrist.

"Let me walk you back," James said, standing up when he'd finished chewing.

"I think I know the way back to Gryffindor Tower after all these years," Carina laughed.

"It's already dark," James simply said. His hand loosened around her wrist only to drift further down and lace between her fingers. Carina looked down in surprise. They never held hands, and even if they did, friends did not hold hands this way. She glanced back up at him, and he merely smiled at her before he pulled her towards the doors.

While his actions had been subtle enough that no one else in the Great Hall seemed to take notice, the Marauders and Lily watched them leave utterly dumfounded.

"What the bloody hell was that?" Sirius asked, not one to censor his thoughts.

"Was he flirting with her?" Peter pondered aloud.

"That wasn't flirting, it was almost like he was _caring_ for her," Remus said, his voice deflecting around that word like it confused him.

The three boys glanced awkwardly across the table at the lone redhead, still staring after her friend leaving hand in hand with the boy who'd been in love with her for years. When she turned and met their eyes, her mirroring confusion was tinged with a churning feeling she couldn't quite place.

"Oh, Carina has a lot of explaining to do tonight," Lily shook her head. How could she not have told her if they were a thing? They'd just been talking about Potter by the lake this morning!

**~o~o~o~**

James and Carina had barely gotten around the corner from the Great Hall when he turned to her, jerking her towards him from their still joined hands.

"Did you see her face?" James looked at her excitedly. "She looked like someone poured water on her head!"

It took Carina a second to understand what he was saying. _Lily._

"I didn't really have the chance to before you pulled me out of there," she said, laughing despite herself.

"Well, I did, and I have to say I think this plan is already working!" He said cockily.

"Honestly, I was terrified you were just going to announce we were dating out of nowhere," Carina admitted.

"I'm not dense," James waved dismissively. "We have to work up to our dating, so Lily actually believes I'm falling for you instead of rebounding with you."

"Right," Carina said. Maybe this crazy plan would actually work. But at the same time, part of her was still hesitant.

"How did you know about the chocolate, though?" Carina asked him when he started to walk onwards. "I've never told anyone about it." He turned to her, not expecting her to fall behind.

"A marauder never tells," he winked, walking back to link their elbows in his usual goofy manner before dragging her towards their common room.

**~o~o~o~**

"What the hell was that at dinner tonight?" Sirius asked, storming into their dorms around half an hour later with Remus and Peter right on his heels.

To their surprise, a certain girl was in their rooms.

"Carina," Remus gulped.

"Hi guys," she waved sheepishly.

She was sitting on the end of James' bed, her legs pulled up against her chest with her arms wrapped around them.

"So, you two are a thing?" Sirius asked, not waiting for an answer before he huffed with laughter. "Bullshit, James, you've been fawning over Evans for _literally _years."

"You're right," James said from where he was relaxing on his pillows on the opposite end of his bed. "I am in love with Lily."

"So, what was all that tonight?" Remus gestured between them.

"Carina is going to be my fake love interest to give Lily petal the wakeup call she needs," James said confidently.

"Come again?" Remus asked blankly.

"I've agreed to be his fake girlfriend while he tries to make Lily jealous and show her the real him and not the showboat he becomes when he normally flirts with her," Carina repeated drolly.

"Hey, I'm not a showboat!" James argued defensively, tossing a pillow at Carina.

"Yeah, you are," Sirius smirked. "That makes so much more sense now!"

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Remus asked. "If Lily ever finds out, she won't be happy."

"Well, if she returns his feelings," Carina pointed out, "we'll tell her our relationship was fake. And if she doesn't, we'll just end things quietly, and she won't ever need to know."

"What'd he do to talk you into this?" Sirius asked her curiously.

"He just asked."

"And you said yes?"

"He is a good friend," Carina reminded Sirius.

"_He _is right here, thank you," James reminded them.

"Are you sure you're alright with this," Peter shyly asked Carina. "I mean... sure it might bother Lily, but you also deserve better than to be used like this."

"I'm not using her!" James said indignantly, "I asked her for a favor!"

"It's alright," she assured Peter. "It's not like I'd be trying to date anyone else in these last few months, and I spend most of my time with you all anyway. It's not a big interference in my life."

"It'll be fine," Sirius agreed. "Brilliant plan, if anything. Besides, Carina isn't just any random bird who would end up doing something stupid like falling for Prongs."

Carina laughed along with Remus and Peter. "Precisely," she agreed, chuckling at a grumbling James who smarted at Sirius' jab.


	3. Always Been There

**CHAPTER THREE: ALWAYS BEEN THERE**

"Carina Lennox, what the bloody hell was all that?"

Carina sighed, turning to face her redheaded roommate. "Hello to you, too, Lily." She'd hoped if she came back late enough, her roommates would all be asleep, and she'd be able to put off the questions until tomorrow. She should've known Lily would be headstrong enough to stay up and wait.

"Don't dodge the question," Lily said, rerouting it straight back to the point.

"Honestly? I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know? We were just talking about Potter this morning, how could you not tell us you two were talking like that?"

Lily's elevated voice caused the others to stir. Alice climbed out of her bed, joining the two of them. She discreetly cast muffling charms on the others' beds to keep from waking them.

"What's going on here?" She whispered urgently. "And why could it not wait until morning?"

"Carina and Potter are together," Lily exclaimed.

"What?" Alice's mouth gaped like a fish out of water.

"We are not!" Carina insisted vehemently. "I'm as confused as you are about tonight, this is certainly the first time he's been behaving like this."

"Wait, what exactly happened?"

"He snuck out to Honeydukes to get Carina her favorite chocolate, and then led her out of Great Hall hand in hand, _insisting _on walking her back to the common room." Lily filled Alice in.

Alice stared at Carina questioningly, but she could only shrug helplessly. Her best bet was to act as oblivious as the rest of them.

"I have no idea what he's up to any more than the rest of you," she insisted. "Maybe he's just being nice?"

"James Potter doesn't _do_ nice and chivalrous." Lily snorted.

"He can when he chooses to!"

"Not before now, at least. But apparently, he thinks you're worth the effort," Alice smirked.

"You sure there isn't anything going on?" Lily asked Carina seriously.

"I swear this is just as much news to me as it is to you," Carina confirmed.

"Hmm..." Lily thought pensively. "I think he's up to something."

Alice rolled her eyes. "What in the world makes you think that?"

"Because he didn't even say anything to me all dinner!" Lily cried. "Just this morning he was out stalking me by the lake, there's no way he's had such a change of heart in one day."

"Did you say anything to him this morning?" Carina suggested.

"Only the usual."

Alice nodded knowingly. "So the usual 'leave me alone, you arrogant toe rag,' and 'I despise you, there's no way we will ever be together?"

Lily nodded sheepishly.

"Well, maybe you just pushed the bloke away one too many times," Alice said a-matter-of-factly. "And honestly, it's probably for the best, he deserves to move on. Merlin knows you've wanted him to leave you alone for ages."

Carina had to pull together every ounce of concentration to keep herself from laughing. Here she thought she'd have to wrangle with Lily to get her to believe this crazy story James had concocted, but Alice was doing all the work for her. Besides, it seemed a lot more credible coming from her considering she wasn't even at dinner tonight with them.

"Yes, but off to Carina?" Lily said in frustration.

Carina's eyebrows scrunched up in confusion. _Why couldn't James move on to her? Not that he actually was or anything. This was probably a good thing- Lily seemed to have a hard time accepting James moving on._

"Why? Jealous?" Alice asked sneakily.

_Thank you, Alice, _Carina smiled internally.

"No, of course not," Lily claimed stiffly. "I just don't want Carina to be caught up in some sort of scheme is all."

"James would never do that to me," Carina told her confidently. "And the boys would never let him."

"If you're sure," Lily said dubiously.

"We'll have to see if this continues," Alice said gleefully. "I can't believe I missed all this tonight."

Carina tip-toed off to bed, grateful that Alice had been there to make this conversation as easy as it could've been. Climbing under her covers, she smiled to herself. James would definitely be pleased by Lily's reaction to tonight. She couldn't wait to tell him. Maybe they wouldn't even need to fake dating for over a month. That'd certainly be a relief.

**~o~o~o~**

The girls were walking side by side to their first lecture of the day. Ancient Runes. Alice was visibly disappointed when the Marauders didn't show to breakfast. She'd been so excited to see if James would continue his strange behavior towards Carina. Carina couldn't help but be relieved she didn't have to play along with the crazy plan first thing in the morning.

They were passing the courtyard when they heard a familiar drawl behind them.

"Alright, Evans?"

Carina could see the knowing smirk light up Lily's face from the corner of her eye. They all turned to see James strutting up to them with his hands in his pockets, the picture of casual confidence. Surprisingly enough, the boys were not with him this time.

"Potter," Lily said briefly as if to say, _what could you possibly need from me now?_

"How are you ladies this fine morning?" He smiled at the three of them.

"I don't have time for this, Potter," Lily groaned. "We're going to be late for class."

She grabbed Alice's arm and turned, intending to walk away. Carina caught his eye as she too was about to follow them, but she got a sinking feeling when James winked at her. Before she could continue walking alongside her friends, James latched onto her arm, quickly pulling her back to his side. Lily and Alice turned back to them questioningly, noticing Carina's absence.

"Excuse me a moment, I just need to borrow Carina quickly." James smiled goofily.

"Carina," Lily said hesitantly. "Come on, we have class."

"She's right, James, I really do have to go," Carina shrugged sheepishly. "Can it wait?"

James played with the sleeve of her robes hesitantly, exuding a certain boyish charm. "We're still on for studying tomorrow night, right?"

Carina's eyebrows rose in surprise. _James Potter studying?_ _That was a joke._ This was obviously news to her, but she had a feeling it was all part of his plan. "Of course," she agreed immediately.

His trepidation broke as a relieved grin spread across his face. "Great! It can wait until then. Thanks again for agreeing to it, you're an angel." He lifted her into an enthusiastic hug before she had the time to react. But he'd set her back on her feet before she could get a word in edge-wise, winking at her before he turned, calmly walking away from them.

When Carina turned back to her friends, they stared at her in shock.

"Don't," she warned them before they could bombard her with questions. "You already know everything I do, so again, I really have no idea."

**~o~o~o~**

Later that night, Carina found herself sitting at the edge of the Black Lake, taking peace in the blissful silence. She'd been in the library with Lily and Alice earlier, but they could not seem to shut up about James. When she left, she'd considered going back to the common room, but she didn't want to run into the Marauders either. So she'd been lured out by the cool night breeze and the promise of a few moments of peace.

It was a peaceful night with a pleasant breeze that kept her company, and the moon playing hide and seek behind the clouds.

She loved her friends, but she wondered if she was really cut out to pull off this plan. She wasn't certain if Lily would forgive her if it ever came time to come clean. She couldn't picture life outside Hogwarts without these friends in her life. They were her family. Yes, she was friendly with most people in the house- even the younger years who looked up to her as a big sister. But Lily, Alice, and the boys were her closest friends.

Lost in her thoughts, she missed the high pitched howl in the distance. It also wasn't her fault when she missed the glimpses of the full moon looming overhead because it was almost always hidden by the thick clouds in tonight's sky.

She settled into a feeling of contentment when she noticed something large from the edge of her peripheral vision. Her breath caught abruptly when she recognized the sight of the large stag approaching her purposely. She was on her feet in a heartbeat. Her instincts kicked in when she tried to run, cursing herself for picking such a secluded spot that was hidden by the large willow tree on the bank of the lake.

Before she could break free of the curtain of drooping branches, the stag was in front of her once more, moving with a speed she hadn't anticipated. Carina backed up slowly, keeping her eyes cautiously on the large animal. He kept backing her up until her back hit the bark of the large tree she'd been sitting under. The stag stood stoically in front of her, studying her with patience that seemed unlike the wild creatures that came from the forest. Carina reached out hesitantly towards the stag's snout. When she got close, he let out a loud huff of an exhale, making her pause mid-air. When he didn't lash out, she closed the remaining inches between them, her hand coming into contact with the soft fur of his neck. His coat was the softest thing she'd felt, and his warmth exuded from his massive form. The stag stepped closer hesitantly, leaning into her touch with a gentle nudge.

In the distance, another howl filled the night air. The stag immediately stiffened at the sound, and Carina's eyes widened in realization. Her gaze flew up, trying to catch a glimpse of the moon through the clouds. _Of course, the full moon! How could she forget?_

She looked at the stag in front of her scrutinizingly as his eyes flicked back to the forest nervously. This was none other than her friend James. And if James was here, it meant the others weren't far behind. _Remus,_ Carina thought with panic. If there was a werewolf wandering the grounds, she needed to get back into the castle now.

When she moved to leave, the stag stopped her once again, his actions more urgent than they'd been before.

She pushed impatiently against his giant form, huffing in frustration. "James, let me go, I need to get out of here!"

The stag froze, his head swinging back over to stare at her. In a split second, the stag transformed back into the man. Carina was too surprised he'd actually transformed in front of her to retaliate when he grabbed her by the shoulders and crowded her back against the tree.

"How did you know it was me?" He asked in a no-nonsense tone.

"I've known for years what you and the other boys are," she sighed. "Now, will you let me get back inside before Remus comes wandering this way?"

When she tried to leave once again, he merely shoved her back once more, the bark of the tree scraping uncomfortably against the thin fabric of her white button-down blouse. He looked angry, which threw Carina entirely off guard. She'd seen James be sad, frustrated, and even disappointed. But she'd never seen him be genuinely angry.

"If you knew what Remus was, why in the world would you ever be foolish enough to come out here tonight, Carina?" He reprimanded in a hard tone. "Do you have any idea how badly this could've gone? You're lucky Remus hasn't _smelt_ you out by now."

"I'm sorry," she responded in a quiet tone. "I completely forgot it was the full moon."

James sighed, closing his eyes. "You need to be more careful about these things, Carina."

"Well, let me go back inside then," Carina insisted, trying to push past him.

She couldn't lie, it hurt how annoyed he seemed by her knowledge about them. She'd always stayed out of their business, hoping one day they'd trust her enough to just tell her. But judging by James' reaction, they'd never planned on telling her.

When he jerked her back against the tree once again, Carina lost the last of her patience. "Stop doing that! It _hurts!_"

"Sorry," he apologized, a flicker of guilt passing his expression. "But you can't go now. It's too far to the castle, and if Moony spots you, you'll never outrun him."

Carina stiffened, not realizing how dire their situation was.

They both froze the sound of leaves ruffling from the far side of the tree. Sirius emerged in his human form.

"James, what the hell are you doing-" His words cut off abruptly at the sight of Carina. "Oh, Carina, what are you doing out here," he said sadly.

"We need to get her inside," James told Sirius.

"Right well, Moony is headed right this way, I just figured he'd picked up on your scent, but I guess it might've been Carina. I'll distract him, but you need to move fast," Sirius commanded them.

This was the most serious she'd seen any of these boys. They clearly took their duties watching over Remus exceptionally personally.

When the sound of a howl came from closer than ever before, Sirius was shifting back into his dog form, bounding away from the shelter of the tree.

"What-" before she could continue, James covered her mouth with his hand, pressing her against the tree with his own body, almost trying to blend them in with the landscape. Carina's breath caught at the feel of James pressed against her so intimately. The human was just as warm as the stag, and his smokey scent of broom polish and bergamot overwhelmed her senses. But the sound of rustling from nearby snapped her back to reality. They were probably a layer of branches and leaves away from being caught by a werewolf on a full moon.

When the scuffling sounds seemed a bit more distant, James caught Carina's hand, pulling her away from the tree.

"You'll never make it to the castle on your own. So I'm going to transform now, and I'll give you a ride to the castle, okay?"

"What?"

"We don't have time, Carina," James whispered urgently, shaking her by the shoulders. "Just climb on when I transform, okay?

Carina could only nod, entirely baffled by the turn of events.

James was transforming back into a magnificent stag before she could so much as blink. He sunk down to try and make more accessible for her as she climbed onto his back hesitantly. Carina bit back a small squeal when James straightened to his full height, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck. James broke into a steady sprint, carrying her towards the safety of the castle, and she could only hold on for dear life. Her heart sunk when she heard a snarling sound behind them. Dredging up the courage to look back, she was met with the sight of a fully transformed werewolf in pursuit of them. Her arms tightened around James' neck.

"He's right behind us," she whispered to him fearfully.

His only response was an impatient grunt.

He took a sharp turn to try and evade Moony, making Carina actually scream in her effort to stay on his back. Moony was not at all phased and even began gaining ground on them. The werewolf took a leap at them, and Carina buried her head into the soft fur at James' neck with a soft whimper. Her only thought was she hated to have put Remus in such a position. She didn't want this on his conscience.

James picked somehow found the strength to pick up speed, but even he feared it wouldn't be enough when Moony lunged to swipe out at Carina. Luckily Sirius reached them in time to tackle Remus away from them mid-air. Using Moony's momentary disorientation in his favor, James bound back to the castle faster than he'd ever run before. He made it into the shadowed shelter of the courtyard, taking deep, huffing breaths. He turned to see Carina still clenching onto his neck, her eyes shut tightly, and her entire body shivering from fear.

He transformed slowly until Carina was hugging his back like a monkey.

"Carina, we're okay now," he told her gently.

Her eyes fluttered open cautiously, her lashes spiky and wet from the involuntary tears that'd escaped. She slid down off James' back slowly.

"Sorry," she said softly, still trying to find her voice.

"Are you alright?" He asked, turning to her.

"Fine," she squeaked. She started to move away, ready to climb into bed, and try and forget it ever happened.

"Carina," James stopped her, holding her gently by the shoulders. "It's okay to be shaken... I think that's the closest encounter I've ever had with Moony that could've gone so badly."

Carina shrugged. "I'm okay, it was my fault anyway, I shouldn't have been out."

"You... you aren't going to tell on Remus, are you?" James asked hesitantly.

Carina stiffened, pulling back. _That hurt. Even after seven years, he expected her to rat them out? _"I haven't in the past six years, so I see no reason to tonight," she said tightly. "Now, if you'll excuse me." She pulled out of his hold, walking briskly towards the stairs.

James ran after her in panic, putting himself in her path. "I'm sorry, that's not what I meant," he pleaded. "I just had to make sure, you know?"

"I understand," Carina nodded stiffly, trying to move around him. It didn't_ mean it hurt any less._

"Why haven't you said anything?" James asked, moving in front of her once more. "If you've known this entire time, why haven't you said anything?"

Carina looked at him sadly. "It wasn't my place to. I figured if any of you wanted to talk about it, you'd eventually reach out, but seeing as you didn't, it wasn't my place to interfere."

"It's not that we don't trust you," James insisted. "But it's Remus' secret, you know? And he's always been scared of more people finding out, so we just decided to keep it between the four of us."

Carina sighed tiredly. "It's alright, James, it's really none of my business. My lips are sealed, Remus doesn't even need to know I know. I wouldn't want tonight on his conscience anyway."

"We can't exactly keep this from Remus," James grimaced guiltily.

_Right,_ Carina thought dimly. _They won't keep anything from each other, but I'm not really a part of their group, so I suppose I don't count._

"That's fine too," she shrugged, forcing a casualness to her voice. "But in that case, I want to talk to him tomorrow morning. He deserves to know it was my fault, not his."

"It wasn't anyone's fault, Carina," James pointed out softly.

"I just don't want him to feel guilty."

"He's in the hospital wing by first light," James told her.

He knew it was uncalled of him to question her loyalty, but when it came to Remus' furry little secret, they never left any precaution unturned. But he could tell it hit a sore spot with Carina and wasn't quite sure how to fix it.

"Right, well goodnight," Carina said, making her way around him.

"Carina," James called after her hesitantly.

She stopped but didn't turn. "It's fine, James, go back out there with the others. I'll see you all first thing tomorrow."

**~o~o~o~**

Remus was the picture of self-deprecating guilt when Carina arrived at his bedside in the hospital wing the next morning. He looked more roughed up than a usual full moon, but Carina chalked it up to his scuffle with Sirius when the others had tried to keep Moony away from her.

"Judging from your face, the others told you what happened," Carina observed wryly.

"Carina, I'm so sorry," Remus immediately began apologizing profusely. "I would've never forgiven myself if something happened to you."

"Remus," she interrupted him imploringly. "There's nothing to forgive," she assured him. She picked up his hand, cradling it within her own. "It was my mistake for being out there in the first place."

"No, it's not." He argued resolutely. "I don't understand how you can even look at me the same way."

"I've known for quite some time about your condition, so don't expect me to suddenly go all cold on you," Carina insisted. "You'll always be one of my dearest friends."

"Why didn't you say anything?" Remus asked.

Carina shrugged. "It wasn't my place, you were obviously trying to keep it a secret. But I knew you weren't alone since Peter, Sirius, and James knew. I figured if you ever needed someone else to open up to, you would."

Remus squeezed her hand gratefully. "If I had it my way, no one would know. The boys figured it out themselves too. If I had to trust anyone with this secret, it would probably be you. I suppose I've just been terrified of losing you."

"You're not losing anyone, Remus Lupin. Last night was scary, yes, but it was also just a bad accident."

"I'm lucky to have you," Remus smiled weakly.

"You deserve that and more," Carina countered. "Now get some rest, we'll all be here when you wake."

Carina left his bedside intending to head down for an absurdly early breakfast when she found the object of her frustrations in her path once more.

"James," she nodded. "Where are the others?"

"Upstairs, getting cleaned up."

"You look horrible." She observed.

He really did. He stood in front of her sheepishly with his hands in his pockets, but he had a large gash running down his neck that was clearly healed haphazardly. Small scratches littered his arms, and she'd bet there were even more to match under his clothes.

"Moony was a bit short-tempered when I returned with your scent on me." He shrugged.

Carina felt guilty all of a sudden. He got roughed up for helping her escape.

"Why haven't you been healed?" She asked incredulously.

James winced. "Well, none of us are quite good at healing spells, and Madam Pomfrey can't know we're illegal Animagi so..."

Carina sighed. "Right, come on then," she headed for the stairs expecting him to follow.

"Where?"

"Well, you can't exactly wander the castle looking like you got beat up by a werewolf, can you?"

She led him to the Room of Requirement, figuring it would be the safest place to not encounter anyone asking questions. James asked about a dozen questions about how she'd found such a room in the castle when even the Marauders didn't know about it. She led him into a room that resembled the Gryffindor common room.

"Sit," she instructed.

He wordlessly obeyed, sitting down on the nearest table.

She clinically unbuttoned the top of his shirt, revealing the full extent of the deepest gash she could see. She winced at the sight but got to work on it immediately, patiently trying to knit together the torn flesh.

"You know, I was thinking all last night," James told her, studying her carefully.

"And?" Carina kept her eyes on her work.

"You've been looking after Remus for years, even without any of us knowing you knew about his furry little problem."

Carina raised an eyebrow dubiously, continuing with her healing. "I'm sure I don't know what you mean."

James studied her carefully. "Don't you? You were the one who always had copious amounts of chocolate to share around the full moon. I always thought it was crazy someone was as obsessed with chocolate as you, but you were probably carrying it half the time to make sure Remus had some on hand."

Carina's movements slowed, but she tried to keep her focus.

But James surged on. "You were the one who would have all the notes for the classes he missed too. You don't even take astronomy or divination, but you always had the notes ready for him."

Carina shrugged as she finished healing all the visible wounds. "I would've done that even if I didn't know about his condition."

"But you did know," James emphasized. "And you still did it anyway."

"Of course I did it, Remus is one of my dearest friends," Carina snapped. "Do you have any other wounds, or was that it?"

James hesitated a second before beginning to unbutton his shirt. Carina's eyes widened, but she forced herself to remain impassive. She'd seen them shirtless before.

James winced as he peeled his shirt off his body. The sight made Carina gasp aloud in shock, her hands flying to her mouth.

"James..."

"Don't tell Remus," he pleaded. "He'd never forgive himself."

His entire torso was littered with dark purple bruises and greenish welts on top of the scattered claw marks. Carina circled him, and his back was in equally worse shape. Her hand automatically shot out to trace some of the worst bruises gingerly, and she felt his muscles flex under her cool touch.

"Of course," she whispered.

He sagged with relief. "Thank you."

She worked silently, tears gathering in her eyes. Her frustration was wholly forgotten as she was faced head-on with the evidence of James Potter's loyalty. She felt great relief at being able to see the bruises and cuts fade under her wand. She was thankful now more than ever that she decided to spend the past summer with Madam Pomfrey to pass the time. As sheltered as they were within the castle, she knew the world witnessed horrors every day, and she wanted to have the skills to alleviate that pain, even if just a little.

When she'd finally made it back in front of him and healed everything to the best of her abilities, she could once again see the sinewy muscles of his upper body. He wasn't bulky like a beater, but nor was he entirely lean like a seeker.

"Thank you," James told her sincerely, trying to catch her eye.

"Of course," she shrugged.

"No," he emphasized, catching her hand to make her look at him. "Not, of course. You're always there for us whenever we need, even when we don't even know it. And you do it without asking for a single thing in return- even the truth."

She finally looked up at him. "It's alright," she insisted. "I do it because I care."

He stared at her for a moment, using his other hand to brush aside a stray tear on her cheek. He squeezed her hand with his other hand.

"We don't deserve you." He realized.

Carina laughed, pulling away from the burning sensation of his hands on her. "Of course you don't, but where would you lot be if I weren't?"


	4. Needs to Sort Out His Priorities

**04 | NEEDS TO SORT OUT HIS PRIORITIES**

The next day, Carina locked away any lingering feelings of hurt and put on her everyday smile for the world. So what if the Marauders didn't consider her as close of a friend as she did them? She knew that at the end of the day she could go to them for anything and they'd be there.

She was lounging in the common room with Lily and Alice the next afternoon doing homework when a familiar head poked his way into their area.

"Carina, haven't forgotten you agreed to study with me, have you?" James grinned good-naturedly.

"No, of course not," she replied smoothly, not looking up from her essay. "Let me finish this up, and I can meet you at the library."

"Mmmkay," he hummed happily, pushing away from the chair.

Alice and Lily shared a curious glance, and they looked back towards Carina, who was still engrossed in her editing. James Potter studying? That had to be a joke.

They were suddenly surprised again when James plopped back down in the empty chair with a carefree attitude.

"Actually- one more thing."

"Potter, we're actually trying to study," Lily groaned, rolling her eyes. "Bother Carina later."

"It'll be quick," he promised. "Carina?"

"Hm?" She mumbled, her eyes still sweeping over her parchment.

"Will you go to the Equinox Ball with me?"

Lily and Alice stared at James with their jaws dropped, and Carina's small scratches from her quill halted. She finally looked up at James in undulated surprise.

"What?"

"Will you." He pointed to her. "Go to the Spring Equinox Ball. With me?" He pointed to himself.

Carina couldn't help the blank look of astonishment on her face. He certainly hadn't prepared her for that. "Why?"

James chuckled in surprise. "Because I want to go with you."

Carina just stared in shock. This was too much too soon. Lily would certainly realize this was a hoax at this rate. "As friends, right?" Carina clarified with a nervous laugh.

James raised an eyebrow in an unconcerned manner. "How about we decide at the end of the night?"

Carina's laugh faded into a baited silence as Lily and Alice watched them in shock.

"What?" Carina repeated once again.

_This was moving way too fast, even if it was fake._

James laughed again, a deep, bellowing laugh this time. "I don't think you're getting it, love," he smirked. "You and me, Equinox Ball, date."

"Umm..." Carina shook her head as if to clear it. "Can I think about it?"

"Of course," he replied quickly, getting to his feet. "See you at the library in a bit?"

Carina nodded wordlessly as James walked away.

It wasn't even ten seconds after he was out of earshot when the girls were immediately at Carina's ears.

"What in Merlin's name was that?"

"Are you going to say yes?"

"What the bloody hell is he up to?"

"Do you like him?"

Alice and Lily paused, looking at each other in surprise.

"You don't think he actually means it, do you?" Lily asked incredulously.

"You don't think he does?" Alice asked.

"Well, of course not, this came out of nowhere!" Lily cried.

"She's his best friend- who else would it be if not her?" Alice shrugged. "It's 7th year Lily, the man has to move on eventually."

They both turned their gaze on an unprepared Carina. "Are you going to say yes?" They both asked, Alice in an excited tone that contrasted Lily's incredulous one.

"I don't know," Carina shrugged helplessly. "Maybe?"

"Do you like him?" They asked, their contrasting tones building.

Carina glanced back and forth between them in frozen panic. "No! I don't know! Look, I wasn't exactly expecting this to happen."

"Of course not," Alice agreed readily. "But James Potter _is a catch_, and the two of you are as close as he's ever been to any girl for the last decade."

Lily snorted under her breath, and Alice rolled her eyes at her friend.

"He _is_ a catch," she told Lily. "You're possibly the only one left who doesn't think so."

"Lily...?" Carina spoke hesitantly. "You sure you don't mind all this?"

"Hm?" Lily blinked as if being pulled from the recess of her thoughts. "Of course not, why would you think that?"

"Don't mind her," Alice said firmly. "Potter hasn't managed to catch Lily's interest in 7 bloody years, give him a chance for Merlin's sake! Let this man get a girlfriend!"

Carina glanced back and forth between her two friends. This was better than she could've ever planned for. Alice, in her genuine enthusiasm for her friend, was proving to be the perfect alibi and unwitting partner, and funnily enough James's number one fan. And Lily, despite her scoffs of disinterest, was clearly frazzled by James's shift in attention. Carina gathered her books slowly, making sure to take her time as she sighed.

"I don't know," she said quietly in what she hoped was a wistfully torn voice. "I suppose I'd never really let myself consider it."

"Well, he'll be waiting for you in the library." Alice pointed out.

"I need some time, I need to try and figure things out," Carina mumbled to herself, getting to her feet.

Lily remained quiet as Alice smiled at her understandingly. Carina climbed out of the passageway, heading straight for the library. While his plan seemed to work wonders, she was still fuming over James's surprise.

~o~o~o~

She greeted him with a hard smack to the ribs.

"Ouch!" He yelped, wincing away from her.

"Shit, sorry," Carina cursed, immediately fumbling over him. "I forgot about your bruises. Are they still tender?"

"A bit," James said amusedly as he rubbed his side, already having forgiven her before she apologized.

"Well-" Carina's sympathy hardened as the afternoon came rushing back to her. "Serves you right! How could you spring that on me back there?"

"I'm sorry," James placated, not seeming at all apologetic. "But you had the perfect reaction! You had to be just as surprised as them for Lily to believe it!"

Carina eyed him before shrugging lightly. "I suppose you're not wrong..."

"Is that a compliment I hear?" James cupped his ear dramatically, leaning into her.

"Don't flatter yourself," she nudged him away with a single finger.

"So," he grinned, leaning back against the abandoned table near the window. "Will you go with me?"

"To the Equinox Ball?" Carina raised an eyebrow dubiously. "Don't you want to go with Lily?"

"I mean sure, but we both know how it would go if I asked her. Besides, we're good friends, we'd have a fun night together anyway." James explained casually.

"True," Carina shrugged. "Alright, if Lily hasn't admitted her supposedly dormant feelings by then, sure I'll go with you."

James's face scrunched in confusion. "But that would leave you with no time to find a proper date if Lily did change her mind."

Carina laughed at his innocent concern. "I really doubt you'll be thinking about that if she actually admits she wants to go to the ball with you."

"No," James insisted. "I wouldn't leave you last minute like that, I'm not _that_ much of a prat. We're going together. You and me. No matter what happens with Lily."

"Yeah, okay," Carina nodded placatingly, knowing very well not to put too much faith in that.

"Let's go," James said excitedly, pulling her out of the library.

"For what," Carina dug her heels in.

"So I can go brag to the entire common room about my date, of course!"

"James!"

The excited marauder ignored her outraged, yet reluctantly amused admonitions as he led her up the endless flights of stairs to their tower.

"You know, Lily's already cagey about this whole thing," Carina told James as he led her along the halls. "We might not even have to do this for long.

"All the more reason to go full steam ahead," James grinned.

He burst into the common room, his eyes glowing with a mischievous twinkle as he faced the busy common room. Sirius, Remus, and Peter looked at him in puzzlement as he raised his hand in the air in victory.

"She said yes!"

"Did Lily finally take you up on that date, Potter?" A sixth year chuckled at him. Extravagance was not a novel concept for James. The common room was used to these occasional shows of dramatics.

"Not Lily," James said smugly, looking back at Carina, who stood quietly shaded in his more substantial frame.

His gaze lingered on her meaningfully as the entire room broke into low whistles of surprise and support. Sirius raised an eyebrow in amusement, tilting his head in approval at their strategic move. Remus merely looked between them and Lily, the concern in his eyes evident.

The whispers grew louder, some people claiming they saw it coming all along. Carina blushed under everyone's gaze. She knew every single person in the room individually but was never the sole object of their collective attention. She didn't quite like the spotlight like that.

"I'm so close to taking it back," she groaned under her breath, but not so quietly that others didn't hear.

The room broke into easygoing chuckles, buying into the act quickly with her genuine embarrassment.

"You can't," James smirked. "Too many witnesses now!"

They walked over to the marauders as Alice pulled Lily over to them.

"You said yes!" She exclaimed happily.

"We're friends," Carina shrugged modestly. "I have no reason to say no. Better him than some desperate bloke looking to get lucky last minute." That wasn't really a lie if she thought about it.

"I don't know," Lily shrugged nonchalantly. "I think you might've just gotten stuck with that desperate bloke, Ri."

"Hey!" James protested, seeming genuinely caught off guard.

"I don't trust you," Lily said pointedly. "And you certainly don't deserve Carina."

James froze, staring at Lily in surprise for a moment of shocked silence. The marauders, Alice, and Carina stood awkwardly as the tension between them built.

"I know I don't," James finally said dejectedly. "Lucky for me, Carina knows me, and she likes to believe the best in people."

Lily narrowed her eyes on him, not expecting his frank self-reflection. She rolled her eyes, walking away. Alice threw them an apologetic glance before deciding to go after Lily. Maybe she could talk some sense into her.

Carina sighed, placing a hand on James's shoulder. She knew the defeat in his tone was not because he thought he didn't deserve her. It's because Lily thought so.

"You okay?"

"I thought you said she was warming up to me?" James laughed bitterly.

"I said she was cagey about this whole thing."

"Seems like everything I do only makes her hate me more..."

"Hey," Carina said sternly. "I love Lily, but she's not right about you."

"But-"

"You are a good person, and if she can't see that, it's her loss. You deserve better, don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise."

James turned to her, watching her carefully as if trying to decide something. His curious gaze held her eyes for an eternity. She waited until she felt like squirming under his gaze, moving to pull her hand off his shoulder. James caught her hand before she could withdraw. He rubbed his thumb over her soft skin thoughtfully.

"Well, she was right about one thing," James admitted softly, smiling to himself.

Carina raised an eyebrow curiously.

"I don't deserve you."

Carina chuckled softly, squeezing his hand gently. "Of course you don't, but where would you be without me?"


	5. Chinks in Her Armor

**05 | CHINKS IN HER ****ARMOR**

It had only been a day since James announced his intentions for Carina to the entirety of Gryffindor Tower.

So naturally, the entire school knew.

When the boys made it down to breakfast the next morning, they were surprised to see the girls still missing. They were almost always guaranteed to beat them downstairs- especially Carina, even more so since it was a school day. James could hear the whispers flying through the room as he made his way down the hall. The sound was music to his ears as he took his seat in content.

"Why are you so smug?" Remus asked curiously.

"It's working," James grinned. "The entire school already believes it, and it's only been a day."

"That's not your doing," Peter snorted.

"What do you mean? I think that act in the common room was pretty great," James defended.

"That spread the word, sure," he shrugged. "But that's not why they believe it."

Remus, Sirius, and James all looked at Peter expectantly.

"Every single person in this hall knows Carina isn't the type to do things half-heartedly. They trust _her_, and because it's _her_, they believe it's real and could actually last." Peter told them slowly. It was quite a change of pace: him being the one to see the point while his mates were lost.

"Carina's great Pete, but she's not that infamous," Sirius laughed off.

"You're too stuck in your own head to see it," Peter rolled his eyes. "She might not get talked about, but I bet you most people in this hall have had a real conversation with her at least once."

Remus stared around the room contemplatively. "He's right," he agreed eventually, after really thinking it through. How had he not realized before? "She tutors the young ones, she's one of the prefects who actually gets to know the other houses, she partners with someone different for almost every class. She probably knows everyone in the entire school."

Sirius let loose a low whistle. "Look at our little Carina go."

"See? All the more confirmation that I chose the perfect person for this." James said confidently.

"I don't like it," Peter said honestly. "Carina cares about us too much to tell you no, James. But it's not fair for you to use her like this."

"I'm not using her!" He insisted strongly.

"Pete..." Sirius warned quietly. He didn't know where this was all coming from; Pete was usually happy to go along with their shenanigans.

"What does she get out of this arrangement?" Peter pointed out.

"She-" James blanked, seeing his point. "She's helping me out because she's my friend. As any of us would do for her."

Remus studied Peter, the realization of what he was getting at really dawning on him.

"Would we?" Remus finally spoke up. "She's been there for us all these years, and we didn't even tell her the truth about our monthly adventures."

"I'm sure she understood," Sirius said. "She's very reasonable."

"But that doesn't mean it wasn't like a slap in the face every time we looked her in the eye and lied," Peter said pointedly.

"All right, all right," Sirius threw his hands up. "Carina's a saint. We get it."

"That's not the point," Peter rolled his eyes, at the end of his patience. "Just stop taking advantage of her."

"I'm not..." James said softly, the guilt clouding his positive outlook from earlier. "At least I don't mean to..."

"Mate, you're fine," Sirius assured. "Carina's not some wallflower- I would know," he shuddered, remembering the many times she told him off for toeing some undrawn line. "If she didn't want to help, she wouldn't have done it."

"Maybe you could do something nice to thank her for all this once it's over," Remus recommended diplomatically. "I'm sure she'd appreciate that."

"Like what?" James asked sheepishly.

"We could surprise her this summer," Sirius said excitedly. "After graduation. Take a trip she wants."

"Oh right, where does she live anyway?" James asked. "We have to figure out how best to meet up after graduation."

Remus and Peter glanced at each other discreetly, and it was not missed by James.

"What now?" He frowned.

"Mate, Carina hasn't left Hogwarts all year," Remus said quietly.

"Not even for the holidays?" Sirius was puzzled.

"Nope," Peter shook his head. "Besides, remember she was already here at the beginning of the term? She didn't take the train with us."

"Strange..." James mused. "We'll have to talk to her about it."

"James," Remus spoke up, grimacing when he turned to him expectantly. "Just... be careful with Carina. I think Peter's right, we haven't done nearly as much for her as she does for us. We don't want this to be the thing that pushes her one step too far."

James groaned, "Not you too! Look, guys, I have no intention of just using Carina. We really are going to the ball together- it'll be fun and genuine."

"What about Lily?" Sirius asked.

"Lily would never say yes, we already know that." James dismissed.

"Wow." Remus cringed. "Is that what you told Carina?"

"Essentially?" James shrugged.

"Way to make a girl feel special, mate," Peter pointed out.

"She knew it was staged the entire time. She was in on it!" James defended. "Besides, I already told her I wouldn't ditch her last minute even if Lily did something impossible like confessing her love for me by then."

He couldn't help the excited but slightly cocky grin at the thought. Remus sighed while Peter rolled his eyes. Sirius shrugged.

"Good call," Sirius nodded. "She wouldn't deserve that."

When the girls finally made their entrance, James immediately noticed Carina was absent from their group.

"Where is she?" He mumbled. The guys shrugged, just as much in the dark.

"Hey, Evans," James called out.

The entire school seemed to hold its breath. They waited for his next move, knowing full well he'd been in love with Lily for years yet had just asked his best friend to the ball.

"What now, Potter?" Lily asked in her usual impatient tone that she reserved solely for James.

"Where's Carina?"

The entire hall exhaled, small hopeful smiles blooming in interest.

"She wasn't in the dorms, we figured she'd already come down," Lily shrugged. "She must still be hiding away in the castle after that stunt you pulled."

Before James could reply, she connected arms with Alice, walking further down the table.

He seemed to think about it for a second before swiftly rising from the table.

"Where are you going?" Sirius called as he walked towards the exit.

"To find her!" He called back.

Remus and Sirius raised an eyebrow curiously.

"That's new," Remus observed. The only girl James would ever bother searching the castle for was Lily. Even in the past when he needed to talk to Carina, he'd simply wait until he next saw her.

"He's already acting invested," Sirius smirked. "I know we all assumed she would never fall for him, but what if he falls for her?"

Remus quirked a smile. Carina could be great for James, and he might even just have a chance with her.

"I don't like it," Peter pursed his lips in concern.

**~o~o~o~**

Carina had indeed been hiding away since James's show in the common room. Even early this morning, she woke up at the crack of dawn, sneaking away to a remote corner of the library. It was easier to pretend nothing had changed by trying to keep her mind occupied.

When she heard the distant chimes of the bell tower through her maze of thoughts, her head jerked up suddenly.

_Merlin, it was already 8am! Breakfast was almost over, where had the time gone?_

She threw her books into her bag, rushing out of the library with her robes whipping around her legs in her haste. She'd barely made it down one flight of stairs when she heard the deep chuckles of an approaching group.

"Well, well, well, look who we have here," a haughty voice called out.

Carina slowed down warily. A group of five tall wizards stood across the landing from her.

"Lucius," she said carefully.

She continued walking, not wanted to show any sign of fear in case they weren't planning something and intended to just let her by. But as they spread out, blocking her path in all forward directions, Carina's held her breath, trying to think of the quickest plan. She finally came to a halt when they'd surrounded her.

"Did you need something, or can be I be on my way?" Carina asked neutrally, thankful she managed to keep her voice even.

"The entire school is buzzing about the news," he smirked. "You and Potter, the new golden couple! The Head Boy and Gryffindor's Angel."

Carina looked warily past Lucius' shoulder-length white hair at Severus Snape, his detached glowering, making her feel more alarmed. They were friends once upon a time if you could even call it that. She was one of the few Gryffindors who would still hang out with Lily when she spent time with Snape.

"I didn't take you as one of the gossipers," she said lightly, returning her watchful gaze to him.

She caught his hand tightening on his wand.

"Perhaps I like to stay informed about my enemies," he tilted his head coldly.

"Enemies? And here I thought we were casual acquaintances."

"Perhaps," Lucius murmured smoothly. "If only your family had seen the reason in the rising Dark Lord."

Carina stiffened, her back going as straight as a rod.

"Ahh..." Lucius watched her closely, stepping closer. "Did I hit a sore spot, Lennox?"

Carina pursed her lips, watching him with a slight glare.

"Let me through," she said in a hard voice she rarely liked using- even with the Slytherins. She made to move around Lucius, but he smoothly slid into her path. His eyes narrowed on her, almost cruelly.

"I don't think so," he said harshly. "Now that you've taken up with Potter, no doubt, you'll follow your parents' foolish path."

"That's none of your business," she bit out, her patience gone.

"Of course, it is. The Order of Phoenix is the losing side," he told her frankly, dropping all pretenses. "If you join them, you'll certainly be my enemy."

She made to move past him again, this time shoving past his shoulders. He merely caught onto her wrist with a tight steel grip that made her wince, bring her hurtling back into him.

"Perhaps you need another lesson in what happens when you side against us," he said harshly in her face before shoving her back away from him.

She had her wand out and braced in front of her in a heartbeat. Her eyes flew from Lucius, who was directly in front of her, to the other Slytherins who still surrounded her, all with their wands raised.

"Is that really how you want to risk getting expelled right before we graduate?" Carina responded evenly, despite her heart hammering against her throat. "I'm a prefect, who do you think they'll believe."

"Well then, we'll have to make sure they never find out," Lucius shrugged, advancing on her.

The first spell came from her left, and she threw up a quick shield in surprise. The next from her right, and an even stronger one from in front of her. Before she knew it, they cornered her to the edge of the stairs, not giving her enough time to try and escape.

As she began to tire under the onslaught, a stray jinx grazed her side, causing her to stumble in pain. Another hex hit her straight on, as she dropped to her knees from the impact.

"Carina!" She heard a distant voice cry in her now ringing ears.

She saw bright flashes from the corner of her eye as two of the Slytherins surrounding her dropped to her knees. She forced herself to rise to her feet, but another jinx sent her hurtling back. Losing her balance on the edge of the stairs, she tensed, preparing for the painful impact of rolling down the staircase. But to her surprise, a firm and steady grip caught her by the waist, pulling her back securely against a firm unmoving torso.

"If it isn't the knight in shining armor here to rescue the day," Lucius mocked. "We were just talking about you."

Carina, finally regaining her balance, tried to immediately pull out of James's arms, but he held on with a steely grip, not budging an inch.

"Fifty points from Slytherin for attacking another student," James spoke with a deadly calm glower. "Each."

Snape's eyes narrowed in hatred. "You can't do-"

"Oh, really? I'm Head Boy. Try me." James dared. "You can explain to McGonagall what happened yourselves when you start your next month of detention with her."

Lucius scoffed, not even taking James seriously. He turned his gaze to Carina, tutting in shame.

"You punish us now, but your little bird will pay for it in the end," he warned James.

Carina felt James tense at the threat, jerking forward with his wand raised. Carina caught his arm, pulling him down the stairs.

"Don't James- it's not worth it. Let's just go." She pleaded with him.

"You can't keep running forever, Lennox," Lucius warned her. "Wouldn't you rather join mummy and daddy rather than risking it on this fool?"

Carina stiffened at the veiled threat, which did not escape James's notice.

"What the bloody hell does that mean?" He growled.

"Oh, you don't know?" Lucius asked with gleaming amusement. "Oh, Angel, you haven't even told your boyfriend?"

"Shut it, Malfoy," Carina bit out. The last thing she needed was her friends pitying her over this.

"What-" James searched Carina's eyes in confusion.

"Not now," Carina begged, still tugging on his arm as she stepped down another stair.

James grip on her hand tightened, bringing her to a halt. He turned back to the group of Slytherins, the hatred on his face as clear as day.

"You ever come near her again, Malfoy, and I'll kill you myself," James spit out.

"Oooh, I'm so scared," Lucius mocked. "You'd better keep a close eye on her, Potter. You never know when _accidents_ happen."

With a hard glint in his eye, James turned abruptly, leading Carina down the stairs with an unyielding hold on her hand.

Once they'd left the Slytherins well behind them, Carina pulled her hand out of James's, no longer able to keep pace with his angry, brisk strides. Her sides ached from the jinxes they'd shot at her, and she still didn't know the extent of the damage they'd done. He looked back at her with a blank look, studying her face carefully, yet not giving her a hint towards his thoughts.

"What'd they mean about your parents?" James asked her in a hard voice.

Carina struggled to take a deep breath, clutching her sides as she looked up at him.

"It's nothing," she insisted.

"Bullshit," James yelled. "What the hell were they threatening?"

"James," she pleaded. "Just leave it alone."

"Like you left us alone about our secrets?" He raised an eyebrow unsympathetically. "Tell me, Carina, you're here preaching to us about honesty when you are keeping secrets from us?"

"Because this isn't about you!" She yelled, wincing slightly from the pain of it.

"Like our secrets are any of your business," he rebutted.

Carina stilled in surprise, looking at him with hurt in her eyes. James nearly relented. Nearly.

"That's not fair," she said quietly.

"Pot, meet kettle," he said unrelentingly.

"Fine," she murmured. "If that's how you feel, I certainly can't change your mind." She never had been able to before.

She walked around him, each step becoming more painful now that she'd actually stopped to take inventory of her body. James watched her pass him with an itching urge to drag her back and make her answer him. He'd admit he was spoiled, but he was usually used to getting his way. The only time he didn't was when it came to Lily. Carina had never refused him like this.

He turned, watching her steps slow towards the end of the hall. She swayed for a brief moment, and his legs were moving under him before he even realized. He got to her right as her knees buckled from under her.

"Stubborn witch," he mumbled as he hoisted her into his arms.

Carina blinked hard, trying to clear her head as her arms rested uncertainly around his neck.

"Put me down," she insisted weakly. "I'm perfectly capable of walking."

"Clearly not," he rolled his eyes. "What'd they hit you with anyway?"

"I don't know..." She whispered as she grimaced again.

He looked at her in concern, his worry overpowering his stubborn anger. Instead of putting her down, he walked into the nearest classroom, spelling the door shut behind him. He gently placed her on the most adjacent tabletop, watching her closely.

Once Carina had reoriented herself, she tried to slide off the desk, but James merely slid in front of her legs, planting both hands on the table on either side of her hips.

"I don't think so," he said smoothly. "We're not leaving until we fix whatever they did to you."

"That's not necessary-"

"Unless you want me to carry you all the way down to Pomfrey?" He raised an eyebrow knowingly. "But in that case, I'd have to be completely transparent about what led to all this-"

"I can take care of it myself, James," Carina's eyes flashed impatiently. She _hated _being coddled.

"You of all people know how dangerous it is to practice complex spells on yourself without experience- especially when you're already injured." He told her seriously.

"James-"

"Let me take care of you," he asked again softly. "Like you did for me."

Carina bit her lip hesitantly, and James's gaze immediately flew to the motion, almost entranced.

"Fine," she mumbled reluctantly.

When James stepped back to give her some space, she slowly unbuttoned her blouse from the neck down, internally groaning as she glimpsed the dark purple bruising scattered on her torso. It looked like someone beat her with a bloody broomstick. She stopped halfway, knowing James would lose his shit if he saw her like this.

James, almost as if he knew what she was thinking, took hold of the buttons she'd stopped on gently, a question in his eyes, and a plea to trust him. She looked at him for a second before nodding briefly. James made quick work of the remaining buttons. He parted her unbuttoned blouse carefully, taking in a sharp breath through his nose as he took in the sight. His hands bunched around her shirt into tense fists.

Her lovely bronze skin was shrouded by deep purple bruises almost wholly covering her stomach. He didn't even think about the smooth planes of her body, as he was painfully aware of the wounds on her soft skin.

"I'm going to kill them," he bit out, moving to leave the room.

Carina lunged out, grabbing his arm hastily. "NO. It's not worth it."

"Not worth it?" James eyed her incredulously. "Carina, you look... broken," his voice cracked as he looked down at her again. "If I'd only found you sooner."

"Stop that," she said softly. "This isn't anyone's fault except those Slytherins."

James played with the edges of her shirt as his eyes swept over each and every bruise carefully. "It won't be perfect, but I think I can heal most of these."

Carina sighed in relief; at least he wouldn't go charging after them foolishly. "Thank you."

James took his time, carefully healing each and every wound- sometimes twice over to make sure she wasn't in any more pain. The tip of his wand ghosted over Carina's skin, the warmth of the spell contrasted by the cool feel of the wood of his wand. When one of the deepest bruises finally faded to a faded green hue, James grazed his hand over the spot on her rib, checking to make sure it had healed properly. The sensation of his warm hands on her bare ribs surprised Carina, making her shiver involuntarily. James jerked his eyes to hers.

"Does it still hurt?" He asked urgently.

"No," she shook her head, a blush creeping up her neck. "It's just... sensitive..."

James nodded, returning his concentration to her bruises, entirely unaware of how Carina forced herself to take slow, even breaths.

_It's just because he's so close. It's natural,_ she justified. _The same thing would happen with literally any other person. Besides, it's James, for Merlin's sake. They were yelling at each other not five minutes ago simply because she wouldn't give in to his demands._

"So, what did Malfoy mean about your parents?" James asked, not looking up as he continued working.

"James," Carina groaned.

"You know you can tell me anything, right?" James assured softly, the calmness a stark contrast to his earlier anger. "It doesn't even matter if it's something outrageous like your parents joining the Death Eaters, it doesn't change how we see you- how I see you."

Carina stared down at James in shock. _Is that what he thought?_

"Where in the world did you get that idea," she choked out.

James glanced up at her, the hues of greens and gold in his hazel eyes crystal clear from this proximity.

"That's what Lucius said," he pointed out. "He said you would be better off joining your parents rather than staying by my side."

Carina gulped painfully, holding back a hysterical laugh. "That's not what he meant," she insisted vehemently. "My parents were _not_ Death Eaters."

He merely watched her patiently, waiting for her to elaborate.

Carina sighed, feeling the unwanted tears gather in her eyes. "They did approach my parents," she admitted. "My dad came from a long line of Dutch purebloods. He could even bring his talented daughter along," her tone grew bitter. "They only had one stipulation- he had to leave his filthy mudblood wife behind."

Understanding dawned in James's gaze as he straightened to his full height in front of her, and she had to look away before she caught the pity that was sure to follow.

"Clearly, he refused," she chuckled darkly. "I was supposed to be home that night, but I ended up staying out late with Alice by chance. I came home much later to their cold bodies."

"Carina," James said softly, squeezing her hand, not knowing what else to say.

"My father- he got lucky. Probably just a killing curse. He was cold, but he looked peaceful," she nodded past the tears. The dam had broken, and now she didn't know how to hold it all back. "My mother wasn't as fortunate. Her clothes were torn... there was so much blood... everywhere..." Carina shook her head against the memories, choking over her own words.

James pulled her into his embrace, tucking her head protectively into his chest as he held her through the shudders wracking her body.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered in her hair. "I'm so so sorry, angel."

"Don't call me that," she mumbled hatefully against his chest. "I'm no angel- I should've been with them that night."

"No." He pushed her back to stare into her eyes sternly. "Your parents would never have wanted that. You were _meant_ to live. You were meant to carry on their legacy. Their beautiful daughter," he gazed at her fondly. "So much better than they could have ever imagined. You _are_ an angel, this entire school knows it- even those bloody Slytherins."

Carina broke into silent cries, dropping her head against James's chest. He simply held her, not saying anything, not demanding anything, not telling her it'd all be okay. He just held her, giving her an anchor amid her turmoil. This was the first time she'd told someone else about her parents. It'd been over half a year, and yet she'd never let the truth escape her lips after that night. Dumbledore had allowed her to stay at Hogwarts in the meantime as she was already of age, but never had she once verbally acknowledged what happened that night.

Some time passed before Carina finally became aware of their position- her sitting with her shirt open and parted, cradled in James Potter's embrace. She pushed back, closing the ends of her shirt, fumbling with the buttons from her shaking hands.

James watched in concern for a moment before gently knocking her hands aside, taking over the task himself.

"Why did you never tell us?" He finally asked.

Carina sighed. "I'd never said it out loud until now." She admitted. "Dumbledore got his briefing from the Aurors. Saying it... it felt too real. Being back at Hogwarts, I could almost forget my reality sometimes."

"We would've been there for you," he told her. "You could've come home with one of us over the holidays, you could've depended on us."

"I didn't need your pity then, I certainly don't need it now."

James rolled his eyes, grumbling, "stubborn witch." Carina's eyes widened in surprise- but he cut her off. "We'd do anything for you, why don't you trust us?"

"I do," she insisted vehemently. "I cared about you all too much to put you in that position. I didn't need you all tip-toeing around me about Remus's secret. Besides, I had it handled. I was hardly an orphan, I was already of age by the time they-" Carina broke off the sentence, sighing wearily. "I was fine on my own."

Understanding filled James's eyes- followed immediately by guilt.

"Bloody hell, we _really _fucked up," he groaned, gazing at her sadly.

"What?" Carina asked quietly.

"The fact that you felt like you couldn't come to us- that you could _ever_ be an inconvenience to us means we failed you." He closed his eyes, his head tilting down in shame. "Seven bloody years and all we've done is take from you, we couldn't even be there for you when you needed us most."

"Hey," she said softly, tilting his head up by tapping the underside of his chin. "I don't blame any of you." She assured. "I just tend to retreat into myself when I feel hurt or scared."

James squeezed her hand, afraid that she'd simply disappear in front of him.

"Promise me you'll come to me if anything happens," he asked. "Or one of the others- anyone."

"James-"

"_Promise,_" he asked sternly, holding her eyes. "I don't want you to be alone during anything like that ever again."

Carina smiled sadly, touched by his concern. "I promise."

"Okay, come on," he said, lifting her effortlessly from the desk and setting her on her feet. "We'll be late."

His hand found hers instinctively, still feeling protective over her. He led them straight to their first class- which they fortunately shared. They'd already missed the remainder of breakfast with their delay and were lucky to make it to class on time.

They barely made it as the bell chimed on the hour. The entire classroom and Professor McGonagall turned their heads as they entered the room. The group of Gryffindors and Ravenclaws stared, not shocked, yet still pleasantly surprised. McGonagall glanced from the two of them to their still joined hands in surprised contemplation before turning back to finish writing the lesson on the board.

"Have a seat, you two," she said easily. "See to it you don't start making Ms. Lennox tardy, Mr. Potter," she warned him with a small smile.

While usually James would've taken advantage of the opening and fired back some witty response, he was still hyperaware of what had just happened and what he'd learned about one of his oldest friends.

"Yes, Professor," he said in a rare moment of acceptance.

James walked Carina over to her regular seat next to Remus towards the front of the room, his hand still firmly holding hers. Not that she tried to escape; she was too emotionally dazed to care what all the others thought.

He only let her go once they'd reached Remus. He caught the werewolf's curious gaze, nodding briefly towards Carina gravely. Remus, immediately picking up on James's signals, nodded back as Carina slid into her seat.

Something had happened- something terrible. James was asking him to take care of her.

The entire class watched in gleeful adoration at the bizarre exchange, merely thinking it a case of young love between the two.

Yet when James turned to walk back to his seat beside Sirius, he caught sight of Lily. She was staring at them both in confused surprise. Her eyebrows furrowed in displeasure, probably because she didn't approve of James for her best friend. Yet for the first time, he couldn't bring himself to give a shit what she thought. Noticing his gaze, Lily quickly averted her gaze, focusing back on her notes.

He settled into his seat, not hearing a single word of the lecture.

Sirius kept throwing him concerned glances, rarely seeing James this serious. But James Potter was lost in his own head. They only had a few months left of Hogwarts, but he'd be dammed if they left with Carina thinking she was on her own in this big, lonely world.

**~o~o~o~**

**I really love where this is going ^_^**  
**Thoughts?**  
**~ Mischief Managed**


	6. Prove Yourself

**06 | PROVE YOURSELF**

To James's dismay, Carina was separated from them in the following period. She went off to Herbology with Lily while James, Remus, and Sirius were scheduled for a free period. No longer needing the subject for their qualifications for Auror training, they'd decided to drop it. But Lily, with her interest in healing, and Carina with her penchant for potions, never thought twice about continuing with it.

James watched as Lily waited for Carina so they could head out together. So far, she seemed oblivious to her friend's earlier incident. Yet he couldn't help but notice the tired step in Carina's stride, his brows furrowing in concern.

"What happened?" Remus asked him immediately, catching his friend watching the departing girls from outside the classroom.

'Not here," he mumbled. "Let's go to the shack."

"What?" Sirius asked in surprise as he approached them. They rarely went to the Shrieking Shack outside the full moons. It wasn't somewhere Remus liked to be, and they only went when they needed the utmost privacy.

"Remus, tell Peter to meet us?" James asked unfazed.

"Sure," Remus nodded, not entirely understanding, but sensing the urgency.

That's where they were, nearly an hour later, after James filled them in on the morning's events. The boys were all lost in their own grim pondering. Sirius appeared sympathetic, as he himself understood what it was like to not have a dependable family. He started living with the Potters not more than a year ago. Remus and Peter both seemed guilt-ridden, feeling terrible about not having known earlier since they'd been friends with Carina the longest out of the four of them.

"What do we do?" Peter asked uncertainly.

"Well, she certainly doesn't want us treating her differently," James laughed dryly. "She went through quite the lengths to ensure that."

"But she'd never tell us if something was wrong, anyway," Sirius shook his head wryly.

"Exactly. We just have to keep a closer eye, make more of an effort," James confirmed.

"Well, it's almost lunch," Peter reminded them. "We can probably catch her in the Great Hall soon."

"You all go ahead," James said.

"Where are you going?" Sirius demanded.

"To go find Carina. She still looked rather drained, and it's a long walk back to the castle from the greenhouse."

Without waiting for a response, James started on the trek down the mountain, leaving his three friends staring after him with their jaws dropped.

"Do you suppose this is just his guilt, or do you think he's got it bad?" Sirius asked them genuinely.

"For her sake, I almost hope it's guilt," Peter said resolutely.

"Why?" Remus asked in surprise. "Carina would be so good for him."

"No doubt about that," he agreed. "But James has been fawning over Lily for years. If it came down to it in the next few months, who do _you_ think he'd pick?"

Remus and Sirius went silent. As much as they wanted to disagree, they didn't have the confidence to.

**~o~o~o~**

Carina went through her last two classes in a bit of a daze, feeling unanchored in the reality she'd finally spoken aloud. To her immense relief, Lily was surprisingly quiet about how James walked her into the classroom. She didn't know if she could handle trying to explain that right now.

They worked through Herbology in relative silence, Carina lost in her own memories. Lily would glance at her every now and then, wanting to speak to her, but not liking the nature of each question her mind thought up.

_Why were you holding hands with Potter?_

_Do you really like him?_

_Does he really like you?_

_Does that mean he's really moved on from me?_

Lily remained tight-lipped, the questions racing through her head, making her more concerned for her own sanity. Part of her insisted to herself that she was merely worried about Potter rebounding with one of her closest friends. She didn't want Carina caught up in that- she genuinely didn't. Yet somewhere deep down, there was a nagging sensation that made her inherently reject the idea of her best friend with Potter.

When the distant sounds of the bell finally reached them, they packed away their supplies. Lily finally noticed the fatigue in Carina's movements when she grimaced as she picked up her bag.

"You alright?" She asked curiously.

"Fine," Carina shrugged off. "My muscles just get achy when I'm tired."

"Oh, okay."

When they left the greenhouse, Lily halted in her tracks at the sight of James Potter waiting out front. He caught sight of them, immediately walking their way.

Her typical taunt of 'what is it now, Potter?' stopped cold on her lips. The last few times she'd talked to him, all he'd wanted from her was information about Carina. The thought made her stomach churn uncomfortably.

"Carina," he called out with a gentle smile, confirming Lily's thoughts.

She'd never seen him behave so gently with a girl. Even in the past days, James had still been his usual showy self- he practically made a spectacle of Carina in the common room, for Merlin's sake!

"James!"

"Heading to lunch?" He asked, as he effortlessly reached around her, sliding her bag away from her and onto his own shoulder.

"Oh, actually, I might head back to the tower. I have my free period after lunch anyway, I think I just want to lay down for a bit," she admitted sheepishly, trying to take her bag back.

"That's alright," he moved out of her reach. "I'll walk you."

"James, it's alright, just go to lunch," she told him in pleased amusement.

James ignored her, merely looking to Lily, who seemed to awkwardly trail after them. "What about you, Evans? Going to lunch?"

"I-" Lily stopped short. She'd been about to reply in one of her typical punchy responses that she saved for him, yet he seemed so calm and relaxed that it would only make her seem unnecessarily aggressive. So she settled for a simple, "yeah."

"Remus and the others should already be there," he offered cordially, knowing Lily would lose her friend for the next hour.

"Thanks..." Lily answered, unable to keep the uncertainty out of her voice. _They were never merely cordial._

"You feeling better?" James asked Carina in a quieter tone as he noticed she slowed down a bit. "Because I can snag you a pain potion if you need it."

Lily's eyebrows shot to her hairline. Potter was actually being attentive and sensitive. This had to be some sort of joke.

"You're Head Boy," Carina chuckled weakly. "You can't just go raid Pomfrey's potions stock."

"She'll just assume it's for another Quidditch injury," he rolled his eyes with an amused smile.

The sunlight backlighted his entire profile, making him look like he was glowing, and that on top of the carefree smile made Carina warm in affection. _He really was a catch. _When he turned to the girls, his eyes caught the attention of more than just one witch.

"You coming, Evans?" James asked curiously when he noticed Lily had abruptly stopped a few strides behind them.

"Uh..." Lily blanked, snapping out of her thoughts. Her errantly _dangerous_ thoughts. "Fine, you two go ahead."

Carina looked at her in askance, but James merely shrugged, nudging his shoulder against Carina, prompting her to turn and keep walking further into the central courtyard.

Lily shook her head in denial as she watched them go. This was everything she'd wanted, and the very thing she'd been moaning would never happen. James Potter was finally leaving her alone. He was cordial and mature, and just plain out of her path. Yet why did that make her feel like a stone dropped on her chest? She didn't want to know.

**~o~o~o~**

"I thought you were going to lay down?" James asked curiously when they finally reached the Gryffindor common room.

"I was," Carina sighed. "But Lily and Alice are going to come back and grill me about what happened, and as much as I want my own bed, I'd rather not talk right now."

"What are you going to do?"

"Not sure," she shrugged. "Maybe lock myself in the Prefect's bathroom."

James studied her pensively for a brief moment before he caught hold of her hand.

"Okay, come on," he led her up the stairs, past the 7th year girls' dormitory.

"James- I can't sleep in the boys' dormitory," Carina insisted tiredly.

"You're not. You're going to sleep in my quarters."

The Heads both had their own personal quarters. While Lily slept in her private room as well, she spent much of her time awake visiting the other 7th years in their room.

"But-"

"It's fine, Carina," James insisted. "I'll be gone to class so you can rest as long as you want. Besides, no one but me has the password- not Lily, not the boys. You can rest in peace."

Carina stopped outside his door, biting her lip in indecision. She really didn't want to put him out of his room. She hated inconveniencing people. "You really don't have to," she said softly.

"Carina," he rolled his eyes exasperatedly. "I'd feel more at ease knowing you're here and safe. I don't want you letting your guard down in the castle when those Slytherins are still around."

_He did have a point there._

He murmured his password, pushing the door open invitingly. The entire room was nothing she'd expect from James. It was tidily made, the whole place a soft cream color with light translucent curtains on the windows. He had his own fireplace, and he'd decorated the area with chairs, a small sofa, and a coffee table. The tabletop was littered with open textbooks and notes, contradicting his infamous reputation for not studying or working. The massive four-poster bed at the center of the grand room was neatly made with deep red sheets, darker than blood itself.

"I know what you're thinking," he smirked as he caught her looking at the bed.

"What?" She choked at his observance.

"It's not red for Gryffindor colors," he gestured to the bed. "The Potter family colors are actually red too, but it's a deeper shade than the bright red our house uses."

"Oh," she said, a slight blush creeping up her neck. That _was _what she'd been curious about, but his smirk had filled her head with a wholly different nature of thoughts. _Foolish._

James pulled out his wand, pulling back the thick blankets from the bed so she could easily climb in. Carina toed off her shoes, her fingers drifting over the soft satin sheets. James began switching out books for his next class as she eventually climbed into the bed, cocooning herself into a small ball, sighing at the comfort of the big blanket.

When James finally latched his bag closed, he turned to look at her but burst out laughing at the sight.

"What?" She mumbled from her cocoon.

He walked over to her, still chuckling in amusement. The bed sunk as he leaned over her, his hands resting on the edge.

"You're so small," he observed. "You barely take up a quarter of the bed."

"Not my fault you have a bed that could fit six people," she grumbled, cuddling deeper into the blanket.

He smiled at her, gently reaching over to push some stray hair out of her face. "Sleep as long as you want, don't worry about your classes."

"But-"

"The Professors will know by the end of the day what happened anyway since I took so many points and gave those arseholes detention."

"But-"

"I can have Remus get you your notes for the rest of your classes today, I'm sure he'd be happy to return the favor after 7 years," he assured her, already anticipating her protests.

"Thank you..." She watched him seriously.

"If you wake up with any pain, or can't get to sleep," he said, reaching into the drawers beside his bed to pull out a vial. "Just take the pain potion, I can easily get more."

"Thank you." Her eyes glimmered from a sheen of tears both from her earlier exhaustion, all the emotional baggage catching up to her, and her gratefulness that she had someone right now being so attentive to her needs.

"Anytime, love," James smiled gently before his face morphed into something more stern. "Now, you let me know if you need anything, okay? _Anything_ at all."

"I will."

For the first time, James truly believed she would. And for the first time, Carina actually meant it.


	7. She Had a Life

**Hehehe you guys are in for a wild ride this chapter *satisfied smirk*  
I would be so genuinely shocked if any of you saw this coming.  
~ Mischief Managed**

* * *

**07 | SHE HAD A LIFE**

The next few days, Carina found herself constantly being checked in on by the guys. They never brought up what happened, never confirmed whether James had told them. But she knew. She could tell from the attentive gestures and the regular follow-ups. Thankfully, she never once saw pity in their eyes. She wouldn't stand for it if she had- she was not about to be their charity case.

Lily and Alice never caught on to what happened- mostly because Carina recovered so quickly after James put her to bed that day.

The next few days, they settled into a slightly awkward but mostly hilarious endeavor of navigating their fake relationship. More often than not, James would come to find Carina while she was with Lily and Alice and end up spending time with Lily as well. Carina could tell Lily had been notably tense the first few days, but as time went on, she grew more and more accustomed to James out of habit alone. Slowly, Lily would grace him with a friendly smile as he approached them or would ask him about his day without the usual exasperation in her tone. Moments like that made James come alive- it was all he'd talk about when he reported back to the boys.

Most of the time James would come to find them out of nowhere, Carina would leave halfway through to go tutor one of the underclassmen. Initially, it was unintentional, and James even tried to leave when Carina had to go. But Alice, being the perfect unknowing ally she was, eventually started convincing James to hang around even after Carina needed to leave. This was purely selfish on her part- she merely wanted the chance to pick his brains and determine whether he truly was being good to their friend. But that ultimately gave James more time with Lily, which had been the whole point of their facade anyway.

It was just another ordinary day when the lot of them were sitting for lunch at the Great Hall. Carina was scribbling away on her parchment, wisps of her hair escaping the confines of the loose French braid she fashioned. Remus and Peter were being regaled by Sirius's tale of how he'd talked Moaning Myrtle into scaring away one of his fangirls. And to the surprise of the whole group, James and Lily were conversing amicably about their head duties.

It was a new habit of theirs, but ever since Carina and James had started "seeing each other," Lily made more of an effort to look beyond past grievances and sit with them, so Carina didn't feel like she had to choose.

"Carina," James called to her, trying to get her attention.

The girl didn't seem to hear and continued writing away furiously.

"Little star," James tried in a sing-song voice, though her namesake was hardly little.

He'd gotten the attention of the others at the table, yet Carina remained oblivious. He leaned over, childishly tugging on one of the wisps of hair that'd escaped their confines.

"What?" Carina looked up, startled, her hair falling into her open mouth.

Everyone chuckled at the disheveled sight of her, and she rolled her eyes at them, finally pushing back her hair.

"We were wondering if you wanted to be on the committee to set up the Ball this year," Lily spoke up. "James and I both agree that you'd be a great leader for the others."

Carina quirked an eyebrow in amusement. She couldn't remember the last time- if ever- Lily said 'James and I.'

"That's sweet of you two, but I can't," she groaned, stretching her neck left and right. "I have to run a study session for the fifth years' potions O.W.L.'s."

"You're always tutoring," James said with childish displeasure. "Why?"

"I might want to be a professor after I get my mastery," Carina shrugged. "It's a good experience working with kids and knowing how to teach."

"Well, the Equinox Ball is only a week away," Lily sighed.

"If I may offer my services," Sirius cleared his throat dramatically.

"No, you may not," Lily glared at him jokingly. "I can't have you distracting all my volunteers with your wily smiles, Sirius Black."

"Who me?" Sirius's eyes widened innocently.

James broke out laughing, and Lily soon joined in. Carina smiled to herself before returning to her papers. She wanted to be ecstatic that they were getting along so well. The plan was going even better than they could've hoped. James might even have a shot of going to the ball with Lily if he really tried. Yet she couldn't help feel a little hollow, but she couldn't place why.

Lily, on the other hand, was surprised how brilliantly she got along with Potter when he wasn't an absolute toe-rag. According to Carina, he was never quite that bad- or at least he hadn't been in years. Now that they were actually cordial and communicating, they were getting more done in this one month than they had the entire year together. The Equinox Ball gave her an excellent excuse to talk to him, but she'd wager she was getting too accustomed to his company.

James was really great at making people laugh and putting them at ease.

Lily couldn't place why it took her so long to see that first hand. Perhaps it was because she'd been so guarded after their confrontation caused her and Snape to cut ties. She'd seen that unfortunate outcome as much James's responsibility as Severus's.

But she had to admit it: Carina was right. James had matured since then. But it wasn't like he needed her forgiveness or approval or anything- he was long over her and head over heels into Carina. Anyone could see it. Even his feelings for Carina were more mature than the childish crush he'd sported for her. He was watchful, responsive, and considerate. He was still playful, nonetheless- but nothing like the outlandish, showy gestures he'd use on her. She should be happy Carina was able to get this matured side of James... she really should.

Yet why couldn't she?

Lily shook her errant thoughts out of her head, a sense of guilt filling her for the mere suggestion they shouldn't be happy together.

Carina sighed loudly, drawing all their heads back to her.

"I think I'm going to go to the library," she thought aloud. "I need a change of scenery."

"I'll walk you-"

All four Marauders froze, half out of their seats as they looked at each other sheepishly.

"We can all walk her!" Sirius suggested cheerfully, much like a small child.

"Guys," Carina laughed at them. "I can walk there myself- honestly."

"What about planning?" Lily asked hesitantly. If the others were going to accompany Carina, surely James could stay behind?

"We can continue another time, we're already pretty prepared as is," James waved off, climbing out of his seat.

Carina rolled her eyes, knowing better than to try and talk them out of it. They'd been escorting her around the castle for the last week, even though there had been no more encounters with any of the Slytherins from that day.

As she made her way up the staircase, she looked back at the four men trailing after her like puppies.

"Honestly, you guys, you don't need to keep doing this. I haven't run into the Slytherins since last week, and I doubt they'd try something again. They're already in too much trouble."

"Perhaps we just like your company, love." Sirius murmured in a honeyed voice as he flashed her a grin.

"Hey, get your own love!" James joked.

Carina, Peter, and Remus looked at him curiously, but that only made Sirius bark out in laughter. It was just the five of them- there was really no need to keep up the farce right now.

"You never know, maybe I'll steal her away when you finally get your precious 'Lily-petal.'" Sirius prodded. "After all, Sirius and Carina? We're literally written in the stars!"

Peter and Remus chuckled at Sirius's dramatics. He and James were similar in that. Carina couldn't help but notice James didn't laugh. In fact, his brows furrowed slightly in consternation, like he'd forgotten about that eventuality.

They'd almost made it to the library when they ran into him. The person who started this in the first place. James spotted him first, immediately pulling Carina to a halt.

"Malfoy," James growled, walk ahead to protectively place himself beside her.

She could feel the others come up beside her as well, each of them tensed up.

"Looks like you can't go anywhere anymore without your herd of mutts," Lucius looked to Carina.

She merely watched him in stubborn silence; she had nothing left to say to him.

"And here I thought you didn't let others fight your battles," he murmured to himself.

"I don't," she bit out, the anger from their earlier encounter filling her rather quickly.

"Prove it," he mocked, scoffing. "You can't even face me without them at your back."

"She doesn't need to do anything," James spit at him. "I thought I told you to keep away from her!"

"Not that I need to listen to a blood traitor such as yourself, Potter, but I have business with her."

"She has nothing to say to you," he glowered, stepping forward threateningly.

"Oh, really?" Lucius smirked in amusement. "She's had _plenty_ to say before."

Lucius eyed Carina up and down in a practiced manner. James, noticing the familiarity in his gaze, immediately stiffened.

"Oh shut up, Malfoy," Carina snapped, finally losing her cool. "We have _nothing_ left to talk about."

"What happened to Lucius?" He quirked an eyebrow, his voice deep and smooth in a seductive tone she hadn't heard in ages.

James turned to glance at her. "Carina, what?" The confusion was evident in his voice, his eyes filled with a now cautious dread.

"Oh, you haven't told him?" Lucius asked gleefully. "First, your parents, now me. Really Angel, are you honestly even invested in him, or are you just toying with him?"

Carina stiffened, sighing as she closed her eyes. Now he'd done it. She was hoping to avoid this moment indefinitely. She'd certainly left it behind her and had no intention of looking back. Yet Malfoy seemed bent on picking her apart in front of James thread by thread.

"What is he saying, Carina?" James turned to her fully now, coming to stand in front of her. His stern voice contrasted the pleading look in his eyes.

"Honestly, Potter-" Lucius taunted in his usual silky drawl.

"Stuff it, Malfoy, before I _make _you," James spit out harshly, his eyes blazing at the man. "I asked Carina, not you."

"I... I..."

"You _what?_" James's voice turned harder the longer Carina struggled to gather her words.

Carina sighed, taking a deep breath before looking up at him. "We used to be together."

James inhaled sharply, his nostrils flaring as he stared at her blankly.

"He's a blood supremacist," James seethed through clenched teeth.

"It was a long time ago, he wasn't like this back then," Carina said quietly.

"When?"

Carina glanced at her feet, feeling the stares of Sirius, Remus, and Peter on her. "Fifth year."

"But you're a half-blood." James's face scrunched up in confusion.

Malfoy let out an uncharacteristically inelegant laugh. "Would you look at that, even Potter being one of the self-proclaimed good guys can only think of your blood."

"I swear to Merlin," James clenched his fists, swinging around to tear into Malfoy.

Carina caught hold of his arm as he started to stride over to the blonde man. James tensed under grip but didn't shake her off.

"You bastard," he seethed. "I don't give one whit about her blood, but I know you'd go as far as to murder her for it."

"James, leave it," Carina begged. "We ended things long ago, and with good reason."

"Your blood not being one of them," Lucius pointed out bluntly.

"I would never have followed your path. You knew that" Carina glared daggers at him.

"You can pretend you're too good for my path, Angel," he sneered. "But that certainly doesn't change our past."

"And that's exactly where it will stay. The past." Carina bit out.

"How the bloody hell did you ever think being with him would be a good idea?" James turned on her, his incredulity seeping through.

"I told you he was a different person back then!" Carina defended hoarsely.

"Oh, and you certainly felt no qualms in giving yourself to me back then," Lucius recalled smugly.

James paled, his eyes begging Carina to deny it.

"How does it feel, Potter?" Malfoy boasted. "Knowing your witch never had her firsts with you?"

"You slept with him?" James asked her in a deadly calm voice.

Carina stayed silent, but she couldn't look away from his betrayed gaze. She couldn't tell him the answer he wanted to hear.

"Alright, that's enough," Sirius intervened in a hard tone. He glanced back and forth between Carina and James, sensing the tension between them. Malfoy was only fueling their fire. "Malfoy, just leave."

He quirked an eyebrow in disinterest before taking one last look at the pair standing toe to toe. He supposed he'd done enough damage for now. With a light, amused huff, he walked towards the far staircase.

"Oh, and Potter?" He couldn't help but call back mockingly. "It's rather a shame you don't know yet, but your Angel is a hellion in the sack."

James glimpsed up towards the staircase, but Malfoy had already disappeared. Carina turned bright red, avoiding looking at anything at the moment. _Damn Lucius Malfoy._ James could feel the anger and the betrayal boiling, flexing his fists. The mere thought of that man with his hands on Carina- their Carina- _his _Carina-

"Fuck!" He swung his fist into the nearest wall, a sickening crunch sounding the air as his hand gave way to the centuries-old stone of the castle.

He heard a sharp gasp, but he leaned his head against the cold stone wall, forcing himself to take slow, calming breaths.

"Mate..." Sirius said hesitantly.

"How could you?" He spoke in a low, controlled tone before turning to her, the disgust evident in both his expression and voice. "How could you let him put his hands on you?"

Carina sighed wearily. "I told you he was a different person back then. I ended things as soon as he began talking about the blood supremacy and Death Eaters indulgently."

"But _Malfoy?_ Really Carina?" James asked, the disappointment as clear as day.

"I don't know what you want me to say," she threw her hands up. "Yes, Malfoy. It happened- granted a long time ago. And it's been over for a while."

He shook his head at her. "Maybe you're not who I really thought you were."

Carina stiffened at the callous words, the vitriol in his eyes setting fire to her budding hopes from the past week. Remus, Sirius, and Peter stared between the two of them warily.

"How dare you," she finally spoke, straightening up with her head held high. "It's not like you had any shortage of female companions over the years- don't bother denying it. I've had _one_. And I was in a relationship with him at the time. I've told you he was different back then, and I ended things as soon as our beliefs fell out of line."

"He's been a prat this entire time, there's no excusing that," James argued. "Whether he was a Death Eater when you were with him or not, he's always been a bloody git."

"So were you!" Carina cried out in frustration. "You think fifth year you was a walk in the park? You were just as bad as he was! Stringing Snape up by the ankles whenever you ran into him, bullying underclassmen."

"How _dare_ you compare me to him!" James gritted his teeth, pure fire in his eyes as he rushed towards her until they were nose to nose.

"How dare _you_ try to make me feel like less of a person because I had my own life!" Carina fought back. "You know you lot are not my only friends. In fact, until recently, you didn't trust me any more than you did anyone else at this school! Even then, it wasn't by choice!"

"Guys," Remus broke in hesitantly. "Take a breather, we can work this out."

"Oh come on Moony, you can't be okay with this." James laughed hysterically.

Remus looked between them uncomfortably before shrugging in a small gesture. "We all have a past, and I know who Carina is today. I don't have any right to judge her for her mistakes; Merlin knows I have plenty of my own."

Carina deflated a little at Remus's reassurance. Looking at Peter's concerned- albeit slightly frustrated- gaze, she knew she had nothing to worry about with him. Sirius, much like Remus, seemed more concerned about James and Carina blowing up at each other than any past history with Malfoy.

James stared at his friends' lack of support blankly before scoffing in disbelief. He turned, heading the opposite direction without a word.

"James!" Sirius called after him.

Carina scoffed. "Should've known better," she mumbled to herself.

She, too, walked away, heading back to Gryffindor Tower while ignoring the concerned voices behind her.

* * *

**So the idea of Carina and Lucius came to me as a fleeting idea when I wrote their first interaction while enjoying a bottle of wine. At the time, I wrote it off as dazed nonsense, but when I returned to it, it made sense. Carina is meant to be this neutral and likable figure to everyone- even Slytherins. That's what makes her so different in this tumultuous period. It was the perfect way to deepen her character: adding a little grey to her seemingly perfect record. And I have long term plans for this element going forward!**

**So did anyone see it coming? Because literally even I blindsided myself with that pairing lol**

**~ adharyn**


	8. Crossroads

**Dear Readers, **

**Thanks for all your lovely comments and reviews, they've been a blast to read! I know I initially started this story as a light Hogwarts romance, but it's going to be a long complex story going beyond their school years. I know it feels like it's moving fast, and it is. But don't worry, it's all for a purpose. I appreciate your candidness, it helps me keep on track. **

**Happy reading :) **

**~ adharyn**

* * *

**08 | CROSSROADS**

Carina stormed upstairs, angry tears blurring her vision the entire way. The fact that part of her felt completely heartbroken only angered her further.

_Maybe you're not who I thought you were. _James's words kept ringing in her ears until she could think of little else.

_How dare he? She'd done everything for them! Never said no, never pushed for the truth. She's been a rock for them, steadfast and loyal. Dependable. So what if she'd been with Lucius Malfoy? What if she'd slept with him? It wasn't like the Marauders were fighting for her company in their fifth year- they were busy with their own adventures! _

She pushed into the Gryffindor common room, counting her blessings that is was empty. Hopefully, the dorm would be too. She was just about to push her way into the 7th year girl's bedroom when she heard hushed but urgent voices whispering furiously.

"What am I supposed to do?" Lily asked in a rare voice of panic.

"Calm down," Alice soothed. "It can't be that bad."

"Not that bad? Bloody hell Alice, I actually felt sad when he left the table to go after Carina. How am I supposed to take that?"

Carina froze on the other side of the door. _Was she talking about James? _

"Are you sure you weren't just annoyed?" Alice asked dubiously.

"No, I was downright sad," Lily said fearfully. "And I shouldn't be. This was exactly what I've wanted for years..." she trailed off uncertainly.

"You've got to be careful, Lily," Alice warned cautiously. "If you're saying what I think you're saying..."

Lily gulped, staring at her friend wide-eyed. "I don't _want_ to be," she whispered helplessly.

"But you are," Alice nodded. "You're jealous."

Lily didn't answer, looking down at her feet instead.

"Are you sure you're not just jealous about his shift in attention?" Alice tried. "I mean you've got to be absolutely sure, especially now that he's trying to date Carina. It's not worth you ruining something real they have for the sake of finally giving him a chance because you simply miss his courting."

"I know," she mumbled helplessly. "But isn't jealousy supposed to be anger? I just feel sad," Lily whispered. "Like I missed something significant."

"Bloody hell..." Alice whispered, realizing Lily was telling the truth.

"What do I do?" Lily pleaded with vulnerable eyes.

"What caused this _now_? You couldn't even stand him a few weeks ago!"

"Carina was right," Lily groaned. "He _has_ matured- he's sweet, funny, and _attentive_! And he's been there the entire time."

Alice watched Lily in sinking curiosity as the witch thought of James with a dazed look on her face.

"I mean, yeah, he's still showy, but he's just trying to get everyone to laugh. And he _does_ care, he's rather detail-oriented."

"You've got it bad, Lils," Alice grimaced.

"That's what I'm afraid of," she whispered.

"Do you want to tell him?"

"Should I?" she asked helplessly.

"If you tell him, you need to be at the point where you're ready to enter a serious relationship with him. Otherwise, you'll be breaking up James and Carina for a passing fancy."

"I know," Lily groaned. "If my telling him would even break them up," she scoffed. "They seem like the perfect couple. He's finally matured for her."

"They have something real, Lily," Alice said sadly. "Are you sure it would be worth it?"

Lily froze. "Oh... she'd hate me," she groaned.

"I doubt Carina could hate anyone, much less you," Alice snorted. "But she won't stand in the way if you confess. She deserves her happy ending too, you know."

There was a long silence as Carina strained to hear what was happening beyond the door.

"You're right," Lily finally whispered despondently. "I'll drop it- it's my own fault for being so hardheaded. Carina saw his worth long before I did- he deserves someone like that."

Carina's stomach churned as she stumbled away from the door. Lily certainly wouldn't feel like she deserved James if she found out about her past with Lucius Malfoy. Despite the overconfident, suave boy he'd been when they were together, Lucius's transformation in their sixth year had been nothing short of drastic. In the time since, he'd called Lily a mudblood at least two dozen times in passing alone.

Besides, now that Lily had realized her feelings- or at least the emotions that could quickly bloom if given the opportunity- surely the point of their whole charade was over? James could take Lily to the ball.

_Of course,_ she thought dryly with a pang of sadness. At this point, she was more scared of losing all her friends than she was of this facade of theirs coming to light.

Now that he had Lily, he had no reason to bother with her. She'd never seen James Potter so intensely angry in her life. James Potter didn't _get_ angry. He was brash, impulsive, cocky. He got annoyed, he got testy, he could be triggered into lashing out. But he was never intensely and deeply angry. It was never in his nature.

Yet that's what she'd glimpsed in the depth of his eyes- the distrust, the betrayal, the rage. All cold and entirely unforgiving.

_'She could always not tell him what she overheard,'_ the passing thought came to Carina. _'If only for a little while. After all, he was so angry now that he actually might cut her off if he got Lily at the end of the day.' _

Carina shook her head, a small smile gracing her lips that never quite reached her eyes.

_She knew what she had to do._

**~o~O~o~**

"James, you need to calm down," Remus said in an even tone.

James had stalked down to the lake while Carina had run for the stairs. He hadn't stopped pacing for the last fifteen minutes, not saying a single word. His face was set in a grim coldness they'd never quite seen from James. He was too impulsive to be this impassive.

"I'm perfectly calm, Moony," he sighed as he stopped to peer out at the lake.

"Right," Sirius snorted.

"How are you lot okay with this?" James whirled around, his eyes flashing dangerously. "Sirius, you hate the Slytherins even more than I do!"

Sirius sighed, his hands finding his hair nervously. "I do..."

"But?" James raised an eyebrow expectantly.

"I trust Carina. If she said it's in the past, it must be."

James rolled his eyes, returning to his incessant pacing.

"Why are you so bothered?" Peter asked curiously. "So she'd been with Malfoy back in the day. So what? It's not like you two are actually dating."

James froze once again, his back to his friends. He'd been asking himself the same question ever since he stormed off. Why did he even care?

"Mate," Sirius prodded in concern. "It's still fake, isn't it?"

Remus watched his friend knowingly as he forced himself to turn around.

"Of course it is," he insisted. "But that doesn't mean I can't be worried. Carina's alone now- do you know easy it is for them to target her? _Especially_ if she was involved with one of them?"

"James, you're more than concerned- you're mad." Remus pointed out frankly.

"I'm mad she ever even put herself in that situation!" He burst out breathlessly.

"Like we haven't made enemies of them?" Peter snorted.

"But we have each other-" James argued.

"And Carina has us." Remus shrugged, unconcerned.

James growled in frustration, swinging around to pace some more.

"You know the problem?" He muttered out loud. "She's too bloody trusting for her own good. She'd probably give Lord fucking Voldemort a second chance if she could!"

Sirius rolled his eyes, fed up with watching James walk around like a mad man. He smoothly stepped into his path, forcing him to a stop as he looked up at them, nostrils flaring at the thoughts racing in his mind.

"That's one of the best parts about her," Sirius said frankly. "Remember when I sent Snape to the Shrieking Shack?"

The others nodded darkly, remember that stain on their history. They'd never come so close to things going so horribly wrong.

"Well, she didn't even know what I'd done, but you lot weren't talking to me so she could tell something was wrong. You know what she said to me? That if I knew I'd done something wrong, the best way forward was to truly make up for it. It would never be exactly enough, but she said if we didn't even try, the whole world would be blind with revenge."

"Smart girl," Remus smiled.

"Can we please stop pretending it's the same? These are Death Eaters! Carina could be in real danger."

"And we'll protect her," Remus said again. "But why does it make you so mad?"

"I- she-" James opened and closed his mouth, struggling to articulate his thoughts. "She deserved better! Better than that slimy git. And to think- she thinks I'd have been just as bad," James scoffed angrily.

Ah.

So they'd gotten to the heart of it.

"Mate, she was talking about you in the fifth year," Remus pointed out. "Even you have to admit, you had your head up your arse a bit back then."

"But I wasn't _cruel_," he pleaded intensely. "Was I?"

Peter shook his head but then shrugged. "But according to her, neither was Malfoy back then."

"If you hadn't started this whole fake dating thing with her," Remus asked, observing his reaction. "How would you have taken the news?"

James shrugged, shuffling his feet. "I suppose I'd have been speechless. Shocked, if anything."

"So, what's making you mad now?" Remus prodded relentlessly. James resolutely stayed silent. "Did Malfoy's baiting get to you? Does it bother you that Carina was with someone other than us back then- someone other than you? That she truly did have her firsts with Malfoy of all people?"

"YES!" He shouted, glaring at the unsurprised werewolf.

His three friends stared at him, surprised by the frank outburst.

"But why?" Sirius asked softly. "You're not really with her."

"I- I don't know," James sighed, pinching his temple in frustration.

"Do you even still want Lily?" Remus asked without judgment.

"Of course I do," James said wearily. "Lily's always been _it_."

"So if Carina came up to you right now and told you Lily returned your feelings, you would go on as planned and break up with her?"Remus raised an eyebrow.

"Yes."

Remus and Sirius exchanged a glance. Despite all the signs indicating otherwise, they could not hear nor see a hint of a lie in James's response.

"You know you need to apologize to her, right mate?" Sirius told him, surprised he was the more levelheaded one for once.

"I know," he groaned. "Seems like I'm always apologizing to her."


	9. Gryffindor Chivalry

**09 | GRYFFINDOR CHIVALRY**

Carina spent an hour hiding out in the Astronomy Tower. The sun was getting low over the mountains, throwing a canvas of colors through the Scottish landscape. When she was up there, the gentle breeze and serenity could almost make her forget everything she was worried about. But every now and then, she would look down at the lake and see the object of her troubles. James had been sitting out alone by the lake the entire time she'd been up in the tower.

She sighed, convincing herself to go face him before their awkwardness carried over to dinner- she didn't want the others learning about her past right now.

When she approached him, he didn't seem to notice, staring off to the surface of the water with a pensive expression.

She stood just behind him before she cleared her throat.

James's head tilted to the side, yet he didn't look back at her.

"Carina," he murmured. "Have a seat, we have a lot to talk about."

She didn't like the resolved tone of his voice. It seemed too resolved- like she was another thing he had to settle before moving on.

"I don't think we do, actually," she said in a quiet but steady voice.

He looked back up at her this time. His piercing gaze made her look out onto the lake, not wanting to see the disappointment grow in them again.

"I just came over here to let you know that our arrangement is no longer necessary. Lily returns your feelings, or at least she's beginning to. You should ask her to the ball. I don't think she'd say no." There was no way she could keep that information from James. He'd genuinely never forgive her if she did, and she didn't think she could forgive herself for it either.

James's eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"Either way, it seems pointless to continue on as we have." She finished, a bitter note entering her tone. "Especially if you don't think you even know who I really am."

When he said nothing, she turned around, not wanting to linger any longer.

Seeing Carina's blank expression and stiff posture had initially thrown James off. He'd expected her to be furious. He expected yelling, fuming, maybe even some hitting. But her resolved silence only made him feel guiltier. He was clearly in the wrong- he knew that. He'd been dazed by her initial reaction. But when she turned around, fully intending to leave, the motion slapped him into action.

"Wait," he called, striding up to her briskly to catch her wrist.

Her fingers twitched, and she turned back to look at him, confused. "Yes?"

"What do you mean Lily returns my feelings? It's only been a few weeks!" He sputtered, completely baffled.

"Well, I heard her talking to Alice about it," she shrugged. "She's still conflicted, but she's definitely unhappy seeing us together. You should just talk to her- she won't be as forgiving if we keep playing this out even now that she's conflicted. It's cruel."

Carina twisted her arm out of his grasp as he rolled her words through his mind, turning to walk away again.

"No." His fingers closed around her wrist again in a steely grip.

"What do you mean, no?" She turned around frustrated now.

"I- I promised I'd take you to the ball no matter what happened with Lily." His voice quieted uncertainly.

Carina's gaze hardened. "I don't need a pity date, James," she bit out, trying to pull out of his hold, but he wasn't even fazed. "I can easily find someone else if I wanted."

James's eyes flashed dangerously as his grip tightened like a noose. "Clearly."

Carina looked at him in shock before scoffing in his face. She jerked out of his hold, stalking away from the bank of the lake.

"Shit," he muttered lowly. "Carina. Wait! I'm sorry," he scrambled after her, catching hold of her arm once again.

While Carina prided herself on being levelheaded and calm, something in her just snapped when she felt him grab her again.

"No!" She turned around, using her momentum to shove James away, _hard._

He looked at her in shock, never in a million years expecting her to truly strike him. She stared at him, her breaths coming hard now, cursing herself for the frustrated tears that gathered in her eyes. She walked up to him again, pushing against his chest, feeling the urge to knock him off his high horse. He was all hard planes under her palms, and despite her efforts, she only managed to make him shuffle back in imbalance.

"Carina," he pleaded, trying to catch hold of her arms calmingly.

The words landed on hollow ears, and she kept pushing at him.

"How dare you," she accused. "I've done everything for you lot. _Whenever _you needed, _whatever _you needed. And the _one time _I do something you don't like, it's like I killed your familiar!"

James felt the guilt overcome him as he let her land a few of her blows. He deserved it.

"Well, you know what? Go ahead!" She yelled, completely beyond rationality now. "Go ahead- _be _with Lily. That's all you wanted from me this entire time anyway! We leave here in a few months; you won't ever have to see me again!"

_What? Never see her again? _Realization dawned on the young wizard of how deeply he'd hurt her. _Never see her again? Not on his watch- not even over his dead bloody body._

"Carina," he tried to calm her, braving through her violent blows to wrap his arms around her like a python, securing her arms down to her sides so she could no longer hit him.

But that didn't stop her. She flailed her legs, using one of them to kick him in the shin as she fought against his hold. "You let me go right now, James Potter!" Her voice broke, the tears winning their war with her anger.

James hoisted her off the ground- which wasn't at all hard, given his towering height over her small frame. Her feet dangled helplessly a few inches off the ground, her arms pinned by her sides. While he couldn't see her face, he could feel her fuming. He felt his heart crumble as he felt her start to shake, small, restrained sobs escaping her.

"Shhh... I'm so sorry," He murmured, lowering his head to rest on the crown of her head.

His tenderness seemed to demolish some sort of invisible damn because she broke down into shuddering sobs. He walked them back to the secluded cover of the lakeside willow, sitting down on the grass as he arranged Carina between his legs.

"It's okay," he whispered softly, brushing his arms over her arms reassuringly. "I'm not going anywhere."

He held her as she collected herself, piece by piece. His head rested casually on her shoulder, making it less awkward for her to be leaning back against him.

"Sorry," she hiccupped, mortified by her outburst.

"Not at all," James said, too lazy to move his head from its comfortable perch. "I'm the one who's sorry. I have no right to judge you- I never did. And even if I did, your past with Malfoy or whoever else is not something that changes who _you_ are."

Carina tensed, remaining silent. James subconsciously kept trailing his hands over her arms in comfort, helping put her at ease again. Somewhere in the deep recesses of his mind, he realized this position was more intimate that he'd ever offer to another friend. His conversation with the Marauders came ringing back to him, but he pushed it aside carelessly. _This was Carina. She's not just an ordinary friend._

"I _know_ who you are, Carina," he murmured in her ear. "I see you."

His low timbre eased a deep knot of anxiety in Carina, and she felt her eyes close in content as she savored the steadiness of him at her back and the warmth of his arms circling her loosely.

"And I'm so sorry I let you forget that again." James pleaded. "You are family. To all of us. None of this disappearing after graduation nonsense. Do you know how much of a mess we'd be without you?"

Carina laughed softly.

"Really!" He insisted. "Remus would be all moody and angry around the full moons without your chocolate and cheering up. Peter would be mad at us for the rest of eternity for scaring you away. And Merlin knows Sirius would get into some deep dragon dung within a month without you to ask for advice."

She smiled, staring out at the lake, shrugging lightly.

"Me too, you know. Every time something good or exciting would happen, I would feel this hollow aching because I wouldn't be able to share it with you." He said softly, affectionately bumping his head against hers.

Carina smiled, feeling her heart fill again. So quickly she'd gone from fearing she'd end up entirely alone in the world after Hogwarts to feeling so wholly supported.

"And I'm still taking you to the ball," James insisted stubbornly.

Carina stiffened, the reminder of Lily bringing her hurtling back to earth.

"James, you should really ask Lily. I'm almost positive she'd say yes. It's what you want anyway," Carina said, attempting to shuffle away to put some space between them. As good as it felt, it was far too intimate to brush under the rug. They were alone- they had no one to put on a show for.

But James tightened his arms around her. He sighed, surprised he didn't quite care whether Lily would say yes to going with him. How could he? He'd been so close to losing Carina all together and driving her out of all their lives for good. How in the world could he care about going to the ball with someone who'd been so dismissive of his feelings for years in the face of that?

"I don't want to go with Lily," he said honestly.

"What?" Carina froze.

"This is our last ball," James said contemplatively. "Even if Lily thinks she finally returns my feelings, who knows if she truly does. I want to go to the ball with you and spend time with the friends I know I'll be keeping in my life well into the future. I don't even know whether Lily and I would keep in touch."

Carina could hardly believe what she was hearing. If someone told her James would turn down the chance to take Lily to the ball a month ago, she would've laughed in their face.

"Besides," James said lightly, breaking out of his serious tone. "If she hasn't had the courage to tell me her feelings herself and fight for me, then they're hardly strong enough to be worth ditching my best friend for."

Carina laughed, and she found she had to agree. "Good for you," she told him. "You deserve someone who'll fight for you."

James nodded against her shoulder, burrowing a little closer to her neck as he did so. "I do," he agreed, hyperaware of the witch in his arms.

Lily had always been a regal beauty- almost fairy-like and otherworldly with her willowy and tall figure and fiery red hair. She came up to his chin, matching his height quite evenly even though he was a rather tall man. He'd always found that so attractive. Yet his mind wandered back to Carina, the rather petite witch with the expressiveness of a druid- caring and nurturing and truly, genuinely good. Her crystal blue eyes and dark hair were a subtle allure, different from the striking impression Lily left. Yet as he told himself Lily was still the love of his life, he couldn't help but think how Carina fit so perfectly against him. He'd always thought he'd fear crushing her, but as tiny as she was, she was one of the strongest witches he knew.


	10. Balls & Blurred Lines

**10 | BALLS & BLURRED LINES**

James sat in the buzzing Gryffindor common room, merely staring at the flickering fire as the people around him greeted each other in excitement. He hadn't worn dress robes since last year's ball, and even then, he'd been drowning a bit in the abundance of fabric. He'd definitely grown into adulthood this year, his shoulders filling out his shirt and his chest actually snug in the vest he'd worn. Instead of the traditional wizard robes that went down to his bloody knees, he opted for a more stylish fitted version he'd found with Sirius. His white button-down was accented well by his teal blue tie and charcoal vest. The whole ensemble was finished with a much shorter suit jacket that he was told was inspired by muggle fashion. He absentmindedly played with his silver pocket watch, which had been a gift from his father.

He wasn't nervous. Nor did he for a second regret insisting on taking Carina to the ball. It had been almost a week since his misunderstanding with Carina. And while she'd gone back to her usual supportive self after that tense day, James had a nagging feeling that she had walls up he couldn't even see. Even the boys thought she seemed fine, but something about it bugged him. How could she be fine? He'd put her through quite a lot.

In the week since, he'd taken the time to watch Lily too. He supposed he'd noticed a slight shift with the witch he'd pined after for seven years; she finally treated him with the same cordiality and friendliness she did everyone else. But he hadn't detected any signs that her feelings ran deeper than that.

"Alright, mate?" Sirius asked, plopping down next to him.

"Hmmm..." James responded absentmindedly.

"So last night, Lily ended up asking if Remus would go to the ball with her- you know as friends," Sirius mentioned.

"Did she?" He asked, finally looking at his friend.

"I see it as a win," Sirius shrugged. "You can steal her away for a dance whenever you want, and Remus won't even be offended."

"What about Carina?" James's eyebrows furrowed.

"What about her?"

"I'm her date!"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Yes, your fake girlfriend, who is more your wing-woman tonight than your date. If she was right about Lily's change of heart, then tonight is your chance to win her over."

"I know," James said in resolve. "But I want to make sure Carina has a good night- I have a lot to make up to her."

"Mate, we'll all make sure Carina has a good time. You're her friend, not her keeper. Besides, she's doing this whole thing to help you get Lily. It'd be a waste of her night if you didn't move ahead with your plans."

"I suppose..."

Remus walked over to them, patting them both on the shoulder. "They're headed down, get up!"

James and Sirius got to their feet, joining Remus and Peter as they waited for their dates to ascend.

"Pete, did you ask anyone?" Sirius asked curiously.

"Glenda Chittock," he responded happily. "Carina actually spent a week teaching me how to charm paper birds to fly so I could impress her with them."

"Isn't she a Hufflepuff?" James quirked an eyebrow.

"Yeah, we decided to meet downstairs." Peter shrugged.

"You, Sirius?" Remus asked.

"Marlene," he grinned wolfishly. "Though the witch made me work a lot harder for a yes than I'd expected if you know what I mean."

Remus rolled his eyes, and James shoved him playfully. "You dog!"

"That I am," Sirius said smugly.

They were goofing around when the ladies made it down the stairwell. Lily was the first one in sight, and James caught the flow of her gown from the corner of his eyes. He stared at her with foolishly wide eyes. Her gown was a brilliant emerald, satin number that hugged and flowed around her curves like water. Her beautiful long hair was braided loosely and hung over her right shoulder. Her eyes caught his, and a small satisfied smile graced her lips at his stunned expression before she turned her attention to Remus.

"Lily, you look stunning," Remus told her, pulling her into a hug.

"Thank you." She smiled, her gaze drifting back to James hopefully before flying away again.

Alice skipped down the stairs next, waving to them before heading straight into her sweetheart's arms. Frank caught her with an exuberant laugh, planting a firm kiss on her lips. James smiled at the sight. That was what he wanted.

Marlene had already found her way to Sirius's side, playfully dodging his hold as she told him to 'keep his paws to himself.'

"Do you guys know where Carina is?" James asked the girls.

"She'd just run into the room when the rest of us were already dressed," Marlene chuckled. "I expect she'll be a few minutes."

"Huh..." James thought.

"She had a tutoring session," Lily said, walking up to him as Frank struck up a conversation with Remus. "Poor thing stayed late for a first-year who was afraid of failing their exam."

"Typical," James grinned. "You look beautiful, by the way."

"Oh, thank you," Lily blushed, ducking her head shyly.

_Huh,_ James thought. _That was new. Lily was never shy- not with him._

"Can I count on a dance from you?" Lily asked boldly. "Y-you know since McGonagall insists the Heads lead once of the waltzes."

"Of course," James grinned charmingly. "I look forward to..."

His words disappeared on the tip of his tongue as he caught sight of his date, making her way down the staircase. Her heeled feet peeked out from the skirt of flowy layers of sheer ivory fabric, which trailed up to a gorgeous fitted top that was adorned in creamy lace all held up by two thin straps on her shoulders. Her long chocolate hair flowed down to her waist in loose waves, pinned back elegantly by small, dainty pearls. She looked every bit the angel people liked to refer to her as.

Carina caught James's eye, stopping at the bottom of the staircase. She smiled softly, shrugging lightly.

"Excuse me," he mumbled to the witch in front of him, heading straight for his date.

Lily felt herself frown as James brushed past her distractedly. When he'd first started pursuing Carina, she'd been convinced it was a con of some kind. As the weeks went on, Lily at times found herself wishing it was a con. But seeing his eyes glaze over as he took Carina in left little doubt in her mind that his feelings for her friend were completely genuine.

"Hi," Carina said softly.

"Hello," James responded, merely staring and taking all of her in. "You look breathtaking."

Carina's smile faltered for a brief second as her eyes widened, but it was back in a snap. "Why, thank you, you clean up pretty nicely yourself."

"Yeah?" James quirked an eyebrow playfully. "Enough to steal the first and last dance?"

Carina laughed delightfully, all her earlier tension leaving her body. "Well, you _are _kind of my date, so I suppose you'll do."

"My lady," he offered her his hand. She placed it in his, her eyes twinkling in amusement. He bent over it, brushing his lips across her knuckles before tucking her hand into his arm.

When they turned towards their friends, Lily was watching them blankly while Alice smiled in glee. Sirius gave them an approving wink, gesturing subtly to Lily's reaction, and Remus merely rescued the surprised witch by offering her his own arm.

They made their way down to the grand staircase in amicable chatter, James keeping a firm hold of Carina the entire way. When they finally made their entrance, Dumbledore was already announcing the first dance. James pulled her straight onto the dance floor, much to the aching disappointment of Lily. He'd promised her a dance, but he hadn't specified which one.

"I didn't know you were such a dancer," Carina said in amusement as James smoothly drew her into his arms, effortlessly moving them with the circling couples.

"I always loved dancing," he said with an embarrassed chuckle. "I think it's from watching my mum and dad. We live in the ancestral house of the Potters, and the place is huge," he told her excitedly. "But every evening I'd catch them just dancing with each other in a small hidden corner of the place- either in the kitchen or in the tea room. They loved the excuse to hold each other."

"They sound lovely," Carina smiled.

"They are," he grinned proudly. "You'll get to meet them obviously, my mum would love to have you visit the Manor. She'll take just about anyone who can slow Sirius down a bit."

Carina laughed at that. "I've never babysat a grown man before, but I suppose I could give it a go."

"You know you're welcome to stay with me after school ends, you know?" He looked at her inquisitively.

Carina raised an eyebrow in askance.

"I heard you stayed at the castle this summer... you know after your parents..." James mentioned, hastening along as he saw Carina's eyes dim. "I just thought- you know since Sirius already lives with us- perhaps you'd consider spending some time with us? Just so you have some time to get up on your feet after graduation."

Carina smiled at her friend gratefully, squeezing his hand in assurance. "That's really sweet of you, but I already have savings set aside to get my own place. Assuming I get a job out of Hogwarts, I should be fine."

"Well, the offer is still open if you ever need it," James insisted firmly. "And it doesn't change the fact that we'll be seeing you all the time regardless."

"Of course not," she agreed. "I need you guys more than you need me."

James quirked his head, puzzled. _They never did much for Carina- at least nothing compared to what she did for them._ "What in the world do you need us for?"

For a moment, he saw one of her walls drop- a wall he hadn't even known she had. Behind it was a glimpse at the vulnerability along with the touch of loneliness Carina harbored deep inside. But surely that couldn't be right? Carina was one of the most well-connected people at Hogwarts! She was seldom alone.

"You lot are my only remaining family," she shrugged simply, biting her lip nervously, afraid she'd said too much.

"You know the best part about family?" James asked light-heartedly.

"What?"

"No matter the distance, the history, the drama, or time, we always remain family."

"Thank Merlin for that," she mumbled happily.

Carina subconsciously leaned closer in his arms, feeling a warm reassurance at his words. Unfortunately, that moment of peace was short-lived. As the song changed subtly into a foxtrot, Sirius slid up to the pair, tapping on James's shoulder.

"May I cut in?" Sirius asked.

"Why?" James asked, confused.

Sirius's eyes widened in surprise for a moment before he rolled his eyes. "So you can go ask Lily to dance, you idiot!"

"Oh," James realized. He glanced around, seeing Lily perched on a chair as she scanned the room, making sure all the arrangements were right. "Right... she's all yours," James said with a hesitant parting smile as he handed Carina off to Sirius.

Carina watched James walk away, and despite the smile on her face, she felt a pang of dislike. Sirius smoothly swept her back onto the dance floor, every bit as poised and graceful as James had been.

"We don't have to dance," she told Sirius amusedly. "If all you were looking to do was free James up to make his move."

Sirius tightened his hold on Carina marginally. "Oh no, you don't, dove. Who says we can't talk?"

"Oh no," she looked at him warily. "What have you done, or what are you about to do?"

"What makes you think I've done something?" He asked defensively.

"Because you always come to talk to me when you've done something," she watched him knowingly.

"Touché," Sirius acknowledged with a grumble. "But we're here to talk about _you_ right now."

"What about me?" Carina indulged him playfully.

"You and my best friend." He observed her.

"James?" Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "What of it?"

"Are you sure there's nothing beyond this plan you two have going?"

Carina was caught off guard by Sirius's serious question; he was rarely ever so solemn in nature. Intense- sure. But never entirely without the hint of a playful manner. She knew he was going to dissect her every word, so she made sure to answer carefully.

"Yes, I'm rather sure," she said, relieved she managed to keep her voice even. "Why?"

"Why?" Sirius snorted inelegantly. "He threw a fit over you and Malfoy- he even had to get his bloody hand repaired by Pomfrey after! Not to mention, he seems to prefer your company over Lily's these days. And judging by the way you were cozied up by the lake just a week ago, I think it's safe to say there might be more than meets the eye."

Carina gulped. _He'd seen them._

She wasn't prepared for this. She could hardly explain what happened at the lake to herself, much less anyone else- especially the Marauders, who knew the truth of their plan.

"He doesn't _actually_ prefer my company," Carina said nonchalantly. "That's part of the plan. He can't appear as though he's yearning for Lily's company because that defeats him playing hard to get. Besides, it's _working._ The less James appears to care, the more Lily seems to care."

"And the lake?" Sirius prodded relentlessly.

"The lake-" Carina sighed deeply. "I don't know. I was upset, I suppose he was trying to comfort me."

"Hrmm," Sirius hummed, moving closer to her until his head was right next to hers. "I think that's a load of shit."

"Excuse me?" Carina jerked back.

"I'm a lot smarter than I may seem, dove," Sirius smirked. "Even if you were upset, no one offers that kind of intimate comfort to just a friend. And James has never got that jealous over Lily. Besides, I don't think he's faking enjoying your company more. I had to convince the man to ask Lily to dance. The fact that he wasn't galloping away with enthusiasm is all the answer I need."

Carina stared at him, her mouth parted in shock. She glanced away before looking back at his inquisitive gaze.

"I don't know what you want me to say," she admitted with a sigh, closing her eyes dejectedly.

"Do you like him?" Sirius asked gently.

Carina looked up at him for the first time with fear in her eyes. "I can't lose him as a friend, Sirius." She whispered, her voice breaking.

"Why would you?"

"He'd still choose Lily. Nothing good can come of this."

"I don't know about that," he shrugged. "His feelings are evident to everyone- including me, Remus, and Peter. Besides, Remus thinks you'd be quite good for Prongs."

"He'd still choose Lily." She insisted quietly.

"You never know for sure," Sirius told her. "I think Lily's amazing, but if it took her this long to see the man Prongs truly is, then maybe she isn't the one who deserves him."

Carina sighed, looking down at her feet. "I don't know," she whispered, defeated. Across the dance floor, she caught sight of James and Lily. He was twirling her as she laughed joyously, a complete vision of beauty. James was lit up with a bright smile, his eyes focused entirely on the woman in front of him.

"You should go back to Marlene, Sirius," she finally said. "I think I'm going to get a drink."

Before he could protest, Carina slipped out of his hold, her small frame making it easy for her to weave through people on her way to the quieter regions of the tables of food. Perhaps she could hide here for at least half an hour before someone else questioned her about things she simply was not ready to talk about.

**~o~O~o~**

"James," Lily said with a glowing smile as she saw him approach.

"Lily," he murmured in a low, comfortable tone that set butterflied loose in her stomach. "Do you think Remus would mind terribly if I stole you away?"

"I doubt it. I may have convinced him to ask Emmeline Vance to dance," she smirked conspiratorially.

"Emmeline? The Ravenclaw he'd been too scared to ask to the ball?"

"Yepp," Lily replied smugly.

"You're more devious than I thought," James murmured appreciatively. He stood next to her chair, extending a hand out to her. "May I have this dance?"

"I'd love that."

As she slipped her hand into his, her breath hitched as he bent over and brushed his lips across her knuckles. She had to practically stomp down her thundering heart, reminding herself he'd done the same thing to Carina. It must merely be how he was raised. Sirius had done something similar to Marlene- it must be a pureblood thing.

He escorted her to the dance floor, leading her with the ease and grace of a practiced dancer. When she looked up at him and saw nothing but gentle happiness in his gaze, she couldn't help but feel bad for the numerous curses and abuses she'd screamed his way whenever he tried to get her attention these past few years. It all felt a bit childish and trivial now that she thought about it.

"I'm sorry!" She burst out of nowhere.

"What?" James looked shell-shocked.

"I- I wanted to apologize," Lily slowed down, her eyes lowering from his inquisitive gaze. "I know I've been rather rude to you over the years. You deserved it at first! But... even I can see I'd been unfairly judging you for at least the better part of a year."

James smirked at her. "Finally realize that, did you?"

Lily bristled in his hold. "Well... yes! I mean if you're not going to accept my apology then-"

James laughed in amusement, dipping her spontaneously, halting her tirade before it started. "You're forgiven, Lily," he said gently as he pulled her up to his chest. "You'd been forgiven long ago, even before you'd asked for it."

"I am?" She asked quietly. "That easily?"

James shrugged. "I won't lie, it did hurt sometimes even though I tried not to let it get to me. I truly, genuinely liked you since the third year," he watched her intently. "But fighting with you was also the most fun I'd had during our time together, so I won't entirely hold it against you." He winked at her.

Lily watched in blank silence for a moment before she confessed something in a whisper.

"Sorry, what was that?" James raised an eyebrow.

"I liked fighting with you too," Lily admitted, meeting his eyes this time. She gulped nervously, not knowing whether she was about to do something incredibly brave or incredibly stupid. "In fact, I rather miss it."

James's look of surprise morphed into a mischievous grin. "Let's make a pact, shall we?"

"What kind of pact?" Lily asked suspiciously.

"I'll keep teasing you, and you can keep getting all fired up at me-"

"I do not get fired up!"

"Yes, that's perfect," James nodded encouragingly. "Just like that. And we can just continue our fights since we both enjoyed them so much."

Lily couldn't help but laugh at his carefree enthusiasm. "You are ridiculous, James Potter."

"Yes, but you like that too," he smirked, twirling her abruptly and drawing a genuine laugh from her.

He watched her in wonder, feeling as though he was in a surreal experience. Lily was here, dancing with him. Lily had finally admitted she enjoyed their interactions and missed them. Perhaps Carina was right; maybe Lily truly did return his feelings. He'd never thought he'd use flirtatious banter on Lily Evans and that she'd actually reciprocate. But here they were.

**~o~O~o~**

Carina swept her finger along the rim of her drinking goblet, staring up at the ceiling charmed today to look like a starry night. The simple beauty of it always helped her calm herself. But the peace was short-lived as she felt someone come up beside her seconds before a familiar smooth voice disrupted her thoughts.

"Hiding?"

"Not at all," she turned a hard glare on Lucius. She'd just about had it with him, whether they shared a secret past or not.

"Dance with me," he murmured, not really even asking.

"I'd rather no-"

Disregarding her protests, Lucius caught hold of her spare hand, leading her towards the dance floor. Carina barely managed to place her drink onto a nearby table before Lucius had swept her into his arms.

"It's been a while since we danced," he said, a touch of fondness skirting around the edges of his gaze.

Carina watched him in stubborn silence, not at all in the mood for his crap.

They danced in silence for a few moments, the two of them moving perfectly in sync, like two people who knew their way around each other and coordinated with their eyes. Lucius finally sighed, looking at her with an open honesty she hadn't seen in years.

"I've been betrothed to Narcissa Black."

Carina raised an eyebrow without concern. "I suppose congratulations are in order," she shrugged.

Lucius's icy blue eyes flashed with annoyance, and she felt his hands on her tighten for a brief second. Carina wasn't entirely surprised at the news; she always knew he'd get set up with one pureblood witch or another. She wondered whether Sirius knew his cousin was about to get married to Lucius Malfoy.

"It doesn't have to be this way," he implored her.

"Of course it doesn't," she told him. "_You're_ the one who feels constrained to centuries of archaic traditions and values."

"There's still time," he pleaded, the emotion seeping into his voice. "Please reconsider."

"If you're asking me to align myself with the people who killed my parents, you can forget it."

"You're missing the bigger picture," he bit out. "Who do you think is going to win this upcoming war? If you're on the losing side, I won't be able to protect you as a married man."

"I'm not asking you to," she said in annoyance. "Besides, even if I wasn't on the right side, have you forgotten that I'm still a half-blood?"

He watched her for a moment before carefully replying. "You know that's never mattered to me."

Carina's expression fell blank; she should be scoffing in his face, yet she knew how much it must've cost him to admit that. Especially now.

"That doesn't mean anything," she rolled her eyes finally. "I won't be a mistress."

"I would never ask that of you," he swore solemnly. "I..." Lucius grappled with his words, a rarity for the wizard who always wore a calm facade. "I can't fight for someone who goes against the Dark Lord _and_ my family's so-called 'archaic' expectations. But if you were on our side, I would fight. For _you_."

Carina stared at him in uncertainty. There was no way he was serious, was he?

"Besides," he continued. "Your father's line is one of the purest in European lineages."

Carina frowned, immediately stiffening in his hold.

"That's certainly a lovely picture you're painted in your mind, but you forget _my_ values," Carina said firmly. "_Muggleborns_ are my friends, and even if your lot hadn't murdered my parents, I'd stand by my friends."

"But-"

"We're done talking."

She tried to pull away from him, but his hold on her tightened painfully.

"You're making a mistake," he warned, his eyes speaking of both longing and danger all at once.

Before Carina could feel the outrage and impatience swell, Remus smoothly interrupted them.

"Is everything alright?" He asked, watching Malfoy with hawk-like eyes.

"Fine," Lucius shrugged, finally releasing Carina.

"Carina?" Remus turned to her.

But instead of answering, Carina merely led him away, heading for the exit.

"Carina," Remus yelled out after her. "You're not leaving already, are you?"

"Oh... um. No, I just want some fresh air. I'll be back in shortly," she waved off.

"Let me come with you," he offered, watching her in concern.

"No," she burst out suddenly. "Go enjoy your night, Remus. I just need a moment alone."

"You sure?" His eyes made it clear he didn't believe her.

"I promise," she smiled weakly, thankful when he nodded acceptingly. "Oh, and Remus? Please don't tell the others about that. I really don't want to have to keep explaining this over and over."

He watched her for a moment before nodding again. He walked away, leaving her to stride out towards the courtyard. The only reason he agreed so readily was that he'd already eavesdropped on the conversation, and he knew despite Malfoy's being an arsehole, they had nothing to worry about when it came to Carina. He felt bad for listening in for a split second, but then again, he wasn't a marauder for no reason.

Carina found herself wandering aimlessly, her mind racing through what just happened. On the one hand, she was glad. While there had been a familiarity with Lucius, she was too opposed to his beliefs to ever see him as the boy she'd known. She still didn't regret being with him. She recalled every memory from their year secretly together with a fondness. He was her first love. It didn't get bad until the very end- and that was when she knew she had to get out. But she refused to corrupt her memories with her first love; in her mind, the Lucius she'd been with and the Malfoy who walked around today were for all intents and purposes two different people.

Her absentminded steps eventually led her to a corridor off to the side of the courtyard. She took a seat on one of the low open window sills, taking a moment to collect herself. A short burst of laughter escaped her when she realized where she'd ended up.

This was where James had asked her to be his fake girlfriend.

He was probably back inside with Lily- dancing the night away. Maybe she'd even be short a fake boyfriend by the end of the night. He and Lily certainly seemed to be hitting it off the way he swept her across the dance floor. As unexpected as this whole scheme had been, James's 'fake' attentions had been surprisingly comforting. She'd realized with a pang that she'd miss it when they no longer had a reason to fake it.

Remembering Sirius's assumption that she'd be the last person to do something idiotic like fall for James, she couldn't help but think now how wrong that was. If anything, because they were already so close, his roles as a comforting friend and something more blended into each other seamlessly until she didn't know where one ended and the other began.

Would they just go back to casual conversations every now and then? He never needed her like the others need her. She could be nurturing to Remus during the full moon because he needed the care- whether he wanted to admit it or not. She could help Peter find his way out of his shell. She could give Sirius reliable advice when he asked for it. It's what she was good at, it's what she enjoyed. Being there for people was simply her way of showing she cared. But James never needed her. Not like the others. At least not until now.

Carina shook her head with a dry scoff internally. _Nope. At this rate, he wouldn't even need her for that anymore._

"There you are," the object of her thoughts called out in relief. "I'd been looking for you everywhere! Remus said you'd wandered out here."

"James," Carina turned to him in surprise. _Where was Lily?_

"Why are you out here alone?"

Carina shrugged, shivering slightly from the brisk Scottish winds sweeping through the mountains. "I just wanted a moment. Why are _you_ here? Where's Lily?"

"I happened to be looking for my disappeared date," James said pointedly. "And I don't know. We danced a few times, and then I noticed you were gone, so I went looking for you."

"You left her?" Carina cried incredulously. "You idiot!"

James quirked an eyebrow in amusement, walking up to her and taking a seat beside her. "I mean, I've finally found my date, so I think I did something right."

Carina rolled her eyes. _He really was too attentive for his own good. _When she shivered once again, James took shrugged off his coat, draping it around Carina's shoulders.

"You don't have to-" she began to take the coat off, but his hands rested over her shoulders, stopping the motion.

"It has a warming charm on it," he told her.

"Thank you," she murmured, snuggling deeper into the smooth fabric. "So how'd it go with Lily?"

"Good," James chuckled, almost as if he were still surprised by the news. "I think you may be right about her returning my feelings."

"Good..." Carina murmured, looking out onto the grounds. She found herself unable to hold his gaze.

"You know, you promised me the last dance." James held his hand out of her, tilting his head to the music drifting out from the Great Hall.

Carina glanced at his hand before shaking her head regretfully. "You should go find Lily."

His small smile faltered at her words. Did she not want his company anymore? Was Sirius right? Was she only here with him so he could make his move on Lily without it being suspicious? Did she think this was a waste of her night? The insecurities flew right out of his mind as he remembered this was Carina. She was probably trying to make sure he didn't miss the chance she thought he wanted with Lily.

"I want the dance I was promised," he merely said again in a somber tone, not a hint of joke or obligation in his expression.

Wordlessly slipping her hand into his, she allowed him to pull her to her feet. Instead of the elegant dance from before, he took the chance to pull her close and tuck her against his chest. She held herself stiffly at first until his warmth and stability lulled her into relaxing.

"You're so small," he mumbled into her hair in amusement.

Carina shrugged. "Being small has its advantages."

"Makes me want to protect you," he mumbled unintentionally, not even noticing what he just admitted.

Carina's heart raced, but the rational side of her tried to force the breaks on her hammering pulse. That could have completely been meant platonically! She needed to stop reading into things!

"Get in line," she forced out with a practiced chuckle. "All my male friends are protective of me."

James stilled, bringing their trance-like swaying to a halt. He pulled back to look at her, studying her with a clash of wills playing out in his gaze.

"I'm not entirely sure it's like that anymore," he admitted.

Carina gulped, almost afraid to ask the question on the tip of her tongue. "W-what do you mean?"

His eyes probed hers inquisitively. "I _know_ I'm not the only one who feels this," he whispered, his hand rising to brush the shell of her ear before settling along the side of her neck.

Carina's eyes fluttered closed as she instinctively leaned into his touch.

"You love Lily," she argued weakly.

"I do," he admitted. "Loving Lily was all I'd ever known."

Carina felt her heart plummet.

"But, loving Lily had always been one-sided. It was never quite real..." He thought aloud, finally admitted that truth to himself. He snaked an arm around Carina's waist, pulling her flush against him. "But _this... _this has always felt real- even if we never knew exactly what it was."

Carina gazed up at him as he leaned down towards her, his face a breath away from hers.

"We shouldn't cross that line," she whispered weakly. _She'd never be able to go back if they did._

"Tell me you don't want me," he insisted, looking at her intently.

She couldn't tear her eyes away from his hazel gaze, unable to lie to him. "I can't."

Eyes darkening in satisfaction, James closed the remaining distance between them, catching her lips in a tender, longing kiss. Her hands swept into his hair, messing up the soft locks like he usually did himself. He pulled her up to her toes, holding the length of her molded to his torso, drawing a soft moan from Carina. He gently parted her lips, drawing from her in needy, drugging pulls. An edge of heat snuck in as he nipped her lower lip, soothing it over with his tongue. She drew back from him breathlessly, both of them resting their foreheads together with their eyes closed, merely breathing each other in.

This felt perfect. Like a part of them that neither knew lay dormant was finally brought to life again.

* * *

**Thoughts?**  
**~adharyn**


	11. Confessions & Heartbreak

**11 | CONFESSIONS & HEARTBREAK **

Carina kept her eyes closed as James rested his forehead against hers, savoring the moment like one tries to clench onto a handful of sand in hopes that it stays. Somewhere behind them, a small gasp drew their attention.

Carina spun around as James looked over her shoulder.

"Lily?"

Down the corridor from them stood the redhead they both knew and loved. She seemed frozen in place, her mouth dropped in surprise. Yet, Carina didn't miss the shine of her teary eyes in the moonlight- even with the distance.

Pulling herself together, Lily gruffly cleared her throat. "Sorry, guys, don't mind me," she said in a squeaky voice, rushing away.

Carina watched her friend leave with a sinking sensation. The impending knowledge settling like a suffocating cloak- like knowing all bubbles eventually pop, and water flows downstream to its final destination. She'd been swept away by the magic of the night, but she knew at that moment that Lily felt deeply for James. She hadn't been jealous or appeared angry. She'd been heartbroken.

"Go after her," Carina told James softly, not meeting his eyes.

James was still staring after Lily, completely befuddled.

"You sure?" He asked her.

Carina nodded wearily, biting down on her lip nervously.

"I think you just got your answer about whether Lily truly cares or whether it was just the attention," she whispered.

James glanced down at Carina before glancing down the corridor where Lily ran off, completely conflicted. "I'll just go check on her," James promised. "I'll be back."

Carina nodded silently, watching as James went jogging down the corridor in search of his first love. Somehow she feared that was a promise he wouldn't be able to keep.

**~o~O~o~**

"Lily!"

Lily froze in her tracks, feeling a tremor move through her body at the sound of his voice. Merlin, she hadn't even realized how much she missed seeing his smirking face at breakfast as he declared to the entire school his feelings.

She knew she'd never be able to outrun him, and doing so would only make her retreat more suspicious. She'd been so close to making it to Gryffindor Tower. Swiftly swiping at her tears, she turned just as he came jogging up to her.

"James? Is something wrong?" She feigned innocence.

"You tell me," he studied her shrewdly. "Why'd you rush out of there?"

"I didn't mean to intrude on your moment with Carina," she blushed. "I just figured you'd want some privacy.

His eyes softened on her in a heart-wrenchingly endearing way. "That doesn't explain the tears, Lily-petal," he said lightly as he brought up a finger to pick up one of the stray droplets on her face.

She froze. "It's cold."

"Lily," James sighed, exasperated. "I've been honest with you every step of the way, I think I deserve a real answer. Or at least a better excuse."

"I'm sorry," she winced, looking down at the floor as she felt the tears flooding her eyes again.

"Lily," James drew up her face gently. "I just need the truth."

"The truth?" She asked quietly. "The truth is I'm far too late."

"For what?" James gulped in disbelief, hardly believing the emotion he was seeing from her- the feeling directed at him.

"Too late in realizing my feelings? Too late in really seeing you? I don't even know anymore," she muttered, turning to walk away.

His hand shot out immediately to catch her arm in an unbending grip. "How exactly do you feel?" He asked tensely, his heart practically beating out of his chest.

"It doesn't matter," she insisted, trying to draw her arm away. "You're with Carina, and you two are great together."

James looked conflicted for a moment before sighing deeply as he brushed his fingers through his hair. "Lily... look, I've loved you for years. That doesn't just go away overnight."

Her eyes widened in surprise.

"I just need the truth," he asked again. "That's all I'm asking of you."

She looked at him hopefully for a fleeting moment before she glanced away regretfully, all her logic and guilt kicking in. She could never do that to Carina- though the damage she'd already likely done was irreparable. Her lips pulled into a forced and sad smile as she shook her head.

"It doesn't matter," she insisted quietly, pulling her arm away from James.

She left him standing in the middle of the corridor, staring after her with his heart in his throat.

**~o~O~o~**

Carina had waited out in the corridor for almost 20 minutes.

Until she realized she felt slightly foolish waiting out there in the cold with only James's coat. She wandered back into the sparsely occupied ballroom filled with lazily swaying couples, not seeing James nor any of the marauders. Unsurprisingly, Lily was nowhere in sight as well. She glimpsed Alice and Frank in each other's arms, their eyes closed as they danced to the music, and she didn't want to interrupt their night.

She figured something happened, and maybe James was caught up in telling the marauders, so she decided she'd go up to his room to return his jacket and make sure everything was okay. Yet as she ascended the steps to the tower, she couldn't help but feel the light happiness from before closing in on her until there was just an impending sense of dread.

She made her way through the common room, climbing the steps all the way up to James's private room. But hushed whispers from the seventh year boys' dorm made her pause in her tracks.

"I don't understand- she confessed, or she didn't?" She heard Sirius ask in confusion.

"She didn't technically," James sighed in exasperation. "But she might as well have! It was clear as day she finally returns my feelings."

"So... that's a good thing, isn't it?" Remus asked. "You guys did it, this crazy plan actually worked.

There was a moment of tense silence before she heard Sirius gasp dramatically.

"Oh no, what did you do?"

"Nothing!" James insisted. "It's just... Carina and I have gotten a lot closer these past few weeks."

"And you love her?" Sirius asked knowingly, a shit-eating grin on his face.

"NO!" James panicked.

_Ouch. It's not like she loved him like that either, but he makes it sound like it could never be a possibility. _

"I adore Carina," James admitted. "But it's only been a few weeks. I've loved Lily for years."

"So, what's the problem?" Remus asked calmly. "You said yourself just a week ago that if Lily confessed her feelings, you would end things right away to be with her."

Carina glanced down at her feet, biting down on her lip. _She knew as much, she did! She'd told Sirius the same thing earlier this very evening. So why did it hurt so much? _

"Well... we may have kissed tonight, for a brief moment..."

"You and Lily?" Remus asked in surprise.

"No." Sirius watched his mate knowingly. "Carina."

"Are you saying you've changed your mind? Because that's totally fine," Remus told him. "Carina's great, and you two are good for each other."

"I don't know," James mumbled defeatedly. "I was happy with Carina earlier tonight! It felt soothing and reassuring. I told her I wanted to protect her- which I do! But with Lily... it felt like my heart was about to beat out of my bloody chest! She's always been so passionate in everything- in her beliefs, in getting angry at me, and even in trying to contain her feelings. She's just..." He sighed deeply as his ramble came to a close. "Lily, you know?"

_Of course, James and Lily. They were... inevitable._

Carina sighed internally. James was infatuated with Lily in a way he just wasn't with her. Lily made his heart beat out of his chest as he did to Carina. But Carina just didn't have that effect on him. She knew better than to try and fight a battle where she was outmatched- after all, it was a losing battle, to begin with. They were only ever fake dating. She'd rather bow out now and ensure she keeps her friends than gambling everything on a possibility that was unlikely of coming to pass. He deserved better. So did she.

Not to mention, she was petrified of losing this makeshift family. She wouldn't. And especially not over a boy.

Mustering her Gryffindor bravery, she knocked on the door, halting the whispers coming from within the room. She pushed her way in, peeking her head through the door with a well-practiced smile.

"Hi, I thought I might find you here!"

"Carina," James blanched, flying to his feet. "I'm so sorry, I was supposed to meet you back downstairs."

"It's fine," she waved off quickly. "I got caught up with Alice and Frank, and I'd figured you lot were together when I didn't see any of you in the ballroom. Anyway, I just wanted to return your jacket." She laid the garment over the back of a nearby chair, smoothing out the wrinkles absentmindedly.

"Thanks..." James mumbled.

"How'd things go with Lily?" Carina asked nonchalantly, a boost of positivity in her voice, even though she felt like her heart was being pricked over and over again.

"I don't know," James hedged. "She didn't really say much..."

"Really?" Carina feigned. "I thought you saw the tears before she ran off? I'm telling you, James, that girl definitely returns your feelings by now. I know her. Not to mention, she admitted it a week ago as I'd _already_ told you."

"Right..." James mumbled sheepishly. "You might be right about that."

"So? When are you going to tell her the truth?"

Remus and Sirius's heads snapped to her alertly.

"The truth...?"

"That it was all fake, silly. If you don't tell her now, she'll be furious, and I'd prefer not to lose my best friend over this, thank you." Carina pointed out primly.

"You want to tell her this was fake?" James asked dumbly.

"Well, it was, wasn't it?" Carina shrugged.

James and Remus looked at a loss while Sirius watched her thoughtfully.

"What about your kiss?" Sirius asked her bluntly.

Carina and James froze.

She sighed, rubbing the back of her neck sheepishly. "Honestly, I'd just left the Great Hall after a dance with Malfoy. I was a bit emotional at the moment."

When James and Sirius looked at her disbelievingly, she insisted, "Ask Remus, he's was the one who helped me get out of there!"

"It's true," Remus acknowledged, though overhearing their conversation, he didn't know why it would have anything to do with Carina and James.

"Honestly, James Potter, if you waste this favor without even getting the girl in the end, I'm going to be pissed at you!" Carina planted her hands on her hips. "This is the perfect time to come clean!"

"Are you sure?" James asked cautiously, studying her in uncertainty.

"Of course, I'm sure you dolt." She grinned. "Just make sure Lily doesn't get mad at me."

James stared blankly before breaking into a dazzling grin. He rushed towards her, picking her off her feet and swinging her around in a whoop. "Oh, thank you! I can't believe this plan actually worked! I thought it would take a miracle to get Lily to change her mind."

Carina laughed, pulling back from him as smoothly as she could without being suspicious. "I'm sure she's had those feelings there all this time," she insisted. "She was probably too stubborn to admit them."

She feigned exhaustion quickly after that, finding the easiest excuse to get out of there. She walked back to her room, head held high, and the heels of her shoes resonating in the empty wooden stairwell. Sneaking into her room, she closed the door quietly, resting her head against it with a sigh.

All the beds seemed to be empty, to her luck. Carina climbed into her own bed, not bothering to do anything but slip off her shoes. She drew the curtains around her bed, sealing them closed with a charm and putting a silencing spell on them. When her head finally hit the pillow, she found that the tears she'd been expecting just didn't come. No great waterworks.

Yet she lay there, despite knowing she just saved her future with her friends, feeling achingly empty and numb.

When James left to go back to his own room, Remus and Sirius immediately turned to each other.

"There's no way," they both said simultaneously.

"Her conversation with Malfoy wouldn't have made her _kiss_ James if she didn't mean it," Remus insisted.

"She definitely feels something for him, she practically admitted as much when I danced with her," Sirius confirmed.

"So? What about James? Do we tell him?"

They both looked at each other with bated breaths before Sirius groaned.

"No- I don't think that'll change anything. James has always been blinded when it comes to Lily. I think Carina knew exactly what she was doing with that whole scene here." Sirius admitted. "I'm not confident that knowing would change James' mind, and I don't want to put Carina through that."

"I suppose you're right," Remus said sadly.

**~o~O~o~**

The next morning was one of those rare days when Carina slept in. Unfortunately, she didn't have the foresight to determine what a truly horrible decision that was. It was the Sunday after a school ball. When Carina finally slipped into the Great Hall at 10 am, the entire room was packed with everyone who'd also slept in but woken up for brunch.

The abnormally buzzing conversations for the typically lazy mornings after a ball came to a stuttering halt as Carina walked in.

She paused, looking around uneasily.

The entire school watched in concern as she looked around, her eyes finally finding the source of their anticipation. Right next to the Gryffindor table, which was luckily by the wall this term, stood Hogwarts' most talked about not-couple. James and Lily appeared to be in a tense discussion, with James sporting a pleading and disheveled look while Lily hugged her body in caution.

Carina wished she could turn around and walk right back out of the room.

Alas, it was too late. Everyone had already seen her, and leaving now would send the signal that she was hurt. She approached the Gryffindor table quietly, hoping by some miracle she could slip into a seat near the end of her table where her younger students that she tutored sat. To her dismay, Lily caught sight of her, her head swiveling to the approaching girl.

"Carina!" She cried. "Tell me this isn't true!"

She saw Alice staring between Lily and herself wearily. The marauders were also seated at the table, all of them looking unsurprised but Peter. She supposed no one had updated him on last night's happenings.

Carina sighed, walking up to the pair slowly. "I'm sorry, Lily. I'm afraid I can't."

"So you really fake dated James Potter to make me jealous?" She yelled in disbelief, her voice resonating through the hall.

All remaining conversations halted as everyone's heads swiveled to the standing trio. Carina winced, feeling the prickle of everyone's eyes on her. Even the Slytherins, who liked to remain aloof and disinterested, were watching in surprise. The collective gasp through the crowd was palpable.

Carina sighed. Great, now everyone _really_ knew.

"Lily," James pleaded in an uncommonly severe voice. "We didn't do it to hurt you. She was just helping me out after I begged her to."

"You, shut it," she snapped at James. "How could _you_ do this?" Lily searched Carina's eyes desperately. "I thought you were my best friend, but even you lied to me?"

"I _am_ your best friend," Carina bristled, feeling frustrated that she made it seem like she'd betrayed Lily. "And I did it to help you see what was right in front of you this entire time! I'm sorry we had to lie to you, but I'm not sorry we did it. It worked, didn't it?" She watched her friend knowingly.

Lily froze, glancing around at everyone's staring faces.

"That's not the point," she mumbled quietly.

"Of course, it's the point!" Carina exclaimed, giving in to her frustration entirely. "I've known you for 7 years, Lily Evans, and you're even more stubborn than James! As determined as he was to get you to give him a chance, you were _even more_ determined to write him off. We didn't even do anything beyond our normal interactions other than tell you we were together and hold hands!"

"What about that kiss?" Lily pointed out.

Carina groaned internally. The entire school was watching them avidly, in disbelief that this was happening. Even the professors stayed silent, not even bothering to disrupt the scene.

"We saw you coming," Carina lied easily. "Look, that's not the point here. The _point _is that James has liked you for years, and he was scared we'd all graduate before you ever gave him a chance. You know he never stops talking about you? If anything, this whole mess finally made you realize who he really is and not the bumbling fool he turns into when he's trying to get your attention," Carina shrugged unapologetically, earning a few chuckles from the students as James protested indignantly.

"We wouldn't have continued it for long if we hadn't seen that you were interested in him," Carina assured her. "We just needed you to be honest about your feelings."

"Really?" Lily whispered, studying her friend cautiously.

"_Really_."

Lily turned to James, sniffling a little as she looked up at him through her lashes. "You really like me that much?"

James smiled at her in relief, the happiness in his eyes, practically making him glow. "Yes, I always have."

Lily exhaled, a small sound of amusement and joy escaping her as she stepped closer to him and wrapped her arms around him in a hug, tucking herself into his chest. James froze, as did the rest of the Great Hall.

"Does that mean you forgive me? You'll finally give us a go?"

Lily pulled back, looking up at him with a teasing shrug. "I guess I should, given the lengths you went through to make it happen."

"You _guess_?" James cried indignantly with a bark of laugher. He hauled her off the floor, her chest flush with hers as she squealed in surprise. "You crazy witch," he declared affectionately before finally sealing his lips over hers.

There was a moment of silence before the entire hall erupted in whistles and cheers.

"You finally got the girl, Potter," a seventh year Ravenclaw teased from their table, barking in laughter.

"They're so adorable," whispered a Hufflepuff next to Carina.

"I always knew he wouldn't have gotten over her so easily," her friend whispered back.

The cheers and whispers became a buzz in Carina's ears. She found her mouth pulling into a practiced grin, feeling the muscles in her face as if she no longer had control of them. With everyone's focus on the new couple, Carina took the chance to retreat. She even made sure to wave hello and smile at some of her friends as she walked out of the room, playing up her part.

Her feet led her out to the lake, her mind no longer cognizant of her surroundings. Luckily with everyone still inside, the grounds were virtually deserted. She plopped down by the lake, staring out at the lake as she felt the blood rushing in her ears. It was finally over. Done. It still felt surreal. She could only focus on her breaths, drawing in one after another steadily as she tried to calm her thundering heart.

"Hi," a soft voice interrupted her as a petite form came to sit beside her.

"Alice," Carina said in surprise. "What are you doing out here?"

"Comforting a friend." She looked out over the lake as Carina stared at her in surprise.

"I'm not sure I know what you mean," Carina insisted with a forced chuckle.

"You can drop the act," Alice told her knowingly as she turned to look at her friend. "I know you'll never admit it, and you don't have to. But you also don't need to keep putting up those smiles around me. They must get tiring."

Carina opened her mouth, only to close it. She did so several times over.

"How did you know?" She finally asked.

"I know you, Carina," the witch rolled her eyes. Carina might seem like an open book, but her masks came so naturally to her that even her closest friends might miss them if they didn't look closely enough. But she _knew_\- because no one could've faked those moments she'd witnessed with James and Carina. Those moments where he'd brush aside her hair, or those lingering gazes when one didn't think the other was looking- precious moments meant only for themselves. "Lily might not see it because she's too close to the situation- perhaps she doesn't _want_ to see it. You make it rather easy to believe."

"You won't say anything?" Carina insisted.

"Of course not," she assured. "You all made your choices- James, most of all. It's not my place to interfere. I just didn't want you to feel like you had to keep up your mask all the time."

Carina opened and closed her mouth a few more times, beginning to resemble a fish until Alice finally did her the favor of pushing it closed with a finger under her chin.

"I love you," Carina told her gratefully, bumping her on the shoulder.

"Yeah yeah," Alice bumped her back.

**~o~O~o~**

***throws out the chapter like a grenade and ducks for cover expecting all the outrage in the comments/reviews***

**Don't worry, though, this story is just getting started. We're in for a hell of a ride, so strap in for the long haul.**

**Yours Truly,**  
**adharyn**


	12. Licking Her Wounds

**12: LICKING HER WOUNDS**

The next week passed by in a blur for all of them. Carina seemed to go from enjoying her last spring to investing every spare second into her students. Between classes and meals, her friends rarely saw her. She was up the earliest. She'd stop by for a quick bite at meals, and whoever saw her only ever witnessed her warm smiles and usual observant kindness. But she'd leave long before the others were done eating. She'd be the last the enter her classes but the first to slip out. She'd also be the last one back to the dorms- long after the others fell asleep.

In the aftermath of the ball, James and Lily seemed to find any excuse to work on "head duties" together. It was probably for that sole reason they didn't notice Carina's frequent absence. They still fought in public- James' teasing never faded, and Lily learned to take it in stride, giving as good as she got. Alice was initially concerned about Carina having to see them everywhere, but she never seemed to be around enough for it to be an issue.

It was later that week when she knew James and Lily were doing rounds for curfew that Alice decided to sneak into the boys' dormitories.

"Alice," Frank beamed at the sight of her.

"We need to talk," she began without preamble, gaining the frowning attention of Remus, Sirius, Peter, and her very own beau.

"What's wrong?" Frank asked her in concern.

"I know you lot knew about Carina and James, and frankly, I'm concerned." She plowed on, pointedly looking at the marauders.

"You know?" Sirius' mouth fell open in surprise.

"I'm her best friend, of course, I know. Not that Carina would ever admit it aloud..."

"She's definitely stubborn," Remus acknowledged.

"What is going on?" Frank broke in.

"What do you mean you're concerned?" Peter demanded.

"I'm talking about James and Carina actually falling for each other during their little scheme," she filled Frank in indulgently. "I'm concerned because Carina has barely been around all week. I know she's always busy, but I've only ever seen her in a huge crowd these past few days. And I live with the damn woman!"

Frank's jaw dropped in surprise.

"Me too," Remus admitted. "We almost always study together, but she's told me numerous times that she either had a student to tutor or a meeting with Slughorn for one of her projects."

"Do you think it's time for an intervention?" Alice asked.

"Perhaps," Sirius agreed.

"The only problem is she doesn't return until cursed hours of the morning," Alice complained. "I haven't been able to corner her all week."

"We can help with that," Sirius smirked.

_They weren't the marauders for nothing. _

**~o~O~o~**

This might be the most cowardly thing she'd ever done. Carina had never been one to shy away from her problems. Yet, she just didn't feel prepared to face the others and be normal. She knew she would be eventually, probably sooner than later, knowing herself. Just not quite yet.

Most days, it was easy to slip away from the people who knew better than to accept her carefree manner at face value. She tutored. She worked on her potions. She spent more time with Slughorn than she'd ever honestly wanted to.

But the nights were the hard part. She loved Alice, but she never wanted to risk running into Lily hanging out in their room- at least not yet. So most of her nights the past week were spent on the Astronomy Tower. She'd never seen the stars as vividly as she could from these Scottish highlands. It was refreshingly calming to look up and be reminded how small and relatively inconsequential everything was when witnessing starlight reaching from thousands, if not millions of years from the past.

"Beautiful night to be stargazing," a calm and amused voice drifted from the shadows.

Carina whirled around in surprise. "Professor Dumbledore! I- I-"

"Oh no need to worry, my dear. I'm merely here to enjoy the peace for a moment as well."

Carina watched in surprise as the Headmaster strolled over to the railing, jovially studying the sky.

"How has your term been?" He asked her.

"Fine," she squeaked before clearing her throat. "I've been doing more and more for potions and tutoring. I think I might want to be a professor one day."

"You'd make a spectacular Professor," Dumbledore stated with the utmost confidence. "I hear from some of your professors that you have an aptitude for astronomy and arithmancy?"

Carina looked back up, sighing at the map of the heavens laid above her.

"I've always found the stars fascinating," Carina admitted. "But to truly understand their messages, arithmancy was necessary, even though I don't truly like it much."

"Yet you're still top of your class in the subject," Dumbledore smiled.

"I... I wanted to thank you, Professor." Carina spoke up hesitantly. "For allowing me to return to Hogwarts early this past year."

"My dear, Hogwarts will _always_ be open to you. Even long after you grow out of it."

Dumbledore shifted, checking his pocket watch and shutting it with a click.

"I'd best return to my duties. I would recommend returning to the Gryffindor tower," he advised. "It's past your curfew, and the heads are patrolling tonight. We wouldn't want your friends to have to dock points from you."

Carina froze. She couldn't give one whit about the points, but she certainly didn't want to run into James and Lily- _especially_ not together.

"Yes, of course," she agreed, trailing Dumbledore out.

She certainly needed to get out of range of anywhere Lily and James would check for patrols.

**~o~O~o~**

By the next morning, the marauders grew increasingly anxious. They'd searched for Carina on the map, but her footprints where nowhere to be found. That simply wasn't possible- the map covered every inch of Hogwarts.

Alice had returned to her room in hopes of confronting Carina as she returned for the night. But the next morning, a tired Alice shook her head at Sirius, Remus, and Peter from down the breakfast table.

_Carina never came back. _

They waited anxiously, their eyes glancing at the doors of the Great Hall every few minutes. It was Saturday now, and it had officially been a whole week since the ball. Yet they'd heard less than a handful of meaningful sentences from their friend in that period.

James and Lily walked into the hall together. They walked side by side but didn't hold hands. He grinned down at the witch while she merely rolled her eyes at something he said. Thankfully Alice waved Lily over, which left James to slide into a seat next to his mates.

"Where have you been?" Sirius hissed.

"Woah," James replied, surprised. "Why what's wrong? I just saw you at dinner last night."

"Carina's missing," Remus said quietly.

"Not that you'd notice," Peter added bitterly, glaring at him uncharacteristically.

"WHAT? What do you mean missing?" James demanded immediately.

"She's been in and out of sight all week. We see her for a minute or two at meals, and then she's off again," Remus recounted.

"Maybe she's been busy with her students," James groaned good-naturedly. "Merlin knows she was always running off and leaving me for them."

"We haven't seen her since dinner last night," Sirius stressed. "She didn't come back to her dorm, and she wasn't on the map when we checked. She hasn't even shown up to brunch!"

"She has to be on the map," James insisted, his brows furrowing in concern. "If she's not on the map, that means she's not on..."

James tensed, his eyes immediately flying to the Slytherin table.

"You don't think..." Remus gulped nervously.

"I don't know what to think, but I certainly wouldn't put it past them." He spat.

James climbed out of the bench, his eyes staring daggers at the Slytherins.

"What are you doing?" Peter whispered urgently.

"Going to Dumbledore," James said fiercely.

**~o~O~o~**

"I can assure you, Carina is alright. I just saw her myself last night." Dumbledore watched them, perplexed.

"But Professor," Sirius argued. "She isn't anywhere in the castle."

"Carina is most definitely within this castle," Dumbledore said firmly.

"Where?" Peter asked curiously. "We can't find her anywhere."

"Even the castle has its secrets," Dumbledore said patiently. "If you haven't found her, perhaps she does not want to be found. But I can assure you she's safe."

The boys descended the winding phoenix staircase glumly.

James paused, causing the others to turn back questioningly.

"Why would she not want to be found?"

**~o~O~o~**

Carina found herself holed up in the Room of Requirement. It had transformed into her old living room at home. It even smelled like the candles her mother liked to burn- jasmine and ocean. She spent that time carefully recollecting herself. If there was one thing she prided herself on, it was her ability to compartmentalize.

The next time they saw her materialize on the map was early Sunday morning. Sirius had been the one up the earliest, to the infinite surprise of Remus and Peter. He'd been staring at the map for hours, almost as if willing her to show up.

"She's by the lake," he announced, jumping out of bed.

Given no time to react, Remus and Peter rushed after him.

James was in his room, but none of them bothered getting him. They didn't know whether him being there would scare her off again.

"Carina," she heard a familiar voice call breathlessly.

She sighed. She'd only been out for less than an hour- she'd hoped to enjoy the sunrise this morning. Yet, her friends had already found her. The thought filled her with warmth.

She turned, her eyes widening at the sight. Her hand flew to her mouth, but not before an undignified snort escaped her. Standing before her were three marauders in their pajamas, their hair woefully a mess.

"Who dragged you lot out of bed?" She couldn't help but laugh.

"Where have you been?" Sirius asked more sternly than she'd ever heard from him.

She sighed, the amusement fading as she studied them guiltily.

"We were really worried about you," Peter told her.

"I'm sorry," Carina apologized earnestly. "I just needed some time to collect my head."

"Have you?" Remus probed watchfully.

The way they watched her, she could tell they'd seen past her lies as clearly as Alice had.

"I have," Carina shrugged with a small smile.

"Because we can beat some sense into James if you haven't," Sirius insisted.

She laughed again, this time the sound traced with a hint of bitterness. "No... it's not his fault. He was clear about what he wanted from the beginning. I just didn't expect him to blur the lines... _we_ blurred the lines."

"You sure you're alright?" Peter asked softly.

"With friends like you guys, how can I not?"

"What do you want to do going forward?" Remus asked her.

"What do you mean?" She looked at them blankly.

"We could always get James back for you," Sirius suggested seriously. "Pull his own card on him. He'd be jealous within a heartbeat."

"No, he wouldn't," Carina said with certainty.

"He would if it were me," Sirius said with surety.

"Are you offering?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Yes."

He didn't back down as she studied him, perplexed. Carina finally sighed. "While I appreciate the offer, let's not pretend you're not already half in love with Marlene. Who, by the way, would have both our heads for a stunt like this!"

He winced. She certainly had a point. "Remus can do it," Sirius advocated. "Or Peter!"

"Sirius," Carina laughed. "It's alright! I don't need James back, not like this. This is what he's wanted- for _years_! I just want to enjoy the last of our semester with my friends. Please?"

Their eyes all softened on her.

"Of course," they agreed, knowing they'd do anything she asked of them.


	13. Call to Action

**13 | CALL TO ACTION**

Returning to normalcy was a painstaking process. Luckily for Carina, James was almost too distracted with Lily to notice his best friend readjusting. She'd like to believe he still cared about her given the way he'd ambushed her after her solitary weekend in the Room of Requirement. The emotions playing across his face were clear as day- the relief that she was okay, the confusion as to where she'd been, and the frustration that she hadn't let them know.

Nonetheless, it was really very easy to convince him nothing was out of the ordinary. Just a lot of stress with the year ending and needing to finish her projects before graduation, she'd said. He'd lapped up the words she'd offered on a silver platter.

It was all too easy to create the semblance of normalcy.

These days she spent most of her time with Remus. Like her very first year at Hogwarts. Sirius would still come by to annoy her every now and then, and Peter would always be drifting among them. But in all that time, James grew steadily busier and busier with his 'Head Boy duties.' There was so much to do with graduation right around the corner, he'd groaned to them. All the ceremonies and family receptions they needed to plan were endless! Never mind that every hour spent on said duties was another moment with the love of his life.

That was how the day started- a typical day like any other. It was late April, with a mere two months left before their time in the castle ran out. She and Remus were sitting out by the lake studying and enjoying the crisp spring weather.

"So, you're really going to do it?" He asked curiously. "Try and return as a potions professor?"

"I want to," Carina smiled. "What about you? What are your plans after graduation?"

Remus scoffed, a hint of bitterness tinging his voice. "I'll be lucky to get a job with my _condition._"

"Nonsense!" She insisted adamantly. "Remus, you're one of the smartest people in this school. You're meant to do great things."

"If only the world felt that way."

"You'll find something," she insisted. "In fact, I think you should consider teaching. Clearly, Dumbledore has no issues with having you in the castle, and I happen to think you'd make an excellent professor."

"You're being nice," Remus rolled his eyes.

"No, really! I barely scraped by with an O in Defense because of your help! You know how terrible I am at combative magic."

Remus's eyes twinkled in amusement. "You were rather in desperate need of help," he teased.

Carina's smile froze as she narrowed her eyes. She picked up her pouch of quills and ink pots, throwing them at the smiling werewolf. "Ha. Ha. I passed, didn't I?"

"CARINA!" They heard a yell from the direction of the castle.

Running towards them with his hair frazzled and robes unbuttoned and billowing around his legs was none other than Sirius Black.

"Sirius? What's wrong?" She could tell from his panicked face and haphazard look that all was not right with the typically perfectly composed wizard.

He dropped to the grass beside Carina and Remus, panting slightly as a sheepish expression overtook his aristocratic features.

"I might've done something stupid..." he admitted.

Carina would've rolled her eyes at him if he didn't look so sad.

"What happened?"

"I was with Marlene, and you know we were talking and stuff..."

"Sirius," Remus prompted, knowing his friend was stalling in nervousness.

"She asked me what would happen after graduation." Sirius blurted out. "With us."

"And?" Carina shrugged.

"And what? I panicked, of course! I asked her why we needed to bog ourselves down thinking about that- why we couldn't just enjoy the here and now."

"Oh... Sirius..." Carina winced. No girl would've wanted to hear that.

"I know, I know!" He groaned. "She just got up and walked away. Didn't even say a word. Usually, she'll yell at me, you know? Or at least smack my head? She didn't even bother this time."

"What are you scared of?" Carina asked curiously. "Don't you want to stay with her after graduation?"

"I... I just... Whenever I picture my life after graduation, it's always included you lot. That's the only thing in my life I've felt certain of. I don't know whether she'd actually stick around..."

"Do you love her?" Remus asked frankly.

"Merlin, I don't know! She won't put up with my shit like all the other air-heads I've been with, that's for sure." Sirius smiled sheepishly, his mind wandering to the fiery witch. "I can't really imagine her not there, you know? Is that love?"

Carina and Remus shared a find smile. "I don't know," Carina said lightly. "Only you can know that. But it seems like you answered your own question."

"I did?" Sirius asked. His eyes widened in realization. "I did... thanks, love! You're brilliant." He got to his feet, leaning down to drop a quick kiss to her head. He turned to Remus, repeating the gesture, to the absolute shock of the wizard. "You too, Remus."

Sirius rushed off, and Carina couldn't help but laugh at Remus, who still sat with his jaw dropped. His eyes narrowed playfully at her laughter, and he shook his head gruffly. "Crazy..." he muttered with a small smile.

"I have to head out," Remus told her. "Prefect duties!"

He began gathering his stuff, and just as he'd hauled his bag over his shoulder, another voice echoed across the field. They both turned to see Lily headed their way, her vibrant red hair flying in the breeze. Remus glanced down at her, silently asking whether she needed him to stay. Carina shrugged. She'd have to do this at one point or another.

"Good luck," he murmured under his breath.

Remus walked past Lily as she made her way to Carina, stopping briefly to let her know he had to run.

"Hi, you!" Lily greeted, plopping down to the grass next to her friend.

"Hiya," Carina smiled.

"I feel like I haven't seen you in ages!" Lily cried.

"Blame yourself," Carina said with a playful pout. "With all your planning and preparations. The commencement ceremonies better be majestical with all the time you and James are putting into them."

"I suppose we've been generous with our time," Lily admitted, a small smile playing on her lips. "It gives us an excuse to talk and get to know each other more deeply."

Carina smiled, and for the first time in weeks, it no longer felt forced. Seeing Lily's soft happiness made Carina genuinely happy for her friend. "I told you he's a good guy."

"I know," Lily admitted quietly. "I wanted to apologize, actually."

"For what?" Carina startled.

"I don't think I'd realized how much of a prissy witch I was this whole year. And it always put you in the middle- trying to defend James but still be loyal to me! I know I was too brash in judging him, _obviously_. But I don't think I realized how much of a toll it took on you until James forced me to come to terms with it."

"James did that?" Carina's jaw dropped.

"I know," Lily laughed. "Just a few months ago, I would've cursed him to Hogsmeade and back if he tried to tell me I was wrong. But he made a good point."

"I'm just surprised James actually spoke up to you like that," Carina said in amusement.

"I know, right? It was always Lily-pad this, and Evans that," she smiled nostalgically, thinking back to their bantering. "Turns out that courage was good for us in the end. Most of the guys I've been with haven't really called me out on anything."

Unbeknownst to the girls, who continued casually chatting by the lakeside, James Potter had gone in search of his girlfriend. He was surprised to see her by the lake with Carina. He didn't think the three of them had ever actually hung out together even though Carina was so close to both of them separately. With a small grin, he began to approach them, his advance hidden by the large trees sheltering them.

He was near enough to make out their carefree laughs, and he relaxed at the thought of his girlfriend and one of his best friends being so close.

Almost as he made it to the tree line, he heard Lily raise her voice hesitantly.

"Carina...? I wanted to ask you something, actually. I haven't really asked James because I'm honestly a little scared to."

James halted in his tracks. What could she possibly mean? For as immature as their interactions had been for all these years, he and Lily actually worked surprisingly well as a couple. He'd made sure to keep as open as possible about communicating. If there's one thing he learned from Carina, it's that misunderstandings could turn poisonous if left to fester.

"What is it?" Carina asked curiously.

"I know you and James fake dated and everything to try and turn my head," she began unsurely. "And it's probably silly of me to even ask! But... I don't know, it's just... all those weeks you two would spend time with Alice and me, it just seemed like there was something real between you two. Alice was convinced there was!"

Carina stiffened.

James had to strain to hear Carina's response.

"What are you asking, Lily?" She asked softly.

"Did you never fall for him in those weeks? Did he never fall for you?" Lily laughed wryly, breaking the tension. "I can't imagine him not- I mean, you're amazing. _I_ would've fallen for you if I were so inclined!"

Carina gulped, considering her words carefully. Time slowed as Lily watched her friend, bated- terrified of the answer she would give. It was something she couldn't get out of her mind these past weeks. Alice had been so insistent that Carina and James were it right up to their confession about them fake dating. She didn't know what she'd do if Carina admitted they actually had feelings for each other. She didn't think she could, in good conscience, stay with the wizard she'd come to so absolutely adore this term.

James waited, growing more anxious the longer Carina went without responding. Surely there wasn't anything new for her to tell? Carina was the one who'd told him to tell Lily it was all fake! Encouraged him, even. Could there be more to it than she let on?

The silence broke when Carina exhaled with a small smile. "You have nothing to worry about, Lily. James Potter has been in love with you, and only you, for the better part of seven years."

Lily studied her carefully, and while Carina's response gave her some closure, she didn't really answer the question. James felt a small pit of disappointment in his gut, and he couldn't help but wonder why. Sure he and Carina had gotten closer than ever in those few weeks of their faux relationship, but it's not like he fell for her then. Did he? There _was_ that one kiss. But Carina had brushed it aside so easily! She'd told him she was just caught up in her emotions after dancing with Malfoy of all people! It was like a slap in the face to learn she might've been thinking of that evil git while kissing him.

Interrupting the somber silence that'd settled upon them, a magnificent phoenix screeched through the air, warning them of his presence before landing smoothly next to Carina.

"Woah," Carina whispered as the bird gently nudged her shoulder, holding out its leg.

She deftly untied the parchment from the phoenix, skimming over it.

"I'm sorry, Lily, I have to go," she said, rising to her feet. Though she was genuinely grateful for the excuse. "Dumbledore asked me to his office."

"Okay," Lily said quietly. "I'll see you around.

"See you."

As she headed for the castle, the giant bird took flight, swooping straight into the air and back to the tower from which he came. As Carina climbed past the tree line, she startled to a stop when she noticed James merely standing there. How long had he been there?

"Hi," he managed to get out. "Going somewhere? I saw you and Lily from the castle and thought I'd come to join."

Carina relaxed. It didn't seem like he'd heard anything. "I have to run, but I'm sure Lills would love the company. I'll see you later."

"See you..."

But as Carina walked away, James tried to think of how many times he'd actually spent time with her since they'd ended their charade. The few times he did see her, she was usually with Remus. And the handful of times he'd stumbled upon her alone, she always seemed to have an excuse to scurry away. Would he see her soon?

**~o~O~o~**

"Professor Dumbledore," Carina called, poking her head into his office.

"Come in, Miss Lennox," the old wizard invited jovially. "Lemon drops?"

"That's alright, thank you."

She perched on one of the grand chairs in front of the headmaster's table.

"Your friends were rather concerned for you a few weeks ago, Miss Lennox."

"Sorry for the trouble, professor," Carina apologized sheepishly. "I didn't think they'd go to you."

"It's quite alright," he waved off. "I was somewhat surprised to see you and Mr. Potter break up. Or shall I say it was surprising the whole thing was a facade?" His eyes twinkled knowingly.

"Uh... well, it was a bit of a desperate plan James had," she shrugged uncomfortably. "Professor, did something happen?" She prompted.

"Yes, right!" He clapped his hands together. "I'm sure you're aware of the growing war outside the sanctuary of these walls, Miss Lennox?"

"Of course," she said severely.

"Is your commitment to fighting your parents' murders as strong as you indicated this past summer?"

"Stronger," Carina insisted.

"Hmm, good. I'm looking for a strategist. And you, my dear, truly have a rare affinity for arithmancy and astronomy."

Carina raised an eyebrow. "Sir, my focus is on potions. I've spent all year specializing- I have almost five independent projects currently underway with Professor Slughorn!"

"I know," he told her understandingly. "But you have a gift, a truly rare one. Professor Vector hasn't seen a student like you in decades!"

"What are you saying, professor?" Carina gulped.

"I'd like you to join the Order of the Phoenix upon graduation. You remember I explained what the Order was when your parents' death was being investigated?" Carina nodded. "You'd train directly under Alastor Moody."

"The Head Auror?" She exclaimed.

"Yes, and his deputies the Prewett brothers. You might remember them, I believe they were in their last year when you first came to Hogwarts."

"But, professor," Carina stuttered. "I can't be an Auror! I'm abysmal at combative magic!"

"That's alright, you'd be taking a position as a strategist. It's not a combat job. It's an advisory role, and would give you significant leadership in the Order."

"But, sir," Carina spoke weakly. "What about potions?"

Brewing had grown into a cathartic practice for her- especially after her parents' death. She thought she wanted to be a healer and even had the aptitude for it. But after walking in on her parents' corpses, she no longer had the stomach to handle lives only to lose them in front of her very eyes. Being a strategist would land her right in the middle of the war and all the politics and decision-making. She didn't want that. She just wanted to help.

"We already have a handful of skilled potioneers, and you're welcome to keep up your skills with them on the side." Noticing her small frown, Dumbledore leaned forward earnestly.

"Miss Lennox, you have to understand how grave the situation is. Your talents in arithmancy and even astronomy are _rare_\- something we'd be lucky to find once a century! Having your skills could make the difference between victory and failure for the Order. If you truly want to make a difference, _this_ is how."

Carina swallowed the bile rising to her throat. They _were_ on the cusp on a war. She didn't have the luxury of doing what she loved.

"Very well, whatever it takes. You can count on me."

**~o~O~o~**

Carina found herself back on the grounds, contemplating the sudden turn her life had taken. This term was honestly giving her whiplash! First, this whole fiasco with James and Lily. And now all her plans for her future gone up in flames, unable to withstand the pressure of the raging war to come.

"What's got you thinking so hard?" Sirius asked, dropping down beside her on the grass.

"Dumbledore just recruited me for the Order," she told him monotonously.

Sirius inhaled a sharp breath, his head snapping over to look at her. "Merlin, the secret organization we've heard about? I thought it was a myth!"

Carina shook her head.

"Why are you so glum? Don't you want to be in it? I'll definitely try to join after Hogwarts if they'll have me."

"I did..."

"But?"

"But, he recruited me as a strategist."

"Oh... what about your potions?"

Carina shrugged, staring out at the highland landscape. "I guess it has to take a backseat. Apparently, I have a rare gift for arithmancy, though I don't see how it's all that special. He wants me to work with his Aurors."

"What'd you tell him?" Sirius inquired curiously.

"That I'd do it, obviously. This war is coming whether we like it or not. If he thinks I can make a real difference drawing up battle plans and strategy, who am I to refuse? I knew I'd be involved one way or another."

Sirius nodded. He understood- it wasn't ideal, but it was the reality they must live with.

"Maybe we'll get to work together in the future," Sirius chirped enthusiastically. "I'm going to join the Aurors, after all."

"Maybe..." she whispered hopefully. "That would be one saving grace of this whole thing."

"Let's get your mind off it," Sirius said, pulling her to her feet. "Sitting here, stewing isn't going to do you any good."

"And how do you propose I do that?" She asked wryly, letting Sirius tug her away from the lake.

"How we always do it, of course! We're going for a fly!"

~o~

James Potter had been looking for his best mate everywhere, but Sirius was nowhere to be found. He'd tried his dorms, the common room, the kitchens. He even asked Marlene! When he finally pulled out the Marauder's Map, he pin-pointed the wizard's footsteps making their way out to the grounds. Without stopping to look at where exactly Sirius was headed, James sprinted outside. He'd been thinking about Lily and Carina's conversation all morning, and he needed to talk to someone about it- someone who knew the entire story.

As he made his way out to the grounds, he didn't see Sirius, but he did spot two lone people near the Quidditch pitch. They weren't dressed in Quidditch uniform, so he assumed Sirius must've gone for a leisurely fly.

A few paces later, the people on the brooms came into focus, and James stuttered to a halt.

Sirius and Carina were laughing joyously, circling each other in the air and weaving in between the tall stands of the pitch. James knew Carina flew with Sirius every now and then to help him clear his mind after another incident with his brother or a letter from his family. But Sirius hadn't had any contact with his family all year- his little brother included. Their laughter and teasing voices echoed through the wind, reaching James. The sounds only added to the pit of discomfort he'd been feeling since earlier that morning.

Apparently, Carina found time for everyone but him. Or was it the other way around? Would she spend time with him again if he sought her out? Merlin knew he missed talking to her. Things had just been so busy and filled with Lily. Not that it was a bad thing- he'd always wanted this phase where he and Lily could get caught up in each other like they were the only two people who mattered. He certainly didn't feel like his friendship with the marauders was suffering from it. So why did it feel like the closer he became to Lily, the further he got from Carina?

Slowly turning back around, James ambled back to the castle, the sound of Carina's and Sirius's merriment ringing in his ears.


	14. Bittersweet Endings & Beginnings

**14 | BITTERSWEET ENDINGS & BEGINNINGS **

**~ 1 Month Before Graduation**

Life was getting easier and easier for Carina. At least by her standards. While McGonagall recommended she drop her potions projects, she was determined to see them through the end for her own sake. If she gave up now, she was basically admitted she would never go back to potions. Her personal life progressed without any major hiccups as well. Lily would come around the seventh year girls' dorms and talk to Alice and Carina about plans for after graduation. James was an occasional topic of conversation, but Alice tried to limit it for Carina's sake. Even still, it got easier and easier with every passing day.

Her peace wasn't disrupted until one unfortunate day when she'd lost track of time and left the potions lab later than she usually would. By then, the halls of the dungeons were abandoned as most people were at dinner.

She should have known he'd seek her out again. But for some reason, she hadn't bothered to give him much thought the past few months.

She'd barely left the potions lab when she saw a flash of brilliant platinum hair. She had little time to process before the tall figure had her pushed up against the cold stone wall of the corridor.

"What do you want, Lucius?" She asked tiredly.

His hands rested on the wall behind her on either side of her shoulders, making an escape improbable. He stared down at her, his expression severe and contemplative.

"They've set a date," he told her stiffly. "For my wedding."

Carina inhaled deeply. "Congratulations," she told him tonelessly.

Lucius' probing eyes dimmed- possibly in disappointment? "That's it?"

Carina shrugged. "I don't know what to tell you. I hope you'll be happy- I'm sure Narcissa is lovely."

"She's a cold, unfeeling bitch." Lucius bit out.

"The same could be said of you," she retorted hotly.

Lucius sneered in defense, stepping even closer until he was a mere hairbreadth away from her. She stared up at him resolutely, not willing to let him intimidate her. "Well I guess I can't complain. At least I'll be married. Where will you be a year from now? Still, pining after your friend's boyfriend? Really, Carina, it's a bit pathetic of you."

Carina's spine stiffened immediately, and she brought up her arms to shove him back roughly.

"I don't see how it's any of your damn business, Malfoy," she yelled. "We don't have any connection anymore."

Lucius seemed to realize the callousness of his own words as he stepped back willingly, not retaliating again. Instead, his voice dropped to a whisper she could barely hear. "By _your_ choice, not mine."

Carina sighed, taking in the man before her. Sometimes he still reminded her of the boy she dated. Sometimes.

"Lucius, you're not the same man you were when I was with you. You've changed. I've changed! We've chosen our paths long ago. Tell me I'm wrong."

She could see him struggle with himself, but even he was unable to say otherwise. He certainly wouldn't bring dishonor to the Malfoy name by turning blood traitor. And as much as he tried to convince her to join them for her own protection, he knew compromising her morals in such a way would only make the Carina he loved wither and die.

Lucius didn't know why he kept seeking her out. He knew she'd never give in, not under his terms. And every time they did talk, the disagreement would lead to frustration and then to anger. The conversation would always turn ugly. He always walked away with another disappointing memory that kept shadowing the year of genuine joy he'd experienced with this witch.

Yet, he couldn't stay away- like a moth drawn to a flame. Carina was all warmth, and he wanted a piece of that. Until, he got too close and realized the burning conviction of her goodness. There was no way for him to survive near her. Like a moth to a flame.

"MALFOY!" A hard voice called from the end of the hall.

Carina and Lucius snapped their heads towards the newcomer. Sirius and Remus came towards them with quick, purposeful strides. Carina couldn't guess how they always seemed to find her when she was in a bind. She didn't know Sirius had taken to carrying the Marauder's Map with him the past few weeks, afraid Carina would try to hide away from them again if things got too overwhelming. The others didn't even notice as they had little use for it these days- they were all too occupied with the here and now.

"Didn't we tell you to stay away from Carina?" Sirius bit out in a furious tone, his voice cold enough to match the Scottish winters.

"Sirius, it's okay," Carina insisted gently. "We're already done here," she told Malfoy meaningfully. In an unprecedented move, Malfoy stayed stonily silent, not bothering to respond with his usual vitriol.

She pushed past her friends, heading upstairs. Remus and Sirius lingered to give Malfoy one last severe glare before turning to flank Carina back up to the main hall.

"What happened?" Remus asked her gently, no judgment in his voice.

"Nothing," she said. "We just talked."

Sirius scoffed. "I wouldn't trust that bastard to breathe, much less talk."

"He told me he's marrying your cousin, Sirius," she brought up. "Narcissa."

Sirius raised an eyebrow in surprise. "I haven't heard from my family all year- it's news to me. Can't say I'm surprised. Of course, they would covet the bloody Malfoys. You should stay away from him, Carina!"

She stopped, whirling to the boys angrily. "Look, he came to me- not the other way around. I can't control it if he corners me in the hall."

"I _knew _it," Sirius growled, turning back to the dungeons.

Carina jerked him back with a roll of her eyes. "Leave it. We just talked. There's literally nothing to get worked up about. He might be a right bastard when he's with other Slytherins, but with me he's all bark and no bite."

"James is going to be pissed," Sirius told her.

"James is not going to find out," she insisted sternly, staring at the boys sharply.

"But-"

"No, Sirius! I don't want him ambushing me with all his useless protective concerns only to turn around and get reabsorbed in Lily."

Sirius winced. "Sorry, I didn't mean-"

"I know you didn't! And it really isn't a problem, I'm glad they're happy. But he hasn't really talked to me personally since I completed my favor. I only see him when I'm with you lot. That's how it was before he asked me to be his fake girlfriend- it's only normal we return to that. I don't need you all trying to jerk his attention back to me- I don't WANT it."

She still felt a deep ache when she thought too much about how easily James seemed to return to their previous friendship. She hoped that their plan would have at least made them closer friends- Merlin knew they went through a lot together in that short time. But like she'd feared, James Potter didn't really need her for anything. Not like the other marauders.

Sirius sighed, nodding reluctantly.

"Remus?" She turned to him sharply.

He raised his hands wryly in surrender. "I'm sure you can handle Malfoy on your own. You don't need to worry about me saying anything."

"Good."

She turned, leading them the rest of the way to the Great Hall. James perked up upon their entrance. Things seemed a bit stiff between the trio when they sat down, and James quirked an eyebrow towards Remus and Sirius questioningly. But they merely shook their head dismissively.

Hmm. Since when did they have secrets from him? Even the most inconsequential bits of information were shared between the marauders.

Until now.

**~o~O~o~ **

"Let's go for a dip in the lake!" Sirius suggested with a gleam in his eyes.

"Are you mad?" Carina asked.

"Why not? It'll be fun! Live a little!"

"You know, except for the fact that it's nearly midnight." Remus pointed out.

"Details!" Sirius rolled his eyes. "Come ON! James?"

Their whole friend group was gathered by the fireplace, and the seventh years were the last remaining people in the Gryffindor common room. They'd just finished their NEWTs this week and were finally free, whereas the rest of the school was still scrambling for their end-of-year exams and OWLs.

"I'm always up for a good adventure," he simply said with a playful smile.

Unlike a few months ago, he was no longer off the walls trying to convince the others along with Sirius. He was much calmer and settled- perhaps an effect of Lily's influence.

"Guys?" Sirius asked the rest of them.

"I'm always up for anything," Peter shrugged, Remus nodding along.

"Let's do it!" Alice told Carina and Frank excitedly. "When else would we get the chance? We already have our NEWTs!"

Carina and Frank shrugged. It didn't seem like a terrible idea on this warm night.

"YES!" Sirius pumped his fist into the air.

"NO! Absolutely not!" Lily cried.

"Come on, love," James said with a good-natured grin. "It'll be fun."

"Except that it's past curfew! And we're the Heads!"

"So they'll be more lenient if we get caught, exactly!" Sirius emphasized.

The rest of the group sniggered when Lily turned red, bristling at the hotheaded wizard.

"Come on, Lil," Carina said. "It'll be a memory for the books."

"No." Lily insisted sternly.

"Lily," James said gently, drawing her away from the group. He spoke quietly to her with a small smile on his face. The tension in Lily seemed to melt, and he led her back to their friends.

"Let's go!" James grinned.

"REALLY?" Alice cried excitedly, looking to Lily in surprise.

"All right! You've convinced me!" She finally gave in with a hint of a smile.

They couldn't all fit under James's invisibility cloak, so Sirius discretely checked the Marauder's Map for a clear path as they made their way through the abandoned halls under disillusionment charms. Sirius was the first one to run into the lake, stripping off his layers along the way, only in his boxers when he jumped into the cool water with an enthusiastic whoop.

Remus rolled his eyes, taking the time to transfigure his underclothes into swimming wear before following his friend in. Alice pulled her two girlfriends behind the shelter of the large willow.

"You boys go ahead! We'll be right in!"

"You're not planning on doing something evil like stealing their clothes and leaving them out here, are you?" Carina asked as Alice pulled Lily and her away from the boys.

Alice froze. "That's brilliant! But no- I actually do want to stay and swim tonight."

"What are we doing?" Lily asked.

"Making sure we look good in front of our boys, of course!" Alice told her, already stripping off her clothes before transfiguring her underclothes into a strappy plum one-piece that may as well be a two-piece.

Carina laughed. She always loved how straightforward Alice was. Getting to work on her own clothes, she transfigured herself a white and deep navy swimsuit with a cut-out between her ribs and the high-waisted bottoms and a bare mid-back.

"Now that's what I call style," Alice told her approvingly.

They turned to Lily, who'd fashioned herself a plain but beautifully green suit.

"No, that won't do!" Alice hummed, going to work on it even as Lily protested. When she stepped away from the tall redhead, the full front of her suit was now separated into high-waisted bottoms and top cinched at the center of her chest, the sweetheart neckline emphasizing her curves and leaving her rips bare.

"Ooh nice wand work!" Carina cooed over the pretty changes.

They stepped towards the water, and the boys turned their heads, their jaws dropping in surprise. James' lips curved into a smile as he took in Lily, and she responded with a small smile with growing confidence. Alice joined her boyfriend in the water, tapping Frank's chin closed with amusement.

It wasn't long before they were splashing each other, enjoying the cool water. Alice drew Lily further into the water, despite Lily's concerns that they'd get pulled under by the Giant Squid.

"The squid is friendly," Sirius told them as he, Remus, and Peter went after the girls and Frank. "I swear!"

Carina treaded water closer to the shore, taking the chance to float on her back and stargaze like she loved doing.

"Enjoying yourself?" She heard a muffled voice ask her. Carina opened her eyes, raising her head out of the water.

"James," she said in surprise. She'd have expected him to go after Lily.

"How've you been?" He asked with a warm smile. "I feel like we've barely seen each other!"

"I know," Carina agreed regretfully. "End-of-the-year chaos, you know? We've both been busy."

"I know," he apologized. "There's just so many damn ceremonies for the graduating class that needs preparing!"

"And Lily," Carina pointed out with a small teasing smile.

"And Lily," he admitted, watching her hesitantly.

He didn't know how to address Lily with Carina anymore. That day he happened upon them at the lake, it seemed like they were still close friends. But it didn't escape his notice that Carina never actually answered Lily's question about what went down between them while they were fake dating.

It took him a lot of thinking before he could truly be honest with himself. Despite his intentions of getting Lily back, he'd be lying if he said he hadn't felt anything for Carina while they were together. The witch was remarkable! They shared a spark of potential, or at least he thought they did. But he'd long come to accept that Carina only saw the whole thing as a favor to her good friend. She was just selfless like that. He'd almost believed she might've returned his feelings. But the only time they shared a truly intimate moment was that kiss, and Carina already admitted that was fueled by her encounter with Malfoy.

He wondered for a week if he'd made the right choice. Was he being disloyal to his own feelings by being with Lily? The doubts had caused him to distance himself from his new girlfriend for a week. The first day he feigned excuses to keep away from Lily, she was confused. By the second day, the hurt set it in. She'd confronted him, and he couldn't offer any excuses. By the third day, Lily's determination took hold- something James hadn't anticipated. For the rest of the week, she sought him out wherever he tried to hide away with his own thoughts. She made him laugh, and she forced him to stop hiding. It was Lily's efforts that eventually melted away the remaining bits of James's inhibitions.

He'd been scared Lily only finally decided to be with him out of jealousy or habit. He'd told Carina himself he didn't want to be with someone who wouldn't fight for him. But when the hour came, Lily fought. She fought despite the emotionless responses he gave her and the lack of encouragement. He was flooded with all the reminders of why he'd fallen in love with the witch in the first place.

Ever since then, he'd made peace with how everything turned out.

Carina's voice brought him back to the lake. "You're good for her, you know?"

"I am?" He asked distractedly.

"You draw her out the perfect little shell she tries to wrap herself in," Carina told him. "She wouldn't have come with us tonight if it weren't for you."

"Hmm..." James agreed belatedly. "She's really good for me too," he said softly.

"I see that," she said.

"You do?" His eyes flew to hers, and she responded with a small smile.

"You're calmer than you use to be- more settled. It's still you in there- jokes and all. But less of a showboat," she teased.

James burst out laughing. "Finally stopped being a showboat, did I?" He said indignantly, splashing her with water.

Carina sputtered as she got a mouthful of water. She splashed him back until they caught the others' attention.

"Water fight!" Sirius yelled, bringing the others over until they were all fighting, every man for themselves.

The peals of their laughter faded into the night, marking one of the last moments of untinted and unburdened joy the group would experience together.

**~o~O~o~**

**~ 2 Weeks Before Graduation **

"Dumbledore just asked us," James told the group in a hushed voice. "Of course, we all agreed. We were planning on being involved anyway."

"I thought you were trying out to chase for the Falcons?" Lily asked James, her brows scrunching in concern.

"I'm still going to," James told her. "It'll be a good cover too. No one would suspect a pureblood Quidditch player of being part of the Order."

"What about you three?" Alice asked Sirius, Remus, and Peter.

"I've taken a position at the Ministry-" Peter said. "In the Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes."

"I'm not sure yet," Remus grimaced. Carina felt her heart go out to him; she knew how anxious he was about his employment. "Hopefully I can work more actively with the Order."

"I've been accepted to the Auror Corps," Sirius announced with a sheepish grin.

"Wait what?" Carina asked suddenly. "You got in? When did you find out?"

"Just last night," he grinned. "The owl came to my room."

Carina was out of her seat, gathering Sirius into a proud hug before he'd even had the chance to stand. "Congratulations! I'm so proud of you!"

"I told you we'd work together after graduation," he chuckled, turning his head to the witch who clung to his back like a monkey.

"What?" James raised an eyebrow. "Work together? Are you joining the Aurors too, Carina?"

"No!" Carina laughed at the mere thought.

"Dumbledore recruited her to work with the Aurors in the Order as a strategist." Remus filled him in.

"Since when?" Lily asked, looking at her friend in surprise.

"A few months ago," she said sheepishly.

"You all knew already?" James asked them.

Alice, Sirius, Peter, and Remus looked at each other hesitantly before nodding.

"I didn't exactly announce it," Carina told them apologetically. "It just came up as we talked about our futures."

"What about potions?" James asked Carina in concern.

Lily smiled. She was surprised James remembered Carina's passion for the subject. Once again, he proved how tentative he could be.

Carina shrugged helplessly. "I suppose it has to wait."

"Dumbledore said she'd be working directly with Moody," Alice whispered. "He _really _wanted her for this position. He wouldn't even let her chose potions instead!"

"It's not like that!" Carina insisted humbly. "I'm sure I could've chosen potions if I really wanted. But he needs this position filled, and apparently he thinks I'm qualified for it."

"Qualified for it?" Sirius snorted. "Carina, he told you you're one of the most talented arithmancy students in a century!"

Carina blushed while James and Lily absorbed all the new information in wonderment. How could they not have known? They glanced at each other, communicating silently. _They had been rather preoccupied with each other in the last two months. _

"Hey!" Alice announced in excitement. "Maybe this is what Dumbledore wants to speak to us about, Lil! He asked us to his office at the end of the week, remember?"

"Right," Lily agreed, refocusing. "It really is the end of an era," she smiled nostalgically.

James smiled, but it felt a bit forced. His mind was still on the new developments. Since when they did not tell each other everything? Maybe he was just being sensitive; he wouldn't have overthought not knowing about Carina's career choices right away if this had happened at the beginning of the year. That was what he liked most about Carina- their friendship was never forced or burdensome. She was always around, and they always talked openly. But the periods in which they got caught up with their individual lives never made him feel as though the closeness between them dissipated. Yet for some reason, this time around he felt more distant from all of them than ever before.

"Maybe," Peter admitted. "But at least we're starting the next one together."

**~o~O~o~**

**Do not fear- I've outlined more of this story and what's been published up until now is only approximately 25% of the whole story! LOTS of content ahead, so don't get disheartened and leave me ❤️**

**~ADHARYN**


	15. Life After Hogwarts

**15 | LIFE AFTER HOGWARTS**

**\- SUMMER AFTER 7TH YEAR**

"Why couldn't we ask the boys to help?" Alice panted as she collapsed on the newly unwrapped couch.

"Because they can't decorate for their lives," Lily emphasized, whacking the dust off the last pillow.

"Thanks for helping me move into my new flat," Carina said gratefully, sinking to the floor as beads of sweat rolled down her neck.

"I'm surprised you found your own place so soon," Lily told her. "We're still preparing for our first day of work, and here you are already on your own two feet!"

"Yeah," Carina laughed lightly, feeling a twinge of guilt that she still hadn't told the girls about her family. She didn't _not_ want them to know- she just didn't want to have that particular conversation. She'd considered numerous times asking the marauders to pass it on to them, but she knew the girls wouldn't take kindly to that. She'd tell them eventually- perhaps on a rainy day when she needed a good cry.

"By the way," Carina turned to Alice, hoping to distract them. "Will you do the charms for my wards?"

"I'm sure you could do the wards yourself," she laughed. "Your runes are much better than mine."

"I've already done those, but could you do the integral cooling and heating charms? Maybe some sound charms as well? If you leave it to me, this place might bake me alive in the summer," Carina admitted sheepishly.

"Of course," Alice rose with a flourish. "You even get my family and friends discount."

Alice had taken an apprenticeship as a charms master immediately after Hogwarts, her talents in the field shining through. Lily, on the other hand, had finally gotten her acceptance to the training program at St. Mungos. Life after Hogwarts was bizarre; they were like baby giraffe finding their footing for the first time.

In a few weeks' time, Dumbledore would be introducing her to the infamous Alastor Moody.

And Carina was terrified.

**̶«̶ ̶̶̶ ̶ ̶ ̶̶̶ ̶«̶ ̶̶̶ ̶ ・ ༓ ・ ̶»̶ ̶̶̶ ̶ ̶ ̶̶̶ ̶»̶ ̶̶̶ ̶ ̶ ̶̶̶̶**

**\- 6 MONTHS LATER**

"That was atrocious, Lennox!" Moody yelled at her. "You'd think after months of training you'd be able to at least carry one effective duel, but you're like a sitting unicorn out there! You'll die at this rate, mark my words!"

A few months ago, Moody's harsh words would've had her quaking in her shoes.

Now, she merely rolled her eyes. "I told you not to take me, Moody," she repeated for what had to be the thousandth time. "I'm absolute shite at field missions. I thought you learned that by now."

"Never again," Moody muttered.

A pair of laughing voices echoed off each other.

"See, you always say that chief," a tall, striking wizard said with an amused smirk.

An identical man stepped out beside him, a matching grin adorning his face. "But you take her anyway," he finished.

"Shut it, you two- no one asked you," Moody growled at his deputies.

Carina looked between her team members with growing amusement before she burst out laughing. Moody was glowering at her while the Prewett twins sported matching expressions of confidence, ease, and good humor.

She remembered the first time she met them. She'd actually been terrified. Dumbledore brought her to the headquarters for the Order and introduced them all to each other before taking off, leaving her to the team of wolves. Moody had eyed her up and down distastefully before returning to his lecturing about their most recent strategies for surveilling suspected properties being used as hideouts. It was clear he wouldn't even give her two knuts of time until she proved her worth. What reason did he have to coddle the recruit that Dumbledore had all but forced upon them? The dark-haired Prewetts assessed her with passing interest before quickly returning their attention to their supervisor.

Carina swallowed her insecurities, forcing herself to approach the table that the three of them stood around. The surface was covered with three large swaths of parchment, each with what appeared to be blueprints of various estates.

"So we'll keep a rotation of five members surveilling each house around the clock until one of them shows any sign of movement. Then we can consolidate..."

Moody's voice turned into a buzz as Carina assessed the maps closely, quickly going through the numbers in her head.

"That's not right," the words tumbled from her mouth before she could stop them.

The entire room went quiet.

"Excuse me?" Moody asked frostily.

"I-" Carina stammered before clearing her throat. "It's just that your rotations are inefficient. These estates don't all need the same number of scouts; in fact, some of them may need vastly more or less."

Moody raised an eyebrow, unconcerned. "You got that after spending five minutes looking at the plans we spent two weeks configuring?" He asked dryly. "_You? _The cub who somehow managed to get placed in the most senior team in the Order?"

Carina looked between the bristling Moody and the unhelpfully silent Prewetts in uncertainty before pulling her wand briskly.

"I'll show you," she told them. With a quick flick of her wand, she'd conjured a cloud of three-dimensional designs of the estates on the paper. She missed the look of surprise etched on the others' faces as she gestured to the models. "These are all to scale, and as you can see, they're very different sizes, and they all exist in very different landscapes."

"Right," Moody agreed reluctantly.

"Do your scouts have a definitive escape from every estate, or are there any variables that might trap them there?"

"Everyone gets an emergency portkey," Fabian told her curiously. "In case there are anti-apparition wards."

"Good, so that won't be a factor," she nodded. "Now I know instinctively it makes sense to assign more people to the bigger estates, but if you look here," she pointed to the models. "The rough terrain in the surrounding areas gives you enough coverage so you can accomplish any scouting with as few as three people. In fact, with Nott Estate, in particular, the incline of the hill the manor rests upon makes the probability of being spotted within the trees in the distance next to nill."

The three stared at her expressionless.

"Now, if you take the small townhouse you plan to surveil, there are a lot more variables at play there. If you're planning on having the same rotation of people checking that area regularly, there's a certain probability they'll be recognized after a few weeks, if not by the Death Eaters, then the townspeople."

The Aurors watched avidly as she pulled a blank piece of parchment over, picking up a quill as she began to scribble down equations and numbers.

"The town has approximately two hundred occupants, yes?" She mumbled, scribbling it down. "And the house being surveilled is near a pub, which means at least thirty regular customers over the course of roughly a month," she continued under her breath. "And no cover or nearby terrain..."

Carina finally stood, exhaling contemplatively. "Frankly rotations would make no sense at this site. Each time, you'd have to send a new person because the probability of the same scout being recognized on their second visit is one out of twenty. At that rate, you'd run out of scouts to send to the site within weeks if you plan on it daily- not to mention the townspeople would get suspicious at having strange visitors to a seemingly unimpressive village nearly every day."

"So, what's your recommendation?" Moody asked frankly.

"I would place a permanent scout to live there- someone who could blend in with the crowd and wouldn't mind a medial job. Perhaps as a server at that pub- it's an ideal location to keep tabs on the happenings of the nearby houses. They'd have to limit their contact to Order members in public and have a seemingly innocuous background to not draw suspicion, but it would certainly be the safest way."

Carina glanced at the others, unarmed by the way they simply stared at her. _Had she done something wrong? Was this not what she was meant to do? Dumbledore hadn't exactly given her a bloody job description! _

"Leave it to Dumbledore to find the youngest swot out there and recruit her," Moody finally snorted.

"Beg your pardon?" Carina asked in confusion.

"I suppose there's a method to the madness after all," one of the twins smirked at Moody.

"Madness?" Carina mumbled. _Were they talking about her or Dumbledore?_

"Yeah," the other twin smiled at her reassuringly. "It usually takes people _years _to get up to Moody's team. It took us five years of training and promotions! And you're already here, and you're not even an Auror!"

"Well, I'll warn you right now," she told them decisively. "I'm absolute shit at combative magic. I would not trust me to have your back in a duel."

Moody had barked out laughing in an uncharacteristically carefree moment. "At least the chit isn't good at everything."

It had been nearly six months since that one disastrously awkward first meeting, and their team had pulled themselves together in that time. It only took Carina a week to get comfortable asserting her voice. Partially, it was because they simply had to trust the accuracy of some of the complex calculations she did, based on the specific details of each scenario. The Prewett twins turned out to be a great relief. Moody was gruff and prickly, but the relatively easy-going manner of the twins taught her to take his moods in stride.

Gideon was the roguish one of the two. His flirtatious winks and jibes directed at literally everyone could bring laughter to anyone's day. She'd never forget the day he offered Professor McGonagall a mouse he'd caught at one of their debriefings. Carina thought she'd piss her pants, trying to keep a straight face as McGonagall accepted the mouse by the tail with an appalled but tempted expression. He was also the hotheaded one of the two, speaking with little filter and living life diving headfirst into everything.

Fabian was the calmer, more laid-back of the two. He frankly reminded her of Remus, minus the studiousness. He liked to observe and deliberate based on the interactions and social cues he saw. He was vibrant and the center of attention, but he also picked up the most minute details from the outskirts of the room. He was also kind- wonderfully so.

"Now, if you're done trying to get me killed," Carina shot off sarcastically at Moody. "I have a lunch date at Diagon Alley!"

"Oooh, our little Angel has a date?" Gideon trolled her.

"Oh shove off, how'd you even know about that nickname?" Carina rolled her eyes.

"A little bird told me," Gideon grinned. "It was an insightful day of training all those rookie Aurors."

Carina muttered under her breath, swearing she'd kill Sirius the next time she saw him.

"Hey Gid," Fabian drawled with a smirk. "I was thinking about picking up a drink at Diagon Alley, what do you think?"

"Why brilliant idea, little brother," he turned to Carina with gleaming eyes. "Of course, we should safely escort Carina to where she needs to go. Merlin knows she's terrible at defense."

"You prats," Carina rolled her eyes. "_Now_ you decide to remember I can't fight for my life?"

But the twins would hear none of her protests as they sandwiched her between them, disapparating off to Diagon Alley. They walked her into the cafe she was meant to go to, searching the place curiously.

"Carina!" A hand waved her over.

Carina grinned as she caught sight of Alice and Lily, seated near the window. She strode over to them, feeling the twins follow on her heels.

"Hi, guys!" Carina reached over to pull each of them into a hug. "Sorry I'm late, we got held up."

"Not a problem," Alice eyed the tall twins behind her with a growing smile. "I see you have _plenty_ to keep you busy."

"Alice!" Carina cried, embarrassed.

"Nothing to be shy about, love," Gideon smirked behind her. "You know we keep your hands full."

"You must be the Prewetts," Lily laughed, looking between the three of them.

"At your service," Fabian tipped his head graciously.

"Really," Gideon insisted with a wink. "Anytime for such lovely ladies."

"All right," Carina turned around, shooing them off. "They're both already taken, so put your tongues back in your mouths."

"Alas," Gideon heaved dramatically, his hand covering his heart. "At least little Angel here keeps us as busy as we keep her."

"Get out!" Carina insisted, a reluctant laugh leaving her.

When she finally took her seat, Lily and Alice were staring at her with shit-eating grins on their faces.

"What?" She asked them indignantly.

"Hot damn, Carina. You never told us the Prewetts looked like _that,_" Alice bombarded her.

"Like what?" Carina shrugged. "Besides, you know what they look like- they were seventh years when we were first years."

"Like candy on a stick?" Lily echoed appreciatively.

"Mmm..." Alice hummed appreciatively. "Those jaws- I haven't seen anything that chiseled since my family's trip to the Roman ruins!"

"And those uniforms!" Lily pointed out. The Prewetts wore the standard Auror's uniform- fitting black trousers and a regal dragonskin vest over whatever shirt they wore. But their rank as deputies afforded them beautifully ornate cloaks that were secured with a silver chain along their chest.

"Not you too!" Carina groaned.

"Hey! Just because we're taken doesn't mean we can't appreciate your prospects," Alice defended valiantly.

"They're not my prospects, they're my co-workers," Carina rolled her eyes.

"Really? Then what was all that energy? You do realize they made it sound like all three of you have been together? At the same time?" Alice wiggled her eyebrows.

"Good Godric," Lily murmured, turning red on the spot. "Imagine _two_ wizards like that."

"Oh dear Merlin," Carina groaned, dropping her head to her hands. "Stop, stop, _please_ stop. It's not like that! Gideon flirts with anything alive, it's his nature. And Fabian just plays into it when he can."

"They honestly remind me a bit of Sirius and James back in the day," Lily admitted. "Or maybe they'd be Sirius and Remus?"

"The marauders definitely never treated Carina like _that," _Alice pointed out gleefully.

Carina faked a gagging motion. "Can we not go there? I'm trying to eat."

"Fine, be boring," Alice rolled her eyes. "But fully expect me to say I told you so when you finally give in to one of those two _fine _men."

"Or both," Lily pointed out devilishly. Carina gaped at Lily in surprise. If only she could tell Hogwarts Lily how much she'd change in the future, the girl she'd known would've laughed in her face.

"To Carina's men," Alice toasted.

"Carina's men," Lily laughed with a small clink of her glass.

"To hoping you two get laid soon, so you'll lose interest in my life," Carina parried.

Both witches grinned at their friend from behind their butterbeer jugs, their eyes relaying silent promises that would never happen.

**̶«̶ ̶̶̶ ̶ ̶ ̶̶̶ ̶«̶ ̶̶̶ ̶ ・ ༓ ・ ̶»̶ ̶̶̶ ̶ ̶ ̶̶̶ ̶»̶ ̶̶̶ ̶ ̶ ̶̶̶̶**

**A/N**

**That was so much fun to write!**  
**I was afraid the post-Hogwarts chapters would get too serious with the war and everything, but I'm happy with the tone I'm building.**

**What do you guys think?**

**~ADHARYN**


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